Crazy
by spottedhorse
Summary: Brass & Catherine are finishing up at a crime scene. Something goes terribly wrong. Does it turn out right in the end?
1. Chapter 1

Jim Brass checked her pulse again. _Still there_, he thought, _weaker…_He was fighting to remain conscious, struggling with his own injuries. He watched the slow rise and fall of her chest, finding comfort in the steady rhythm before passing out again.

Her eyes fluttered and opened, her mind taking a moment to focus. And then she remembered. Forcing her head to move, she looked across at him, taking in his pallor but noticing that he was breathing. She tried to move but something was restricting her. The gash over his left eye worried her; the blood oozing from his left arm alarmed her along with the irregular circle of blood on his side. He was hurt in several places, seriously she thought before her mind surrendered and she slipped back into the darkness.

Dawn was breaking he realized. He'd been lying quietly, struggling to hear her, fear engulfing him until he heard her breathing. After a few minutes of listening to the steady intake and exhale of air, he began to relax. His head was hurting as was his side. His left arm was useless, he realized. Using his right arm, he tried to adjust. He was leaning against the brick wall of a cellar. He didn't remember much of the struggle that had put them there. All he could remember was watching as Catherine finished processing a scene in a young woman's bedroom when something hit him in the head. The rest was a blur but he had the impression that he'd turned the tables on the attackers and at least one was lying on the bedroom floor, dead. How they ended up here was a mystery but he hoped this was at least the cellar of the same house.

He heard her stirring and called her name softly. "Catherine?"

She groaned and then opened her eyes to reality. "Um…yeah…Jim?"

"How you feeling?"

"I …I can't move…"

"What? Are you tied up?"

"I…I don't know. I…maybe….my legs…they're numb…and my arms."

He fought to focus on her, taking in every detail he could see in the dim light. "You don't seem to be tied…maybe they're like…asleep."

"Maybe," she said agreeably. "How about you?"

"Head hurts. Side hurts. My arm is…pretty useless. But I can move a little, I think. I don't think they tied me up…probably thought I was dead.

Catherine looked across at him. "Well, don't." She eyed the blood on his shirt. The stain was larger. The blood on his head was dried, so maybe that wound had closed, she hoped.

"Don't what?"

"Move. You're still bleeding. Don't make it worse. Let me see if I can scoot closer…"

"NO," he yelped. He saw the shock on her face and backed down immediately. "You could…make your injuries worse. Just…stay where you are. There's not anything you can do anyway."

Catherine cringed at the sound of defeat in his voice. They remained quiet until the darkness of unconsciousness claimed them both.

A grunt from Brass woke Catherine. She knew it was afternoon by the intensity of light showing through the small window near the corner of the room. Another grunt brought her attention back to Jim. Sweat covered his face and soaked his shirt. He was moaning as he jerked and twitched, still propped against the wall. "Jim…" she called softly. He jerked but didn't respond. "JIM…"

"Uh? Catherine…" he answered lethargically.

"You awake?"

"Uh…yeah, but…fuzzy."

She looked around frantically. Then she spotted what they both needed, a water bottle sitting on a bench near him. "Jim. There's water…on the bench…"

Groggily he tried to focus in the direction of the bench but his vision was blurred and he couldn't focus on the bottle. "You sure?"

"Yeah…I'm going to try to get it."

"No, no…I…let me." He shifted and began to scoot along the wall using his legs to push his body. His right arm provided balance and guidance. He felt like he was about to pass out again by the time he reached the bench. Then carefully, he reached for the bottle, his fingers barley able to hold the treasure. Then cradling it, he scooted back to her. Holding it between his knees, he used his hand to open it and then offered it to her. "Drink," he croaked.

"You first," she told him, thinking that his was the greater need.

"No…ladies first," he said as he thrust it towards her. "Okay …hold it still. I..I don't think I can grasp it." She leaned forward and he tilted it slightly and poured some into her open mouth. Then he took a gulp himself. Then he scooted closer to her, propping himself against a wooden trunk that was next to her. Her condition worried him. She had some bruising and a small cut tracing her cheekbone, but otherwise didn't seem to have any injuries, yet she hadn't moved much. That wasn't like her. He cast a quick glance over the length of her. It was then that he realized that something was amiss with her clothing. She had been redressed. A chill went through him at he considered the implications. "Catherine?" he asked meekly.

"Mmmm?"

"You um…what happened after…after I got knocked out?"

He didn't think it was possible but she became even more still. "Nothing," she said flatly.

_Yeah, right. Okay, so she doesn't want to talk about it…_"Are we in the same house?"

"I don't know. I…I passed out too."

He watched her face for clues but she was stoic except for a tear that trailed out of her eye. "I think I shot one?"

"Yeah, he's dead. You gave a second one a pretty good beating too. But the other one…he…well, he's the one that stabbed you. And then…well, I don't remember much."

_So it was the third one that…_Anger boiled in him; anger mixed with shame. He hadn't been able to protect her. "I'm…sorry."

"For what?" she said with more energy than he'd heard from her in hours.

"I didn't …stop them…I should have been able to…"

"There were three of them Jim. I'd say you did pretty good. I mean, they caught us by surprise. And the first one hit you pretty hard before we even knew they were there."

"Yeah, but…I should have known…"

"Jim…quit. You …took two of them out. I'd say you did pretty good. We're alive, aren't we?"

"Yeah, but…for how long? I mean…we both need a hospital and …with little water, no food; we won't last much longer, I'm afraid."

"Yeah I know. But…you gave us a chance."

"Sure…right," he answered, crushed.

She passed out again a few minutes later. He watched her intently, willing her to keep breathing. He didn't know what was wrong with her, beyond the obvious, and it scared him. His eyes fixed on her face, examining the lines of her face, her cheeks, the porcelain texture of her skin, the slight arch of her eyebrows and her elegant nose. Then there were her lips. Jim had lost track of the times he'd wanted to test those lips with his own. He'd held his feelings close to his vest for years, never wanting an inkling of it to get out. She was married when he first met her and then, reluctantly he'd accepted that she was in love with his friend, Gil Grissom. She'd flirted with other relationships over the years but they never seemed to work out and Jim knew why. He couldn't think of anything that would hurt worse than being one of those that didn't work out, until now. The thought that they…that she might die here was breaking him.

Clinching his jaw he forced his mind to move on. _Gil was a fool to give her up. Why he chose Sara over her is…unbelievable. I wish…I just wish she would look at me one time the way she used to look at him. For awhile I thought she and Rick would…but…it was always Gil, really._

He sighed heavily. Glancing up at the window, he realized that the sky was getting dark. _Almost twenty four hours…they must be looking for us._

Consciousness began to creep over her. Opening her eyes, she took a moment to adjust. She heard Jim breathing next to her and was comforted by his presence. Looking in the direction of the window, she realized it was dark outside. Late night, she thought as she analyzed the darkness. _Surely they're looking for us…_

She hadn't liked avoiding Jim's questions but she didn't want to relive the events after the third attacker had finally knocked him out. Jim had fought hard and almost won the battle, but three had been one too many. She knew he'd never get over what happened while he lay unconscious on the floor of that bedroom. If they were going to die here, she didn't want him dying with that knowledge in his mind. And if somehow they made it, well…there's be time for revelations and healing later.

Just then, he began to stir. But it was different; he was thrashing…fighting the attackers again, she thought. "Jim…Jim wake up, you're dreaming…"

It didn't work. He was still thrashing and grumbling. Then he jerked and stilled. Catherine listened for a few minutes and was relieved to hear his breathing return to a steady rhythm.

She laid there for what seemed to be hours, her thoughts darkening as she let her mind wander. Jim began moving again and in his jerking his hand slid onto her arm. The heat of his touch alarmed her. "Jim…wake up…JIM!"

He flinched and then croaked her name. "Jim, you're feverish. Take another drink of water…"

Jim heard her but his thoughts were muddled. His head was pounding and his side felt like it was on fire. But she said something about a drink. He felt around until he located the water bottle and allowed himself a drink and set the bottle next to him on the floor. Then he reached for her, his fingers finding her lips. He picked up the bottle and gave her another drink as well. "Thank you," she said. "Now, you take another swig."

"No, gotta save it…" He replaced the cap on it and set it on the floor.

"Jim, you have to hang in…I know they're looking for us…help will get here."

"Yeah…sure. Catherine…I…"

"No more apologies….you have nothing to apologize for."

"Uh, yeah…" His mind was clouding. He was on the verge of telling her how he felt but she'd stopped him. _Maybe it's a good thing… _Darkness slowly claimed him again. Catherine succumbed a few minutes later.

* * *

Okay, I'm going back to my mantra from a couple of years ago. Reviews equal interest equals more writing, lol. The little button is there. Do I continue or what?


	2. Chapter 2

Wow, so many wonderfully encouraging reviews! So much more than I expected. Many thanks to all who took the time to leave comments...and they were so postitive too. Makes my little heart go all aflutter (blush, blush). It also makes the writing juices work and the fingers type. So here's the second installment. I hope you find it as entertaining. It was suggested that I have several directions in mind but feel free to offer where you think it should go. I'm always open to new ideas:-)

JBheartsCW

It was bright outside when she woke again. Her limbs were numb…still not moving. She wanted to check on him but it was no use. All she could do was stare at him, will him to be alright. His shirt was still soaked in sweat and his upper lip looked clammy He had a really unhealthy pallor, his face being a deathly gray. She smirked slightly, in spite of her worry. She could count on one hand the times she'd seen him with a five o'clock shadow. She knew he kept an electric razor in his desk drawer in case he caught a long shift and wouldn't get home for a real shave. He had a heavy beard, she knew, and the Marine in him wouldn't let him get too scraggly.

When she first met him, he was still recovering from his divorce and move to Vegas. He was Jim Brass at his worst, snarly and snippy, sarcastic in a non funny way and bitter…like a wounded animal that had been cornered. Financially, it took everything he had. And he'd paid child support until his daughter left her mother's home. Then, he'd paid for some of Ellie's escapades as well. Catherine knew he'd footed a rather hefty bill for a drug rehab program that had kept her clean for all of six months. At first, his clothes were strictly off the rack, and the less expensive ones at that. But as he'd begun to recover from his marital disaster, he'd bought more expensive clothes that fit better. And Catherine knew that the last few years, he'd bought several special ordered, tailored to fit suits. Jim Brass had become a clothes horse. He took pride in his appearance and had fought his receding hairline until he'd finally given up and gone for a buzz cut. His attitude had slowly improved as well. There wasn't much of that new to Vegas Jim Brass left. And underneath that bristly exterior, she had found a warm, funny and trusted friend.

Catherine didn't like the shorter hair. It made him look older, she thought. Once, she'd tried to hint that he should let it grow longer but he'd been embarrassed so she let it drop. Not much embarrassed Jim Brass, so she knew the hair must be a tender subject. Still, she liked it longer. She's given him a friendly hug a few times and knew from the surreptitious feels she'd included in the hugs that his hair was soft, even silky to the touch. But short, it was as bristly as his gruffest demeanor.

As she looked at him now, his short hair soaking wet and a five o'clock shadow threatening to become a beard, her chest hurt. Jim wouldn't like that his tailored shirt was ruined, that he was unshaven and mussed up. Amused, she remembered a case where he'd volunteered her to interview a witness because the witness might get mustard on his shoes. Then there was the time the rookie threw up at a crime scene and some splattered onto Jim's slacks. Catherine suspected that the rookie's assignment to the worst neighborhood in Vegas was Jim's way of getting back.

As her mind wandered, she remembered a case from several years ago where they were out on a beastly hot day and Jim was wearing a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up. He was wearing a brown pair of slacks that hugged him nicely. The form fitting pants with the exposed, muscular forearms, and the peek at a promising chest had been tantalizing. But Jim never seemed to realize the eye candy he was providing.

She's seen pictures of him in his earlier years and would describe him as cute. He'd never been a GQ cover kind of handsome, but there was something about him…something that says all man. A real man, not a self-absorbed jerk kind of man, but the kind of man that steps up when he's needed, cares deeply without reservations, feels unabashedly, and as he'd proven for her, fights to death to protect those who he cares about. _My kind of man…_

Where did that come from, she wondered. Sure, she and Jim had grown closer over the past few years. He'd been there for her when her father, Sam Braun, had died in her arms…even before when Lindsey had been kidnapped. And since Gil had left, Jim had been her rock, even coming out on his night off to see about her after she'd been bitten by a rabid woman. She'd clung to his friendship as a lifeline. Sure, she had other friends…Nick, Sara since she came back, others… but she was their supervisor. She and Jim were on an equal playing field, she didn't have to be careful about overstepping a line. With him, she could just…be.

Catherine smiled. Yeah, he was her kind of man… the kind she should have gone after instead of a long line of jerks over the years. She drifted into unconsciousness with that thought uppermost in her mind.

Sometime later, Jim began to stir, a fevered desire for water rousing him. But then other senses took over and he was aware of another presence. They were back….the attackers were back and there were more of them. One began to move towards Catherine. Fired by a determination to keep them from hurting her further, he began to lunge and lash out at them. He was weak and his efforts unfocused, he knew, but maybe he could hold them off until help arrived. And so, with a sudden burst of energy he fought.

Everything became a blur and he knew the effort was pointless, they would win. But he fought anyway. He had to; it was Catherine.

It was satisfying, the feel and the sound of his fist connecting with the perp's nose. But then, other hands came at him so the satisfaction was short lived. The nose disappeared as other hands tried to contain him, but he wrestled free. His side was on fire and his useless arm hung, dead weight, slowing him down. His head hurt and his eyes burned with fever, but he kept fighting.

And then the hands went away and the room was quiet. Jim collapsed next to her, waiting for another onslaught.

Then there were voices, familiar voices. "Jim….come on, man. Wake up."

Jim began to thrash.

"Cap…come on Cap….it's Mitch….Cap? You with me?"

"Jim…its Nick…come on man, look at me."

Jim tried to focus. Finally, his bleary burning eyes settled on Nick's face. "Nick?" he croaked.

"Yeah Jim, its me…and Mitch here. We got you."

"Cath…Catherine..."

"Yeah….you gonna let us get her out of here?"

Jim grunted. "You…and Mitch. Don't…"

"Don't what?"

"Don't let 'em get her…you and Mitch, you take her."

"Yeah. Okay. We'll get you both. Its okay Jim, we've got you."

Jim relaxed. Help had arrived. They would take care of Catherine. He collapsed into oblivion.

Nick glanced over at Officer Mitchell. "Guess we have to take them out to the paramedics. I don't think any of them want to get anywhere close to him right now."

"Okay. Let me get the back board for Catherine. We'll take her first," Mitch replied.

Carefully, Nick and Mitch loaded Catherine onto the board and carried her up the steps to the paramedics. Jim roused slightly and opened his eyes. Looking around, he saw that Catherine was gone. A sob shook him. "I'm sorry," he cried as darkness claimed him.


	3. Chapter 3

You all have been so kind with your reviews. I try to respond individually to all but sometimes, I'm so inspired by your responses that I just have to write instead. Hope you don't mind, lol. Here goes...

JB*CW*JB*CW

Her eyes opened to light…and sounds, new sounds, not cellar sounds, hospital sounds. Slowly she took in her surroundings. Yeah, hospital. They had been found. But where was Jim?

She heard someone breathing and moved her head to look towards it. Nick was in a chair next to the bed, dozing. A smile crept across her face at the sight. He needed a shave; he must have been there awhile. "Nick," she rasped in his direction. "Nicky…"

He stirred and shook his head, as if clearing his mind. Then he sat up and looked at her. "Cath…oh am I glad to see you."

"Thanks…me too." She managed a small smile. "I um…where's Jim?"

"Down the hall. He's still unconscious."

"But…he's alive?"

A huge grin broke out on Nick's face. "Yeah…I'll say."

Catherine smiled at that but wondered what he meant. "He…he'll be okay?"

"Yeah. They are keeping him sedated until the fever goes down."

"Why?"

"He…well, he was delirious, out of his head. They had to sedate him, calm him down to treat him."

"Calm him down?"

"He was crazy, Cath. When we got there, he was sitting next to you like he was guarding you. In his delirium, he thought we were your attackers and he wasn't going to let us near you. It was insane, he was swinging at anybody that approached."

Swinging at them? How?" She asked groggily. He was in bad shape, had a stab wound and his arm was useless…"

"Yeah, well…he was pretty determined. Broke the paramedic's nose. Mitch and I were finally able to talk him down. Somehow he recognized us in all of his fog. He wouldn't let anyone else touch you though. Mitch and I had to load you onto the stretcher to get you out of there."

"My god…I knew he was feeling guilty about…"

"I know what happened Cath. I mean, I don't know everything but the evidence…"

"Um…yeah. Look Nick, I'm kind of tired. I really don't…."

"I'm not asking you to go there, at least not now. But…Jim…he thought …"

"Jim didn't know. They had…knocked him out before…"

"When did he shoot the dead perp?"

"Before…look, I was finishing up and Jim was there. They were on us before we knew …Jim fought them off as best he could, shooting one and punching one out. But the third one knocked him out. Then, he…"

"It's okay, Cath. I get it now. That's why Jim was so rabid…he was still fighting them off….at least in his mind."

"Yeah, I guess so." Catherine furrowed her brows, her forehead crinkling. "He was rabid?"

"Yeah," Nick answered seriously. "I've never seen him like that. I mean, I've seen hot in the chase before…we both have; I've seen him angry over his daughter, angry because one of his guys didn't protect us, disgusted by some of the scumbags we deal with…but never like that. He was ready to kill anybody that got close to you. He wasn't thinking about his own safety at all, Cath…not taking defensive measures…just…..thrashing out wildly. If he'd had a gun, we'd all be dead."

Catherine stared intensely at Nick as she listened. _That doesn't sound at all like Jim…_Well, he'd been through a lot and…like you said, he was delirious."

"Yeah, but this was a totally different guy. Honestly Cath, he was way out there…"

Sighing deeply, she wondered what had been going on in Jim's mind. But that was ridiculous. He was delirious; there was no coherent thinking…just reactions. "He has a fever; infection from the stab?"

"Yeah. And he has a compound fracture of the humerus."

Three doors down the hall, Jim Brass was beginning to stir. His fever had slowly dropped off and consequently, the doctor had backed off on his sedatives. Consciousness began to seep over him until he was aware of the sounds in the room. Finally, he forced his eyes opened and looked around. _Hospital…_Then he remembered. _Catherine…where's Catherine?_ His heart began beating rapidly as he looked around frantically. He pushed the bedrail button to call the nurse but when one didn't immediately appear, he tried to sit up. Pain shot through him, especially his side, but he didn't care. He had to find her, had to know she was alright.

By the time a nurse made it to the room, Jim was standing, trying to untangle his catheter line from the bed frame. It was difficult with one arm in a soft cast and sling. He'd pulled his IV out but couldn't go far because of the catheter. Frustrated, he was about to pull it out when the nurse stopped him. "Mr. Brass…please. You'll hurt yourself."

"Catherine…where is she?" He was weakening, his legs giving out.

"Back in bed, first. Then I'll tell you."

"She…she's okay? She's alive?"

"Yes, now back in bed," she ordered.

Jim eased back into the bed and watched as she checked his vitals. She frowned at his IV, dangling from the post. "I'll have to start over with that. Don't move and I'll be back in a minute."

Jim looked at her sheepishly. "Wait…Catherine?"

The nurse stopped and looked at him. "She's down the hall. I can't really get into the details but…she's awake. A friend is in with her now?"

"A friend?" That had his attention.

"Yes, nice looking man, short dark hair…I think she called him Nick."

Jim relaxed and smiled. "Yeah, Nick…could you…I'd like to talk to Nick."

"After I get your IV back in. Settle down and let me get you hooked up and I'll let him come in. Deal?"

Jim gave her his most guileless look. "Okay, you're the boss," he said innocently. Once she left, he was climbing out of bed again, glaring at the catheter line.

"Whoa Jim," Nick declared from the doorway. The younger man hustled into the room and put his hand on Jim's shoulder. "Aren't you supposed to be in the bed?"

Jim looked at him frantically. "Catherine?"

"…is fine. I 'd just stepped into the hall when the nurse told me you are awake."

"She…she's alright?"

Nick studied his friend's demeanor. The man was frantic. "Yeah…a little banged up, some paralysis but the doctor's think it is due to bruising and swelling along the spinal column. They think with drugs and some time, she'll get back to normal," he added, downplaying Catherine's condition.

"She …can't move her arms and legs…"

"Yeah. Apparently those bastards pushed her down the steps and she hit her spine in the fall. It bruised her backbone and caused temporary paralysis but they gave her an anti-inflammatory and now the swelling is going down."

"Nick, she…I think they…I think…"

Nick held up his hand to stop Jim. "I know. She hasn't said much about it but there was…evidence…"

Tears began to seep from Jim's eyes. "I tried to stop them. But…one of them stabbed me and…I couldn't…I tried…I…." a sob stopped him.

"I know Jim. The evidence was pretty clear on that too. You did everything you could. Three was just too many. She knows that." Gently he helped Jim back to the bed.

"But I should have …"

"Jim, they hit you in the head with the leg of a table. Then they cracked it into your arm, causing that fracture. And finally, they stabbed you to stop you. You killed one and seriously wounded another…you've got nothing to feel bad about."

"But it was my job…and it…god, it's Catherine," Jim sobbed.

"Yeah…it was Catherine. And it makes it hurt more; I get it." Nick eyed Jim, feeling sad for his friend who was in such obvious pain. "Jim …when are you gonna tell her?"

"Tell her what?"

"That you're in love with her."

Jim looked shocked. "I…um…" he sighed. Then his eyes narrowed. "How did you know?"

"It's written all over you, man. But, well…you wouldn't let us near her even though you were in pretty bad shape. That was my first clue."

"Do me a favor and keep it to yourself."

"But why? You can't keep this from her forever, you know?"

Jim shrugged. "…done a pretty good job of it so far." He let out a breath. "She isn't interested in me…"

"Maybe…but, you might be surprised." Nick watched Jim for a reaction but saw none. "Anyway, I have to get going."

"Wait, you said one was seriously injured?"

Yeah, blood was all over the bedroom floor. It didn't match the guy you shot, so we surmised that you'd gotten a good piece of another one. We found his body in a park, down the street."

"You sure it was him?"

"Yeah, Fingerprints matched ones we'd found in the room."

"You have prints? Any idea who the third one was?"

"Not yet. Wendy is still running them, trying to find a match. Don't worry; we'll get him, Jim."

Jim nodded. "When you do, I want a piece of him," the detective growled.

"Hold on…we plan to get him before you get outta here, so you'll just have to trust us to deliver your message."

"I like to deliver my own messages," Jim snarled.

"Well, we'll see. We have to get him first. Anyway, Greg said he's coming by later to check on both of you. Just…try not to beat him up, okay? And stay in the bed."

Jim looked at him oddly. "Okay...?" Nick chuckled as he left the room.

After waiting a few minutes, Jim began to climb out of bed again. This time he decided to leave the IV, thinking he could use the pole for balance as he made his way to Catherine's room. He was trying to figure out the catheter again when the nurse checked on him.

"Mr. Brass! Back in the bed…now!"

Grimacing, Jim grunted. "I want to see Catherine."

The nurse softened. "I know. But really, she's alright…sleeping, like you should be. I just checked in on her and everything is fine."

"You're sure? She went through a lot, you know."

"Yes, I know," she replied sympathetically. "And the sooner you cooperate, the sooner you will be strong enough to visit her. You've been through a rough spell, yourself, you know."

"I'm okay," he insisted as he let himself be helped back into the bed. "But I'm worried about Catherine."

The nurse, Joyce, Jim read on her nameplate, smiled. "You are a very stubborn man, aren't you?"

Jim looked at her innocently. She grinned. "You got me with that once but I won't be fooled again, Mr. Brass. The minute I leave, you're going to be climbing out of this bed again. Aren't you?" Jim didn't say anything but his eyes gave him away. "Just as I thought," she finished.

"I…I need to see her."

"Tell you what, let's make a deal. You stay put awhile. And I'll check with the doctor about you visiting later, after she wakes up. But she needs her rest right now."

"But I won't wake her up. I just need to…"

"…see her." Joyce finished. "Yes, I understand. But if you get up again, I'll be forced to sedate you. And then you won't be in any shape to see her later, now will you?"

Jim realized he was powerless in this. But at least Catherine was safe. After a moment of contemplation he sighed. "Okay, I'll stay in the bed…for now."

"Thank you," she smiled. "I can take care of her better if I do not constantly have to worry about you getting out of bed."

Nodding, Jim let a small smile creep into his face. "Yeah, oaky. You take care of her. I'll be okay."

She patted his arm and then raised the bedrail and left.

* * *

It might be a little longer before the next post. I had a brainstorm while proofing this chapter and I have a little research to do as I get more into the story. It is taking on a different emphasis than I'd originally imagined. In the meantime, the little button awaits your usage:-)


	4. Chapter 4

Greg Sanders did stop by later in the day, as promised. He visited with Catherine for a few minutes and then travelled down the hall to check on Jim. Peeking in, he grinned as he saw that Jim was watching a soap on tv.

"Hey Jim," he said stepping into the room.

Jim looked up at him, smiling. "Greg…hey come on in. You're just in time to watch the Young and the Breathless with me. I haven't seen it since I was in the here recovering from the gunshot. Just catching up…"

Greg glanced up at the screen. "Has anything changed?"

Jim reached for the volume button to turn it down. "No, not really. Everybody is screwing everyone else and all of 'em have to watch their backs."

"Glad that isn't the real world," chuckled Greg.

"Well, sometimes…"

"Yeah. Oh hey, Catherine says hi and also she says to behave."

Jim's face lit up. "Yeah? She's awake…doing okay?"

"Yes. She's a little anxious about everything. But she's beginning to get some movement back in her arms."

"Anxious? She's afraid that …that things won't…"

"No," Greg said, waving him off. "She's determined to get past this but she'll need physical therapy. She just doesn't like being here. So, how are you doing?"

Jim shrugged. "I'm alive; I guess that's something… She's really okay?"

"Well….she'll need some therapy and some counseling and…I dunno, some TLC, but yeah, she'll be okay."

Jim digested Greg's admission quietly. Greg watched him and suddenly understanding dawned. "You know…she um…well, she says you were pretty heroic."

Jim flushed. "Like hell I was…they got to her," he growled.

"Only one…if you hadn't …done what you did, it would have been worse for her. You know that, don't you?"

"Still, it wasn't enough."

Greg decided to change the subject. "You know, Sara has this theory about her and Vartann…"

Jim's head shot up. "Vartann?"

"Yeah, Sara thinks they're an item."

"Oh," Jim said, deflated.

"Yeah, but I have a different theory."

Jim's eyebrow shot up. Sanders was pretty astute with these things. "You do?"

"Yeah. He hasn't shown up to visit that I know of. Besides, Catherine and I were talking one time about what women want in a man. And well, I don't think Vartann was her ideal, if you know what I mean…"

"He wasn't? So…what is her ideal…do you think?"

"Well, she said women want someone they can count on. And then, she said she wanted a meat and potatoes kind of guy. I don't think that's Vartann."

"Vartann's reliable."

"On the job, yeah…but, I dunno, he's kind of a player."

"Hell, aren't we all? But he'd settle if it was the right woman. And Catherine…she's, well, he'd be lucky."

Greg nodded, knowingly. Jim had just confirmed his suspicion. "Well, I have to get ready for shift. You want anything when I come back? Scotch, skin mags….a woman…"

Jim chuckled. "No…but thanks." He paused for a moment and then asked the question that played constantly in his mind. "Did you find the asshole yet?"

"No, but we will." Jim nodded and watched Greg leave.

Greg smirked as he left Jim and headed back through the hallway to Catherine's room.

"Jim's awake and…I think he's worried about you. Might be good if he could see that you're okay. If I can get the nurse to go along, are you up for a visit?"

"From Jim?" She straightened up, her face lighting. "Yeah, but not if it's going to hurt him."

"I think it will do more good than harm, for both of you. I'll see what I can do."

Greg found the nurse and relayed his idea. "I don't know," she answered. "He's tried to get up several times to see her and he shouldn't be moving around…but Joyce told me that he was anxious about Ms. Willows and that she had called the doctor about it. He never called back with instructions. I can't let Mr. Brass get up without instructions…"

"Yeah, well…you don't know Jim Brass. He's worried and… He won't quit trying until he sees that she's okay. I think a visit would be really good for him. He'll be more co-operative once he sees her for himself."

"Well, let me call his doctor…."

The nurse reappeared a few minutes later with a wheel chair. "Someone is coming to help him into it. The doctor says no more than ten minutes and then he has to rest."

Greg nodded. "I'll take the chair in there and if your helper doesn't come soon, you can bet he'll get himself into it, so tell your person to hurry."

Wheeling the chair into Jim's room, Greg smiled. "Wanna go for a ride?"

Jim eyed the chair and then grinned. "To Catherine?"

Greg nodded and pushed the chair closer. "Someone is on their way to help you. Doctor says a ten minute visit and then you rest. Deal?"

Jim nodded. "Okay…yeah." His eyes were fixed on the chair, anticipation overtaking him. A few minutes later a young man showed up. "I'm Phillip, your Physical Therapist. You were scheduled for this tomorrow but the doctor said to go ahead. Okay?"

"Yeah," Jim said eagerly.

Phillip lowered the bed rail and instructed Jim on each movement as they positioned him on the side of the bed. Then Phillip wrapped a belt behind Jim and had Jim put his good arm around his neck and then helped Jim stand. Then slowly, he inched Jim around in front of the chair and eased him down to sit. "You okay," he asked as he looked at Jim. Breathing heavily, Jim nodded. Then checking his pulse, Phillip nodded in agreement. "Okay then…Sir, can you bring his IV pole?" He asked Greg as he put Jim's feet on the foot rests of the chair.

Greg pulled the machine closer and watched as Phillip hung the catheter bag on the back of the chair, careful not to tangle the line, then released the brakes and began to move the chair. Greg followed closely behind so that the IV line remained lose.

Catherine's face lit when she saw Jim roll through her door. "Jim," she exclaimed, grateful to see him looking better than she remembered.

Jim waved and smiled. "In the flesh…" Then looking down at his hospital gown woefully he added, "Probably a little too much flesh…" _She's here…alive….and talking. She's going to be okay…god she's beautiful, even if she is all banged up._ He soaked up the sight of her lying is a raised position in the bed, propped against a stack of pillows. She looked small…frail even, but gorgeous. Jim couldn't think of anything he'd ever seen in his life that looked better.

Catherine chuckled. "Your arm…how is it?"

Jim touched his left arm with his right hand gingerly. "It's been better, but it feels a lot better than it did in that basement. Can't put a real cast on it for a couple of days. But they got the bone set and the wound is stitched. Doc says I'll have an impressive scar…" His blue eyes settled on hers. "How are you?"

"She shrugged slightly. "Been better…but I'll be okay. Seeing you…I'm better already."

"Yeah?" He asked. He hadn't realized how tense he'd been until that moment, when the coil inside of him began to unwind.

"Yeah," she answered with conviction. "You sure you're okay? What about where you were stabbed?"

"I'll be okay…," Jim said, downplaying his condition _…if you're okay._ But there was an elephant in the room. Jim wanted to say something but he wasn't sure how to go about it.

"Catherine, I…after I passed out… I'm …sorry," he said sadly.

Her eyes met his, tears in both sets of blue eyes. "You nearly got killed Jim…what happened after…it….well, I'm alive. If you had died, I ….it would have been….too much."

His emotions overflowed. "I'm sorry, Catherine. I didn't know they were going to…to….I just knew I had to stop them. They'd already killed once and I thought they would kill us. Maybe if I hadn't fought…I mean, they did leave us alive."

"They thought you were dead though when he put you in that basement. And when they were ready to leave, he tossed me down there too. I don't think he believed we would live."

"Yeah, but still…I'm sorry….if I'd…."

Catherine cut him off. "Jim don't. Don't second guess it. You did everything you could do to protect me. I've never had anyone fight for me like that…"

"Yeah, but…it wasn't enough," Jim lamented.

"Look, I can't…I can't talk about it much…not yet. I felt so …helpless…seeing them beat you like that…it…was horrible. But when we're out of here, when we can sit down with…I don't know, some perspective maybe, we'll talk. But I don't want you beating yourself up over it. I was there; I saw how hard you fought. And …I tried to help but…One of them hit me and shoved me down. They were too much…for both of us."

Jim frowned and grunted. "Okay, we'll talk….later. But, still…I'm sorry."

Catherine's eyes locked with his. There was so much she wanted to say; so much hurt she wanted to take away from him. But she knew that he wasn't ready to let it go. He was, after all, Jim Brass. He was hard on himself, always expecting more. Always taking on guilt for the times he fell short of his mark. "It'll be okay, Jim. We'll be okay."

He nodded, tears sitting in his eyes. But he didn't seem convinced. And she thought she detected something else in his expression, something she couldn't quite grasp. She opened her mouth to ask but Phillip spoke first. "Okay, Mr. Brass….time's up. Maybe you can come back for a short visit tomorrow."

"So soon?" he asked, genuinely surprised. "But we just got here…"

"Time's up. Doc won't let you come back if we don't do what he says."

Jim glanced over his shoulder at Phillip. "Yeah, okay…." Then looking back at Catherine, he smiled. "See you tomorrow, Beautiful."

Catherine laughed. "Yeah…" _I'm a mess. How can he call me beautiful?_ Her smile faded as her mind flashed back to that room, to the sight of him fighting so hard for them, to the stabbing, to the beating he took even after he was unconscious, and then…

_No, it was a dream, a really horrible nightmare…it didn't happen…it couldn't have…._ But Jim's wounds asserted the truth, as well as her own.

* * *

Once again, I am inspired by your reviews. I really do appreciate the time you take to leave comments. Along with inspiring me to keep writing, they often give me very good insights and ideas. So please keep stimulating my process. I look forward to reading what you think.


	5. Chapter 5

Your reviews were so supportive that I just had to finish this chapter and get it posted quickly. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

Catherine hurt for Jim; he was obviously in emotional pain. _Sometimes he takes too much responsibility for things…shoulders the guilt for things that aren't his fault.., _she thought. And even though he looked better than he had in the cellar, he still looked rough. He'd hedged her questions about his injuries, but then she'd done the same thing. Besides, it wasn't like Jim to dwell on such things.

She wanted to follow him…hold him, let him hold her; she wanted to tell him that she really was okay. The only problem was, it would be a lie. No matter how much she wanted to deny them, the events in that room would be with her for the rest of her life. And while the doctors were optimistic about her paralysis fading with time, there could be some permanent damage there too. They wouldn't know for weeks, maybe months. Her trip down the steps had also broken some ribs and even a deep breath was painful. It was all so frustrating and truth be told, she was hurting in every way possible. Her body hurt in more places than she cared to catalogue and it hurt to think. Her heart was broken from all the pain that Jim had endured on her behalf and her spirit was broken because of what had happened. Where could she even begin to recover?

At her insistence, Nick had convinced Lindsey to stay at school until the weekend, so Catherine had to wait a few days to see her. And honestly, she was glad about that. She would have to be strong for her daughter and she wasn't feeling very strong just yet. She wanted someone to be there, to be strong for her. Quite simply, she needed someone to lean on, a shoulder to cry on, someone to hold her and tell her that everything would be alright even if neither of them really believed it. Her mother might have filled that role but since Sam had died, the two had undergone some role reversal and now Catherine was finding more and more that she had to be a source of strength for her mother. No, her mother couldn't help either.

Slowly, tears slid down her cheeks as despair overwhelmed her. _Damn, can't even move my arms enough to wipe the damned tears away…_ That small bit of reality took away her last bit of strength and she began to sob. She let it all out, the fear and horror of the attack, the hopelessness of being in the cellar and watching Jim slip away from her, and the moment to moment reminders of what the attackers had taken away from her. She tried to take heart from the fact that both she and Jim had survived, from the doctor's optimism, and from the stalwart support of her friends, but the sorrow was just too much.

By the time the nurse, Lupe this time, came to check on her, Catherine was sobbing hysterically. "Ms. Willows, my goodness….here let me get you a box of tissues." Lupe hurried from the room and reappeared quickly with a box of tissues. Pulling a few from the box, she put some in Catherine's hand and then began wiping her face. Catherine was able to hold her tissues and even move her arm enough to blot at the tears that had dripped onto her gown. Lupe had Catherine's face dry promptly and then went to get a washcloth.

"Here, let's wash your face," she told Catherine. "I know this is all so overwhelming…but I'm sure letting it out will help. I know that sometimes a good cry helps me find the strength to tackle the hard stuff. But you'll see…in time it will all be just a bad memory." Lupe was all smiles and consolation. But for Catherine, it wasn't enough. As much as Lupe tried, Catherine just felt so hopeless.

And then she thought of Jim. Who was there for him? Where did his strength come from? He certainly hadn't had anyone to count on in…forever. In fact, he'd been there, providing comfort for so many others, her included. How did he do it? Suddenly she had an overwhelming desire…no, need to see him…just talk to him, feel his quiet fortitude; see the steadfastness in his eyes. Once again, he would be her rock.

But then she felt guilty. He was in bad enough shape himself without having to take her on his shoulders. His road was not an easy one either. She still didn't know how bad the actual stab wound was, but the infection couldn't be good. And his arm…would it heal well enough for him to return to duty? A compound fracture…that didn't sound good. And of course, Jim was in his late fifties…bones don't heal as easily as when one is younger. Who would be his fortitude? Who would be his rock? How did he do it?

Worn out from the pain, the worry, and the fear, Catherine drifted to sleep with her thoughts still swirling in her mind.

Down the hall, Jim was deep in thought. _She was happy to see me, but don't read too much there. Of course she'd be happy to see that I made it…_His brow furrowed as he remembered the immediate change in her expression when he'd wheeled in. He had been relieved to see her, to know for certain that she was alive. Oh sure, his head had known it but to see her…that was when his heart knew it. Despite the bruises and small cuts, she had been beautiful…_oh geez, so beautiful…How did she manage that?_ Oh sure, her hair was a mess and of course she wasn't wearing make-up, but when he saw her, he thought that she was the most gorgeous thing he'd ever seen in his life.

And yet, she'd looked so vulnerable. His eyes narrowed as he remembered her expression once the happiness at seeing him had passed. It was a mixture of pain and sorrow, melancholy and fright. It had hurt to see that in her eyes. It hurt to know that he hadn't been strong enough to keep it from being there. Jim wished he could take it away. She looked so small, so frail in the hospital bed. It seemed like the white sheets might swallow her. And sadly, it seemed that she wanted them to swallow her.

A sudden pain shot through his side. He grimaced and repositioned himself, trying to get some relief.

Jim sighed and turned his head toward the window, trying to focus on the light that came through, the brightly lit night sky of Vegas that lightened the opening. He needed to focus on something else, something outside, away from the darkness of their shared experience. Thinking about Catherine, what had happened to her…it just hurt too much. He should've been able to prevent it. The nurse had brought his meds a few minutes before and mercifully sleep soon encompassed him.

Back at the lab, Nick was having a tough conversation with Sara. "Vartann is going to take Jim's statement but I think you should be the one to interview Catherine about what happened. Ecklie wants me to hand the case over to Day Shift but I remembered how he let us handle Warrick's case and I did what Grissom did; I insisted that we do it. But, I don't think she wants to talk about it with either Greg or me…and certainly not Ray. So that leaves you."

"But Nick…we're all so close. I mean, it's going to be awkward for me too…"

"Yeah, I know Sara. But, well…I think it'll be better talking to you than to one of us."

"Because I'm a woman…" Sara responded with resignation.

"Yeah, because you are a woman." Nick gave her a reassuring smile.

"Okay then… I'll head over in a few minutes. I'm hoping Wendy will have the DNA results back on the table leg soon."

"You know it's gonna have Jim's blood…what else are you expecting to find?"

"I…" she frowned, "it's more of what I hope we don't find. But there were….other samples on that leg. For one, it could conclusively prove that our suspect is the one that beat Jim so unmercifully."

"Yeah…okay." Nick paused and then looked at Sara thoughtfully. "You know, I'm beginning to understand why Grissom burned out. It's hard enough to see what people you don't know have to deal with every day…all the death and destruction, but when it starts happening to the people you know and care about… It's just, I thought after Warrick, I could handle about anything but this…I dunno, Sara…"

Sara looked at him sadly. "Yeah, but who better to handle this than people that care about Catherine and Jim. And for the record, Gil had more that he was dealing with than the job. He was having to decide what to do personally. I think life was just…difficult for him at that point. I was the one that burned out…he just…well, he knew he had to get away from this if we were going to have a chance….realign his focus, you might say."

"But you're back?"

"Yeah, …having the right someone in your corner…it makes this …easier?" Her eyes twitched as she struggled to find the right wording and then she just let it go. "Anyway, I'll go check with Wendy…"

Nicked watched her walk out of the room and smiled. Even after more than a year after Grissom left, Nick was amazed by the way things had turned out for him and for Sara. He was glad she had found some peace and some stability but he wondered about his mentor. They were married but living separate lives. How long could it last? Thinking about them turned his thoughts to Catherine. For a long time, Nick had believed that she and Grissom would eventually end up together. Instead, it looked like their old boss, Brass might have a shot. And as he considered it, Brass might be a better fit for her anyway. He would understand things about her that Grissom would never get. _Brass is a good man, _he thought_. Catherine is lucky to have him in her corner…_

* * *

This is a little short, I know. And it is a set up chapter so not much happening. But I promise, there will be more soon.


	6. Chapter 6

About an hour later Detective Vartann knocked on the door to Jim's room. Not hearing a response, he peeked in to discover his superior was asleep. Looking around the room, he tried to decide if he should wake the Captain. He understood that Jim had been through a brutal ordeal and the sleep was probably drug aided. But he needed a statement. Looking at Jim, he wondered what Jim would do. He'd seen Jim in a variety of situations but as he reflected, he remembered how solicitous Jim usually was with injured victims. Tony wanted to follow his supervisor's example so his next decision was to either wait until the man woke up or leave and come back later. He shifted his weight and something in his motion must have alerted the older man to his presence because Jim woke, wide eyed and startled.

"It's okay; it's just me," Tony said quickly.

Jim seemed to relax, his expression changing as he eyed Tony. "Yeah, hey Tony…"

"Jim," Tony nodded. "Um…you feeling any better?"

The older man sighed and then let a small grin touch his lips. "If you mean do I feel like I've been run over by a Mac truck instead of feeling like a building fell on me, then yeah…I feel better."

Tony smiled nervously. "Good." Then hesitantly he continued, "I um…I'm here to get your statement, Jim."

Jim's face fell as he studied Vartann. "Yeah….right. Suppose it had to happen…Okay."

Tony cleared his throat. "Yeah well, as we understand things, you and Catherine were finishing up in the upstairs bedroom when someone hit you over the head?"

Furrowing his eyebrows in an effort to remember, Jim answered. "Yeah. I was watching her close up her case. Another couple of minutes and we would have been out of there."

"Did you see the man that hit you?"

"Um…not at first. He hit me …I dunno, with something hard…luckily I'm hard headed," Jim said as he looked up at his subordinate. "I went down but I wasn't out. Then…a second guy lunged for Catherine. I…rolled into his legs, toppling him and then…" Jim closed his eyes and sighed, "I was up…I dunno know, I don't remember how…"

"It's okay Jim, just take your time…"

"Yeah…there was a third one….near the door. The second one pulled a knife so I pulled my gun. I told him to put it down. He went for Catherine and I shot him. The first one started swinging again…Um, it's kind of fuzzy. I fought back. I remember him hitting me with that stick again…" Jim tilted his head, trying to piece the events together. "That's when my gun slid under the bed…"

"It was a table leg, a pretty hefty one… And the guy you shot…his name was Kyle Allen. Had a colorful record that included everything from petty theft to armed robbery and assault."

Jim looked at him, bemused. A table leg? I…didn't know. Anyway, that one caught me in the face and knocked me backwards…. The other guy, the third one, started moving towards Catherine and…" squinting his eyes, Jim played the scene in his mind. "…I dove into him…That's when the first one slammed my arm. Catherine pushed the other guy off of her and tried to help me but her attacker recovered and slammed her down on the desk. I um…went for the first guy; he was the closest. I had to get past him to get to Catherine…The other one, he came at me then…I…I punched him. I think I broke his nose…something in his face…anyway, he stumbled back and I …charged into the first one, yelling for Catherine to run. That's when the other one stabbed me. He…he must've come up from behind…" Jim took a deep breath. "He pulled the knife out and…somehow…I dunno, I remember turning it on him."

Vartann nodded. "Yeah, he had a wound in the center of his chest. It nicked a rib and punctured a lung. Took a few hours but that's what killed him, Doc Robbins said. His name was Ned Clark. He was on parole for attempted murder."

"Mmmmm, okay…yeah. Um…that left the original one. I turned…I think I was standing in front of Catherine then… He swung again and…that's all I remember. Next thing I knew we were in the basement…"

Tony clenched his jaw. "He roughed you up more after that. Apparently he used the table leg a few more times and then kicked you in the ribs several times. He used your cuffs to restrain Catherine. The two of them must have drug you to the basement. Then they went back up to Catherine…"

Jim grunted. "Yeah," he said sourly. "They um…they… got to her, didn't they?"

"Yeah Jim, they raped her. She must've fought back because we found their blood on her. They retaliated but giving her a going over too…not as bad as you but…"

Tony was giving him just enough information that Jim could see it in his mind, see her fighting, and see them even getting revenge. It brought tears to his eyes. "She..yeah, she would fight back…" The images playing his mind were tying him in knots. _Oh Catherine, I'm sorry…_

"Sara thinks that they…" Tony sucked in a breath, "used the table leg on her."

Anger boiled in Jim. Guilt and sadness were overwhelmed by his fury. _Why? Why so brutal? Why her? She didn't deserve that… _He fought to collect himself and then remembered Greg's recounting of Sara's theory. "So, have you seen her?"

Tony looked surprised. "Catherine? No…"

"I thought you two were an item?" Jim glared at the other man.

"We went out but…this is pretty…heavy stuff. She's going to be very high maintenance for a long time and…well, the attraction was how easy it was…you know, casual…but now…."

Jim stared angrily at the man. "You're kidding, right? You going to walk away from her because of this?"

Tony shrugged. "Hey, we weren't that serious…Bedsides, there must have been something she did, I mean…she oozes hotness, you know."

"But she needs…" Jim started but then the full impact of Vartann's words hit him full force. He felt blood rising in his face and suddenly he wanted to be sick.

"Yeah, that's the problem. I don't need needy."

Rage clouded Jim's mind. He wanted to pummel the guy. "You sorry piece of shit," he spat. "Get the hell out of here…get out!"

Jim glared at the door after Vartann walked out. He couldn't believe the man…how could he abandon Catherine? And he thought she did something to bring this on her? Didn't the ass know that she was the best thing that could ever happen to him? Then with a sigh, he wished he was in Vartann's shoes, dating Catherine. He wouldn't leave her side…not for one minute.

His chest tightened as he thought of her, of what they had done to her. _I should've been stronger…I should have stopped them._

So many emotions swept over him; anger, guilt, frustration, despair…he couldn't breath. And then it all exploded into sobs. "I tried," he cried, "but I'm never good enough…Oh geez, Catherine," he whimpered, "I should've been better..." And then the tears stopped as his mind seized one clear thought. _She's alone…hurting and alone. I'm going to be there for her…no matter what. She's going to be able to count on me. This time, I won't let her down. _This_ time, I'm going to get it right…_

* * *

Okay, I know I didn't treat Vartann right. But there have been a few times on the show when he has been incredibly insensitive so this is payback (she grins wickedly). Besides, I needed to get him out of Jim's way, right?

So let me know what you think. I've picked up on a couple of good suggestions from your commments and a couple others have made me think things through better, so you really are helping me write this story. Awsome, isn't it?


	7. Chapter 7

Tony Vartann passed Sara in the hall, just outside of Catherine's door. He was fuming over Jim's outrage and stormed down the hallway, barely acknowledging her. Sara watched him as he turned the corner and then sighing, turned her attention towards her task, interviewing Catherine.

"Hey Cath," she said, smiling as she walked through the door, trying to display brightness that she didn't feel.

Catherine looked up, slightly surprised to see her and then nodded. "Sara…" Dread was clearly showing in her features.

"I um…I'm really sorry about what happened to you," Sara began.

"Yeah, well…I guess I'm part of the one in three club now," she said sarcastically. "Although, a few years ago, I thought that maybe…but you were there for that too, weren't you?"

Sara tilted her head, disturbed by Catherine's attitude. "Yeah, I was," she drawled, "and relieved when it turned out to be a hoax. But this time, it isn't." Sadness tinged her voice. "And I'm truly sorry."

"Yeah, okay," Catherine answered, anger permeating her tone and expression.

"Look, I'm here to take your statement. We thought you'd rather not have one of the guys…"

"Yeah, right. That's all I need…the details spread all over CSI and the PD."

"You know that won't happen, Cath." Sara tried to sound reassuring.

"Right."

"Well, suppose we get it over with and then…we won't have to bother you about it anymore."

"Sure you will. One thing will lead to another and you'll have more questions. But yeah…ask what you need to ask."

"So, I guess just describe what you remember…"

Catherine's eyes focused on something on the wall across from her as she began to tell her version of the events. She described clearly the events up until she'd been knocked to the floor. Then she described Jim's beating but became fuzzy when the attacker's attention turned to her. Slowly she told about how first one and then the other took a turn with her, although the second one was the one that Jim had wounded and he couldn't finish. He got angry and hit her again, this time with the table leg that they'd used on Jim. And then, she sobbed, in a rage he'd used it on her declaring that maybe she'd like that piece of wood… "I passed out at that point," she finished, shame filling her.

Sara was writing but finding it difficult to see her notes because of the tears in her eyes. Her jaw clenched and anger filled her for what had been done to her friend. Once Catherine finished, Sara closed her notebook and reached into her bag. "I um…brought something. I know you can't use it just yet and probably wouldn't want to but one day…you might find it helpful." She handed a beautifully bound journal to Catherine. "I um…was raped years ago. And…well, I wasn't good at trusting people and so I wouldn't talk about it…to anyone. It took a long time to get past the depression and…only when finally, I went to a therapist. The first thing she told me was to journal…to write down all the things I was thinking and feeling. I thought she was stupid, you know. How was writing about it going to help? But I did it …and it did help. Eventually, with some more counseling, I did move forward. So, one day, when you're ready…you'll have a place to write it all."

Catherine looked at her fearfully. "Did you…keep it? You still have it?"

Sara grinned weakly. "No, after I met Gil, after we…got together. I knew I didn't need it anymore. I'd finally found a safe place besides a journal. But for years, my journals were my only safe place."

"So..you just…threw them away?"

A grin broke out on Sara's face. "Not exactly," she drawled. "I um…had a huge bonfire."

Catherine stared at her quietly. "I…didn't know. I'm sorry…I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend…didn't make you feel more welcome when you came."

Sara smiled genuinely. "We did have a rough beginning, didn't we? But part of it was my fault. I thought that you…that you and Gil were…but, when Hank…well, you were a real friend through that."

Catherine looked back at the journal that was sitting in her lap. "Thank you," she said. "Would you…I can't… could you put it on the table for me?"

Sara smiled and reached for it. She put it on the bedside table. "It will wait until you are ready."

Sara visited a few more minutes. She told Catherine how worried Gil was about her and that he was planning to come see her as soon as he could make arrangements. And then she left.

And once again, Catherine began to cry, first in sadness and then in anger.

Waking with a start, Jim glanced around, getting his bearings again. Looking out of the window, he saw that the sun was rising. It would be full daylight soon. He turned his head towards the door, wondering about Catherine. His abrupt awakening was because of a dream, reliving in it the horrifying events in that cursed bedroom. And the dream renewed his anxiety about her. An urge overtook him, and with some effort, he was soon standing next to his bed, his IV pole next to him. Gingerly, he reached down to unhook his urine bag and carefully stood again. He hung the offensive bag on a hook on the IV pole and then holding the pole with his right hand, he began a shuffle step across the floor, using the pole as support.

Carefully, he peered out of the door into the hall. He didn't see any signs of the nurses or anyone else for that matter. Cautiously, he made his way down the hall, the direction he'd gone the previous day. His side hurt and he was out of breath by the time he made it to her room. He scooted across her floor as quietly as he could since she had cried herself to sleep. He saw the tear stains on her face and the wet splotches on her pillow and groaned. A chair was next to her bed, and he gratefully sat. After a few deep breaths, he settled against the back and contented himself with watching her sleep.

It calmed him to see the steady rise and fall of her chest. She looked so peaceful. _She deserves some peace…_

Gathering his courage, Jim leaned forward enough to put his hand on the bed, his fingertips barely touching her arm. _She feels warm, that's good. _ He wasn't sure why it was so important for him to touch her; he just knew that he had to do it. It soothed him. Finding a little more courage, he covered her hand with his. It was a surprise when she wiggled her fingers, turning her hand slightly to intertwine her fingers in his. He studied their joined hands and tilted his head slightly as he tried to understand how such a simple thing could make his heart race and his gut knot so tightly.

Catherine's eyes opened just enough to watch him as he scrutinized their hands. His head was tilted and his tender expression was awe filled, giving him an almost child-like look. It was a side of Jim Brass that wasn't often on display. "Jim," she whispered.

His face changed, taking on a deer in the headlights quality but he recovered quickly. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you," he said softly. _He has such gentle eyes, _she thought_. Why haven't I ever noticed that before?_ Catherine watched him intently as her mind filed away his expression for further review. _He doesn't let anyone see that side of him very often, that's why._

"It's okay," she whispered back. Then glancing behind him, "you don't have your posse," she said teasingly.

Jim grunted. "The posse argues too much…"

"You should be in bed..."

A sly grin encompassed his face, mischief playing in his eyes. "Is that an invitation?"

She swallowed with difficulty because at that moment, it was exactly what she wanted. She needed him to climb into her bed and hold her, to wrap her in his warmth and his strength, to make her feel safe. And like a thunderbolt, it struck her. _All these years and I've never seen it…how did I miss it? _ He was everything she wanted in a man.

Jim saw the change in her expression, his eyebrow rising as a question formed in his mind. But before he could ask it a firm voice spoke from behind. "So here you are, Mr. Brass."

Jim turned his head slightly to glimpse Joyce, the nurse in the corner of his eye. Then turning back to Catherine, he winked. "The warden is gonna send me back to my cell…."

"You stay right there until I get a wheelchair," she ordered him.

Catherine smirked. "Behave Jim. I don't want you making things worse. You need to rest."

"Yeah…I know. But…I just needed to see you again."

She tried to squeeze his hand but her fingers wouldn't cooperate. Her fingers must have moved though because Jim glanced down, smiled, and then tightened his grip on her hand. "I'm here Catherine…she might make me go back to my room, but…I'm here."

Catherine wanted to ask what he meant, wanted to know what here meant, wanted to understand but Joyce was back before she could formulate the question. Joyce readied Jim to get back in his chair but he held her hand as long as he could. Then, on her orders, he stood and shifted to the wheelchair.

The loss of his grip left Catherine feeling alone again and she winced. Jim caught it sighed. "I'll be back," he told her with a firmness that she recognized. This was the man that she needed, the steadfast one, the one with resolve, the man that would fight for her when she couldn't fight for herself. Her expression softened as she watched him being wheeled away.

And then she began to cry again. This was the man she could never have because he knew…he wouldn't want what she was now. She wasn't good enough for him. He would always see the way she was in that room, weak and useless, baggage to hold him back, and soiled and filthy. Jim was a good man, a clean one; he wouldn't want her, not now anyway. He was just being kind when he said he was here…when he said he'd be back. _Sure, he'll come back, because he said he would. But he won't stay…_

Sobs racked her body. _Why? Why did this happen to me?_ But she knew three was no real answer to that. _What was it Gil used to say about assigning reason to unreasonable behavior?_ Her mind couldn't quite grab it, couldn't bring the memory forward. But she understood…there was no logic, no reason to this…just evil. And somehow that added to her grief. And then she thought of Jim, of how much he meant to her. _Why am I just now seeing this…why now? If I had understood before, what would my life been like? Would he…could he feel the same? Not now…Why did it have to be now?_

She wanted to pound her hands into the mattress but of course, she couldn't. She wanted to kick something, run away…anything to release the anger that was building in her. But she was helpless to do those things. So instead, she sobbed until her head hurt, until there were no more tears left; she sobbed until exhausted, she slept.


	8. Chapter 8

Many thanks for your supportive comments! Your enthusiasm is inspiring. Sure hope this chapter meets your expectations. I seem to have set a high standard for myself. So, here go....

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Jim was angry; angry at himself for not saving her, angry at Nurse Joyce because she made him leave, angry at Vartann for abandoning her, just angry. Phillip came and tried to work with him but Jim was too angry. He wouldn't cooperate. The doctor came by to check on him and Jim snarled. The nurses checked on him and he growled. They brought food and he dumped the tray. He was acrimoniously, bitterly, trenchantly angry. His mood was malevolent and brutal, uncontrollably and frenetically relentless…feral in nature. And consequently, he was largely left alone.

The medical professionals thought they recognized what was happening. They had seen grief before, although not quite like this. They decided to give it a few hours. He didn't have the strength to rage this fiercely for long. The anger wouldn't go away easily, but his ability to act on it would soon dissipate. Meanwhile, the doctor left orders for a psychiatrist to see him, but not until later. There was no point in sending one in with Jim in this state.

Joyce went to check on Catherine after her breakfast. An aide had helped her with eating but she hadn't eaten much. She'd heard some commotion down the hall and suspected it was Jim. And then she'd heard him yell and she knew things were not going well. It frightened her and she withdrew into herself. As she went about checking the vitals, Joyce watched Catherine. Her eyes were lifeless and unresponsive. She'd almost seemed happy when Mr. Brass was here…at least livelier. Sighing, she decided to try to talk to the woman. "Your friend is quite a handful today…" she dropped it subtlety, gauging her patient's response.

Catherine blinked. "Jim?"

"Yes. He's kind of cute, you know, the way he keeps trying to get in to see you. All the nurses are envious."

"What?"

"Oh, don't you know," she said in a gossipy whisper. "He keeps trying to get out of bed. He did it several times yesterday but this morning was his first success in actually getting to your room. He's worried about you… always asking us how you are…every time we go in there, he asks."

Catherine narrowed her eyes as she tried to comprehend. "He…he shouldn't get out of bed…" But her mind was digesting this new information…_maybe he does care for me, maybe even…love me?_ _Or maybe he just feels guilty,_ she sighed.

"No, he shouldn't. He had surgery on that stab wound, had to repair some internal damage…he should be quiet. But he won't."

Catherine smirked. "Jim's never _quiet_. He might not be talking, but he's not quiet. Even if it's just his fingers fidgeting, he's always in motion…" She remembered once when he was trying to be still, trying not to respond to something Gil said, but he just couldn't be totally still so he was bouncing on his toes. The motion irritated Gil which brought a satisfactory gleam to Jim's eyes. No, Jim was rarely quiet.

"Well, we're going to have to do something if this doesn't stop soon…but still, I wish a man would worry over me like that," she said dreamily.

Catherine looked at her, confused. "What?"

"He just…it's like all he can think about is you. And when I took him back this morning…well, that's when his anger boiled over. I can't go in there right now. He's very angry with me. Lupe is checking him periodically for me."

"But…what's he so angry about?"

"You'd have to ask him to be sure…and I'm not asking," she said warily. "But…anger is normal with grief."

"But…no one died…I mean, not anyone that he would grieve over."

"No, but you are hurt and he …well, I kind of think he's a little sweet on you."

_I wish, _Catherine sighed. "Jim? No, we've worked together and been friends for years. No, he's just worried because of that…"

"Is like that all the time?"

"Like what?"

"So…explosive."

Looking away, Catherine tried to remember times when she'd seen Jim out of control. "No," she answered. "In fact, I can't remember him being explosive ever. He has a temper, but it is always controlled. I've seen him emotional but always controlled. And…often the emotion he shows is not what he is actually feeling…consequence of the job, I suppose."

"He's a cop, right?"

Catherine nodded, "one of the best…"

Just then Lupe stuck her head in the door. "Joyce, I need you…"

Joyce hurried to Lupe and they left, talking softly as they headed down the hall.

Catherine took a deep breath.. _Jim…out of control? It just makes no sense…_

Lupe guided Joyce down to Jim's room. "I tried to get a look at his wound but he won't be still. I don't know what to do…"

Joyce paused at his door and took a deep breath. "Okay, we'll both go in. I may need your help…"

Once inside, she eyed Jim, who was glowering in his bed, anger seeping through every pore. "Mr. Brass…"

"Unless you've come to take me back to see Catherine, get out," he barked.

"No, I haven't come from that…although I was just in her room."

His head lifted, his expression softening somewhat. "You were? She's oaky?"

"You frightened her."

"I did? How?" His repentant expression amused Joyce.

"She heard the commotion and recognized your voice," Joyce said accusingly.

Jim stilled immediately. "She did?"

"Yes and it frightened her. She is worried about you. This isn't helping _her_."

Jim's jaw tightened. His eyes fixed on the wall, as if he were trying to see through it to see Catherine. "I didn't mean to…"

His regret disturbed Joyce and she decided to get down to business. "Mr. Brass, Lupe says you are bleeding. We need to check your wound."

Jim frowned and looked down. There was blood on his gown and as he moved it aside, he realized it had seeped from the bandage over his wound. "I…didn't realize…."

"Please be still and let us take a look. At the very least, we need to rebandage it."

Guiltily, Jim looked up at her. "Okay, I'll…I'll try to calm down. I didn't know that I was upsetting Catherine."

"And you'll let us check you?"

Jim nodded. "And then…then you'll tell her that I'm okay, that…I've calmed down?"

Joyce smiled at him, wondering if these two realized the depth of their feelings for one another. "That'll be my next stop."

Jim surrendered. Joyce, with Lupe's help, unwrapped his wound and cleaned it. Then looking at Jim, she frowned. "I want the doctor to look at this…" He swallowed and furrowed his eyes. "Is something wrong?"

Joyce spoke calmly. "You mean besides ripping a couple of stitches?"

"Oh."

"I'm going to go call him. We'll just put gauze over it but not tape it. You have to stay still. Can you do that?"

"You mean, will I do that? Yes. But you promised you'd tell Catherine..."

"And I will," she smiled before leading Lupe from the room.

Jim stared at his soiled gown, numb. His rage had dissipated and he was spent. The only thing he wanted more than sleep was to see Catherine. But it seemed neither would happen soon. He'd screwed things up. He'd torn his stitches and now they wouldn't let him up for a couple of days and he couldn't sleep until they finished repairing the damage he'd done. Despair crept through him, draining what little energy he had left. _You stupid bastard…_

The doctor appeared a few minutes later, examined the wound and groaned. "I can't tell if it is the incision that is infected or if it is deeper. We'll start another course of antibiotics and watch it closely," he said. Jim couldn't tell if he was talking to him or the nurse. But it was clear who the man was speaking to when he looked at Jim scornfully. "You've set yourself back, Jim. You can't keep going against my orders. All of your activity is causing more grief for you."

"I…I know. I just had to see her…" Jim said mournfully.

"Well, you'll see her sooner if you take my advice and stay quiet for a few days. You get up again and the whole thing could open and then we'll have a real problem. I can't restitch the area, there is too much damage. We're going to have to let this close on its own. Luckily it is only a small area but if you rip anymore stitches…"

"Okay, I get it," Jim answered sullenly. "I'll stay put…"

Content that his patient did indeed get it, the doctor nodded and turned to Joyce. "Go ahead and bandage it again. Let's check it frequently; I want to watch that infection. I'll order the new antibiotics and hopefully we caught this quickly."

Joyce nodded and looked at Jim. "I'll be right back with everything. _Don't move_."

Jim sighed and nodded. He was angry again, angry at himself. He'd lost control and made his situation worse. "Shit," he muttered irritably.

Catherine was worried. She'd sensed that Lupe's problem had to do with Jim. _What happened, _she wondered_. _She heard footsteps in the hallway and voices. Then things were quiet. After a few minutes there were more footsteps, more voices. But she didn't hear signs of an emergency. She was comforted by what she didn't hear. But still, she wanted to know about Jim.

She stared at the call button on her bed rail. She'd begun to get some movement back in her arms but so far, she hadn't been able to do much more than flinch. Actually reaching for the button seemed impossible. But she needed to know about Jim. So focusing her entire being on that button, she willed her hand to move.

"Catherine? Oh thank god…"

Catherine looked up at the voice coming from the doorway. "Mom?"

"I came as soon as I could get here…drove in from Reno. Left as soon as Sara called me."

"Sara?" Catherine looked confused. "Sara called you?"

"Yes. And I'm glad she did." How are you?" Lily Flynn moved closer to her eldest child. "Sara said you'd been roughed up pretty good and that were having difficulty moving."

Still flustered by her mother's sudden appearance, Catherine just stared at her. Finally she collected her wits. "Yes but the doctor says it should be fine in time. But…why did Sara call you?"

"Well, somebody had to. Honestly, I would have thought Jim…"

"He's in the hospital too. He was with me when…we were attacked."

"Oh. Well. That explains that." Lily looked worried. "Honey, you look…"

"Beat up?"

Lily frowned. "Well, that too. But I was going to say that you look anxious. Like something is bothering you."

"Jim."

"Jim is bothering you?" Lily asked, puzzlement clouding her expression.

"Yes…no…I mean…something's happened and I can't find out what."

"To Jim?"

"Yes. Could you…"

"I'll go ask a nurse. Or maybe, I'll just pop in on him myself. I've always liked Jim."

Catherine shook her head. "You have?"

"Yeah. He kind of reminds me of Sam…the better parts of Sam. He's a good man. Your father always had a lot of respect for him. Said Jim was one of the few cops that was actually honest. Sam said he never wanted to get on the wrong side with Jim because he would play it straight. Sam respected that. And whenever Jim worked a case with you, Sam said he knew you'd be safe. Jim would die before he'd let anything happen to you."

"He almost did," Catherine said sadly.

"Oh…" Lily took a long look at her daughter. Then a faint smile crept into her expression. "Well, I'll go check on him.

Lily found Joyce and asked about Jim. Joyce had just finished bandaging him and told Lily she could visit for a few minutes but that Mr. Brass needed to rest. "He's had a rough morning," Joyce told her.

Lily nodded and then walked into his room. "Jim?" she said softly, in case he was sleeping.

Jim looked up. "Lily," he smiled. "Good, you're here for Catherine."

"Yes. Sara called me. I drove all night to get back form Reno."

"How is she?" he asked eagerly.

Smiling, Lily asked, "Sara?"

"No, Catherine…"

Lily studied the expression in his eyes. The man was worried. And all of his worry was focused on her daughter. Well, she thought, Catherine could do much worse…and has. "She's okay, considering…" She watched as Jim relaxed. "She's worried about you."

"Me? Why? I'm okay."

"That's not what she said. She said something happened and she can't find out what. She sent me."

Jim flushed. "Oh. Yeah… I um, well…I kind of lost it earlier. But I'm alright now," he said quickly. "She's really okay?"

Looking at him intently, Lily stepped even closer and covered his hand with hers. Jim looked down at her hand and then back at her, afraid that this was signaling something bad. "Jim…I'm probably speaking when I shouldn't but…"

Jim frowned and then began to panic. "Something's wrong…"

"No…nothing that you don't already know about anyway. But, the way Catherine is acting ... Sam would ask if he were here but since he isn't, so I have to."

Jim's brows furrowed as he tried to follow her. "Ask what?"

"What are your intentions towards my daughter?"

Stunned, Jim just stared at her. He could feel his heart pounding in his ears and knew he should probably take a breath. Finally, he took a deep one and then cleared his throat. "My intentions?"

"Yes. You too have slowly been growing closer over the past few years and lately, I suspected that something was …"

Jim was shaking his head. "Nothing had been going on," he said emphatically.

"Let me finish," Lily insisted.

Jim eased back, staring at her. _Intentions? She thinks I have intentions? What is this, high school?"_

"Catherine has a habit of picking the wrong men. She has terrible judgment in that area. But…not too long before he…died, Sam commented that the two of you seemed closer and that you would be good for her. "He's the kind of man she needs," Sam said. "Catherine could do a lot worse than Jim Brass. He'd be good for her…and to her," he said. "So, I'm asking…do you have feelings for her?"

"It wouldn't matter if I did. She…well, I don't think she'd ever look at me…like that," Jim said unhappily.

Lily squeezed his hand. "I think you are wrong, Jim. I think she is in love with you; she just doesn't know it yet."

Jim's eyes widened. "What? No…she's never…I mean…." His mind was swirling. _If only…_

"Well, your nurse told me not to stay too long. But just…think about what I said. And if you feel the same about her…well, then do something about it. And don't wait too long; don't give her a chance to convince herself she's in love with that insensitive ass, Tony Vartann."

Jim watched her leave, his mind whirling and his heart pounding in his chest. _Catherine in love with me? No way…but Lily knows her pretty good. She's pretty smart about these things…maybe…could it be true? _A huge smile broke out on his face as he considered the possibility. _Please God…please let it be true. _

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_So???? _

_The little button awaits....._


	9. Chapter 9

Finally! You all were so quick and positive with your reviews that I felt compelled to be as quick in getting the next chapter out but the site wouldn't let me upload until now. Argh....

I keep forgetting about those annoying disclaimers. I don't own anything about CSI. But the idea of owning Jim Brass makes my insides tickle, lol. Oh....if only. One thing's for sure, if I did own him I'd be greedy and there would be no sharing.;-D

Happy reading...

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The next day, Nick visited Jim. "Hey man, how are you feeling?"

Jim grunted miserably. Nick smiled. "The nurse, Joyce I think, she says you had a rough day yesterday. I came by before work but you were sleeping and she said not to disturb you."

"She did? It would have been okay…but I was kind of tired."

"Yeah, well… today isn't just a friendly visit. I um…" Nick pulled a picture out of his pocket. "Is this the guy, the third perp?"

Jim took the picture and stared into the eyes of their attacker. "Yeah," Jim answered. "Who is he?"

"Name is Stan Kava. We found his prints and his DNA on the table leg. He's a habitual, violent criminal who had done time in three different states. His last stint was at Huntsville, Texas for rape. We found his prints all over the house and…his semen was present on the original victim, Wanda Roberts. He and his buddies must have come back and that's when they found you and Catherine."

"Pretty brazen, coming back to the scene like that…wonder why they did."

"Yeah, all the info we have on him says he's arrogant. Plus, he's a collector. He probably came back for souvenirs…and he's moved up to murder."

"Where'd he meet his buddies?"

"We don't know yet. And, we think he is still in Vegas. There's a BOLO out on him; we'll find him," Nick said confidently.

"Any connections to this area or is he just a tourist?"

"None that we have found so far… He was staying at a little fleabag off the strip. But he hasn't been there for the last day and a half."

"You sure he hasn't skipped?"

"No, but …there was another victim last night and he's all over the scene."

"Shit," Jim frowned. "I should've just shot him when I had the chance…"

Nick's head bobbed in agreement. "Except that you didn't get the chance. He and his buddies were all over you before you had much of a chance to do anything."

Jim grudgingly accepted Nick's assessment. "You seen Catherine yet?"

"No, thought I'd stop by after I finished here," the younger man said, smiling at his friend's interest in the woman down the hall. "Heard you put up quite a fuss when they separated the two of you yesterday."

Jim sighed and looked shamefacedly at his hands in his lap. "Yeah, I…kind of …lost it."

Nick smirked. "Uh huh…Who do you think you're foolin' Jim?"

"What?" Jim looked up, surprised. "I'm not trying to fool anyone…"

"Right. You expect me to believe that. You're acting like a love struck kid. But you're trying to keep the way you feel about her under wraps…you need to stop acting like you're in middle school, Jim."

The hint of a grin settled on Jim as he looked at his friend. "When it comes to women, guys are always stuck in middle school, Nick."

Nick chuckled. "Yeah, I guess we are… But seriously Jim, she…needs someone. Word is that Vartann hasn't gone near her. It's gotta be killin' her to have all this happen and then the guy you've been seeing just disappears."

"Yeah, Vareann made it pretty clear to me that he wasn't interested anymore since she's…." Jim couldn't repeat what Vartann had said, "since she's hurt."

Nick studied his friend's expression and wondered what he was going to say before he changed it. "Yeah, well…sometimes Tony is…" he fished for the right word, "… inconsiderate when it comes to victims."

Jim cleared his throat. "Catherine isn't just any victim. She's…well, they were supposed to be…hell, I don't know what they were but he was interested enough when things were good. And now that she needs him, he's pulling a Houdini."

"Guess that means he doesn't care enough…like you do," Nick said pointedly.

Sighing, Jim swiped his face with his hand nervously. "I…I wanted to tell her, when I was in her room. I hoped that maybe…I don't know, maybe knowing would somehow help…maybe she wouldn't feel so…," he paused and took a deep breath. "She'd been crying…a lot. And….and she tried to squeeze my hand. And when the nurse was taking me away, she looked…lost."

"So, what's keeping you here man….go back."

"I…um….pulled some stitches and there's…it got infected. I'm under house arrest," Jim confessed woefully.

Nick chuckled. "That must have been some tantrum you threw. I hadn't heard that."

Staring at the younger man thoughtfully, Jim made a decision. "You could take a message…"

"Oh no, I'm not turning into your go between, doing the he said, she said thing and getting everything mixed up."

Jim's shoulders slumped. And then an idea came to him. "You could at least take a note…"

Grinning, Nick nodded. "Yeah, I guess I could do that…"

"So, you got any paper?"

"I'll be right back," he said as he headed out of the door. He walked down the hall and looked on the nurse's desk. Normally he would have asked permission but he didn't see either of the nurses, so he took a legal pad that was sitting on the desk. It wouldn't be missing long, he reasoned.

"Here you go," he told Jim as he walked back into his room. Jim took the pad and then tapped his fingers, signaling that he needed a pen. Nick produced one from his pocket and handed it to Jim. He waited patiently while the injured man wrote.

Nick stood at the window, looking out and pretending not to be interested in the activity in the bed. He grinned when he heard various grunts and groans and more than one page being torn up and tossed on the floor. Finally, he heard one being torn from the table but not being torn. Turning, he watched as Jim folded his note. "Here," he growled as he held the paper out to Nick.

"Okay, I'll take it to her. And I need to return the pad too." Jim handed it to him, looking at it as if it were an enemy. "Just do me a favor," he asked, "and don't hang around while she reads it. This is embarrassing enough…"

"Oh Jim, she's not gonna…"

"…laugh? Don't bet on it."

"Alright…I won't stay," Nick chuckled. "But then, what if she wants to answer?"

"You wanna be the bearer of her slap?" Jim asked ruefully.

"Okay, well…I'll take this to her and then head on out. I'll see you again tomorrow."

"Thanks Nick."

Down the hall, Nick eased into Catherine's room. "Cath?" She turned toward him, tears in her eyes and trailing down her face. It wrenched Nick's heart to see her so broken. "Hey, you been crying?" he asked as he reached for the tissue box.

"I," she sniffed, "I can't even," more sniffles, "can't wipe my tears…" and she began to cry again.

"That's what I'm here for," he said gently as he began to dab her face.

"The…physical therapist is coming in a few minutes to start my therapy."

"Well, that's good isn't it?"

"I…suppose so but…what if…I can't ….what if the paralysis never goes away?"

"Don't think like that. The doctors said it will but it'll take time. I know this is hard, but…you can't give up, Cath."

"Why not? It's useless and besides, who'll care, really? I'm all alone."

"Wait a minute, I'm here. And Greg…and the others. And Jim's down the hall going crazy because he wants to be here. And there's your Mom and Lindsey. She'll be here tomorrow."

"Yeah, but…Lindsey's all grown; she'll be fine without me. And Mom…and the rest of you…you'll just move on after awhile, like we did with Warrick and after Gil left." More tears trailed down her face.

"Come on…I'm gonna run out of tissues. You have to stop this," he said softly. "Oh, and Jim asked me to bring this to you since they won't let him visit yet." He pulled out the note, unfolded it and put it between her fingers in her hand. She tried to move her hand closer but dropped the note instead. Nick picked it up, positioned her hand closer and then replaced the note. "Okay?" he smiled.

She nodded, fighting back a sniffle. "Okay," he said. "I promised I wouldn't stick around to see your reaction, but I have to say… Jim's hurting down there. If you don't…well, just be…kind to him."

Catherine looked at him perplexed. "Okay," she said bewildered. She watched as Nick left.

Turning her attention to the note, she began to read.

_Hey Sunshine,_

_You are that, you know - my sunshine, every time I lay eyes on you, my world is brighter. _

_I'm sorry that I upset you yesterday. I'm okay, but they are keeping me in my cell awhile. Seems I popped a stitch or two in my anger. But I couldn't help it; you looked so hurt and I didn't want to leave you alone. I was angry with the nurse for making me leave you, angry with myself for not being able to keep this from happening to you, and well…just angry at all of it._

_Here's a wild idea…how about when we get out of here, I take you to dinner? In case you're wondering, yeah, I'm asking the most beautiful woman I know for a date._

_Regardless of your answer, I am here for you and always will be. _

_Jim_

Catherine read and then reread the note several times. _Sunshine? I'm his sunshine…kind of cliché, but still…, _she smiled as his meaning warmed her. _I make his world brighter,_ she smiled tearfully.

_He wants to go out…on a date? Why? He's never…we've always just been friends…why now? He's just…it's just guilt…has to be…_

She heard a knock on her door. Then Phillip, the PT poked his head in. "Ready for a workout?" he asked, smiling.

Catheirne looked up, tears still in her eyes. His face fell and he walked over. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I um…everything," she answered, deflated.

He eyed the piece of paper in her hand. "Bad news?"

"No," she said looking back at the paper. "A note from a friend…"

"Okay, well, suppose I set the note on your table and we get to work?"

Catherine nodded. He pulled Jim's note out of her grasp and with it, she felt Jim's warmth slipping from her. "Okay then, let's work those arms and legs and see if we can't get them to wake up…"

Phillip worked Catherine hard exercising her limbs. He'd then managed to get her into a sitting position on the side of the bed with her feet dangling. "How about we give you some time out of bed and Mille can come change your sheets for you. Fresh sheets would feel pretty good, wouldn't they?"

Catherine nodded. Then an idea struck her. "Out of bed? Like in wheelchair?"

"I was thinking more of the therapy chair in the corner there." Then he looked at her oddly. "You want to see Mr. Brass, don't you?" She smiled and nodded her affirmation.

"I need to get you a chair then. Can you stay here or do I need to let you lie back down?"

"I don't think I can sit for long without help."

He gently eased her back into the bed and hurried out of the door. A few minutes later he returned with a wheelchair. He helped her into it and used a therapy belt to secure her. She was grateful because sitting up straight was difficult. "Okay, you ready?" he asked. She nodded and felt the chair begin to roll.

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You know the drill. Thanks for your continuing support.


	10. Chapter 10

Once again, I do not own Jim Brass. But oh the things I would do with him if I did....

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Jim was staring out of the window when they rolled into his room. "Jim," she said softly.

His head turned so quickly, it made him dizzy. But a huge smile broke on his face. "Catherine!" His eyes feasted on the sight of her in that chair.

"In the flesh," she answered, repeating his words from his visit to her.

His smile settled into his features as he studied her. "You look good."

"You look like you could use a shave," she teased.

He rubbed his hand over his chin. "Yeah, I guess I could." His eyes never left her face, his usual darker shade of blue bright and alive. "I um…wasn't expecting company…" Nervousness was pulsing through him. Had she come to laugh at him in person?

Aware of Phillip behind her, Catherine didn't want to say too much. But after his note, she wanted to talk, needed to get a sense of what his feelings really were. "I …got your note," she smiled.

_She's smiling…good sign? _You did?

"Yes and…we need to talk, I think." Her eyes were gleaming, eager even. Suddenly she felt very shy.

A life time's experience of reading people told him that she hadn't come to laugh at him. Sensing that maybe this was going to be a good visit, Jim reached his hand out towards her. His arm snaked through the openings in the bedrail but he couldn't reach her. He looked at Phillip. "You think you could let me out of jail for a couple of minutes?"

Phillip chuckled and stepped to the bed. Reaching down, he released the lever and lowered the rail. "But you don't get up," he told Jim with a stern voice. Then he stepped behind Catherine and rolled her chair closer until Jim could reach her. He watched as Jim claimed her hand and relaxed. "I'll be just outside, so no funny business," he told Jim.

Jim smiled at Phillip. "Thanks," he said to the PT as he disappeared through the doorway.

Turning his attention towards Catherine, he smiled. "Okay, so …we need to talk…"

"I um, what you said…asked…about dinner," she hesitated.

"Yeah, I meant it. But if you'd rather pass, I understand," he said sincerely.

Tears nestled in her eyes as she looked at him, seeking answers in his blue eyes. "I…don't know what to think…why now?"

Jim shrugged. "Why not now?" He saw confusion and disappointment sweep across her face. "Look, you always have guys around you…circling and…I've never been able to tell which ones were serious and which were just…distractions. A couple of times I thought…but, point is…you never looked in my direction that way. And I was okay with that, even though …look, I guess I'm just tired of hiding how I feel, Catherine. I've wanted to ask you out for a very long time, but I guess I was afraid. But…after everything that happened, I'm guess I'm more afraid of not asking, not trying to see if…if…there could be, I mean if we could…"

"Jim, why didn't you say something?" Genuine surprise was etched in her face.

"Would it have mattered?"

Catherine stared at him, perplexed. "I…don't know. I…have a habit of being attracted to the wrong kind of man. Would I have been open to something with you…I don't know," she answered honestly.

"And now?" his eyes sparkled with hope.

Her eyes opened wide, the full impact of what he was asking astonishing her. "I…I…" her muddled mind couldn't compose a response. Surprisingly, Jim just smiled at her. "Yeah?" he asked.

"Honestly, right now I don't…I can't…"

"You need time," he interjected.

"Yeah," she said relaxing. "There's so much to deal with, so much happening…I can't think straight."

"Okay," he answered lightly. "But while you're sorting things out, I'm still here. And I'm not going to let you forget it."

Catherine chuckled and a slight blush colored her cheeks, much to Jim's delight. "Jim, I…I don't know what to say."

Jim squeezed her hand. "Nothing. You say nothing. Just…keep an open mind, okay?"

She looked at him keenly. "Okay," she answered softly. Her head and her emotions were in a swirl. He was acting like…_but it couldn't be, could it? This couldn't be…_

Jim was grinning but the expression in his eyes was what captured her. There was such tenderness there, so much understanding…so much…hope? _But what is he hoping for? What is it he wants from me?_

That question ran through her mind in various forms for the rest of the day. Catherine knew what she wanted, what she was hoping for…at least what she thought she was hoping for. It was all so confusing. Not once in all the years that she had known him had she thought Jim Brass was interested in her…not like that anyway. He'd been a good friend through some rough times and, as she thought it through, she realized she'd come to depend on that friendship. He had q quiet way of just being there for her when she needed a friend.

And then she remembered when she'd gone out with Doc Robbins, doing him a favor and had been bitten by the rabid woman. Jim had gently chastised her for not calling him to go with. _It was his night off, _she mused. _I never even thought about calling him. But…he was upset._ She turned the conversation over in her mind time and again, looking for clues in his demeanor. But he'd just seemed like his usual self. _But not really…the way he looked at me; the way he looked when he first got there…he was worried. _His parting words, "next time you call me," echoed in her mind. _The way he said it, almost like he was hurt that I hadn't called…hurt and maybe a little scared. _

While Catherine was contemplating Jim, he was making plans. Badgering Joyce, he was finally able to get his hands on a phone book. She scowled at him as she handed it over but he mustered some of his off-handed humor to mollify her. "What, you don't want me calling anybody?" he asked. "Afraid I might call the Army and tell them they can have their Drill Sergeant back?"

She tried to glare him down but broke into a smile instead. "Well, if I'm a DI then you're my favorite recruit," she teased as she turned to walk out of the room.

"Yes Ma'am," he shot back at her before turning his attention to the phone book.

Late that afternoon, Catherine woke to find one, long stemmed red rose on her bed table. Attached was a red ribbon and a card. _Who's sending me red roses? _

Joyce peeked around the corner of her door a few minutes later. "You're awake," she said cheerfully.

"Yeah," Catherine smiled. "And there's this …rose. But I can't pick up the card to read it," she finished with frustration.

Joyce lifted the card and propped it in Catherine's hand. "Seems you have an admirer,"

Catherine was only half paying attention, however as she read the card.

_Ole Blue Eyes said it best…_

_Who knows where the road will lead us  
Only a fool would say,  
But if you let me love you  
I'm sure to love you all the way._

_Jim_

Her eyes filled with tears as she looked from the note to the flower and then back at the note.

"Wow, didn't expect a rose to make you sad," Joyce commented.

"It…no, not sad," Catherine choked out. "Just…" she looked at the flower again and was suddenly filled with bittersweet knowledge. "I looked in the wrong direction for so long and I missed what was right in front of me."

"Jim," Joyce said knowingly.

"Jim," Catherine repeated assuredly.

Picking up the rose Joyce suggested that she find something to put it in with water. "No," Catherine exclaimed. "I…I want to hold it for awhile…"

Carefully, Joyce placed the stem in Catherine's fingers and watched as she struggled to grasp it. "I'll be back in a little while," she told her patient and then she left Catherine to her thoughts.

"I was just in checking on your friend," Joyce told Jim as she entered his room. "Now it's time to give you a once over…"

Jim turned alert eyes on the nurse; eyes that questioned her without words.

"Oh, she's fine. She really liked the rose you had delivered. Although, I can't imagine what it must have cost for just one rose."

"She's worth it," Jim said happily. "Besides, it's part of a bigger order…"

Joyce's eyebrow shot up as she was checking his IV line. "You ordered more?"

"Yes…enough to last a few days."

Joyce gave him an appraising look. "You're really into this…"

Smiling like a Cheshire cat, Jim simply nodded. Then after a moment, he asked bashfully, "she really liked it?"

"Oh yeah…and whatever was written on the card….well, it got her."

Jim settled back into his pillows, grinning. "Good," he said softly. "Good."

Late that night, the entire hall was awakened by Catherine's screams. The night nurse, Maria, was in her room by the time Jim had managed to crawl out of his bed and scoot to her room, pulling his IV pole with him. "Catherine," he called breathlessly as he made it to her room.

"It's alright, Mr. Brass. She was just having a bad dream," Maria told him. "You need to get back to your bed."

Catherine was shaking, he could see from across the room. Shuffling closer, he also saw the tears in her eyes. "Catherine?"

It gripped his heart to see the fear in her eyes when she lifted them to him. "Jim…I …we were back in that house…they were…they…you were …dead, I thought…and they were…"

Making his way to her bed, he grabbed her hand. "It's okay; you're safe. It's okay." His panic was subsiding to be replaced by anguish. She was reliving it all in her dreams.

"Jim," she said hopelessly. "They…they…." A sob escaped. "They …hurt me."

Jim fumbled with the bed rail until it lowered all the way, amidst Maria's objection. He simply glared at her and then sat on the edge of her bed. "I know, honey. I'm sorry."

"They…oh Jim," she cried.

He leaned towards her and used his good arm to pull her close to him, hugging her gingerly, since they both were still sore. Maria complained again. Jim turned to her and snarled. "Leave us. She'll be fine in a few minutes."

"But…you aren't supposed…"

"I'm here and I'm not leaving until she's okay," he said firmly.

Maria backed out of the room, mumbling. Jim turned back to Catherine. "I've got you….and we're …safe," he told her, not really feeling that he could keep that promise. But he knew she needed to hear it.

She was like a limp rag, unable to hold herself close to him. Jim couldn't hold her long, his own strength in question. But he continued to sit and stroke her face and hair as she settled back into her pillows. Tears slowly continued to trickle down her cheeks and it was heartbreaking to see her so broken. They said nothing, simply sharing their grief, understanding the horror that no one else could.

Finally, she stopped shaking. Tears still made their way down her face but they were slowing. Jim continued to caress her, his thumb gently tracing the lines of her cheek and jaw. "You're safe," he told her over and over. "No one's going to hurt you." For the next few minutes, it was his mantra until her eyes slowly lifted to his and though she was still frightened, he could see her strength returning.

There was a flicker in her expression and then she turned her head to the rose that Joyce had finally put into water, after convincing Catherine to let it go. Jim saw where her eyes went and a small smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "You liked it?"

She turned back to him and nodded, almost imperceptibly. "I liked the card too," she said, her face taking on a glow that hadn't been there before.

Taking a deep breath, Jim decided to say what he was feeling. "Catherine, let me love you. I know that you aren't ready for…that you have to heal, but…in the meantime, let me hold you and take care of you. Please, just let me love you."

"But…you have to heal too. And…it wouldn't be fair. We don't know how long…if ever, before I'm…me again."

Rubbing his thumb along her cheek, just under her eyes, he smiled tenderly. "You're still you. They didn't take that away from you…or me, for that matter. As for the rest, I can be patient until you're done with the hospital and the therapy and…everything. I just need to be near you. I …can't walk away, Catherine. You know how I feel now and…I guess now that the cat is out of the bag, I can't ignore it. So please, just let me love you. That's all I ask. I know you aren't ready for…anything. And I'm not asking for any kind of commitment."

Her eyes grew wide. Then new tears began to roll down her face. "Hold me, Jim. Please, just hold me."

He scooted further onto the bed and scooped her closer to him, into his chest. "As long as you need, baby…as long as you need me to."

Nurse Maria returned a few minutes later to find Jim stretched out on the bed, next to Catherine. She was gathered in the crook of his arm, sleeping but Jim was wide awake. As Maria's eyes met his, she decided that she would leave him where he was. His expression warned her against interfering.

* * *

__

Words for the note from the song "All The Way" Frank Sinatra

I was told that I was cruel for leaving you with a cliffy. I hope this was more to everyone's liking...


	11. Chapter 11

So sorry about the long delay. My uncle succumbed to cancer after a long battle with it. My Aunt's reaction was to have a heart attack and my cousins had more on their plates than they could handle between the ICU visits and making arrangements for a funeral that we were trying to hold until she could attend. Anyway, long story to short...I was there trying to help however I could. Thankfully, she is doing much better and was even able to attend the funeral. They had been married over 50 years, so this was obviously quite a blow. I'm back home now and once things settle down, can turn some of my attention back to our favorite cop and CSI. I had this chapter almost ready to go and quickly shaped it up, thinking I'd go ahead and post. But it might be a few days before I can post again. I truly appreciate your patience. I know how frustrated I get when I'm in the middle of a story I am enjoying and the author disappears. Hopefully, this will satisfy until I can get more typed. Thank you.

* * *

The sound of laughter woke them from their sleep. It immediately registered with Jim that there was daylight outside, so it was morning. Two figures stood at the end of the bed, Nurse Lupe and Jim's doctor. He was grinning at Jim, exasperated.

"You're a stubborn man," the doctor chuckled.

Jim glanced at Catherine, who was still snug between his arm and his body. He couldn't see her face and had no idea what she was thinking, but she wasn't moving away either. Then Jim looked back at his doctor, unrepentant.

"We need to check your stitches, Jim. And then someone will be along to take you to your new room."

_New room? Where were they taking me? Not away from Catherine…they're in for a fight if they try…_

As if reading his thoughts, the doctor put his hand up to stop Jim's impending protest. "Ms. Willows is getting a new room too," he chuckled.

Jim's brow furrowed and he opened his mouth to argue but the doc beat him to the draw. "Doctor's orders…yours and hers." Jim took a deep breath and mentally prepared for battle.

Lupe moved closer and pulled the covers back carefully. Then she lifted his hospital gown just enough to get to his bandage. Jim grimaced and then glanced back at Catherine. Her head had shifted and he could see that she was watching Lupe's actions.

Catherine had slept better since Jim climbed into the bed with her than she had since the attack. She'd felt safe and warm. The sound of his steady heartbeat was soothing and his gentle stokes calmed her. And now they were being moved to other rooms. She felt Jim tense when they had received the news. I made her tense as well. His presence gave her peace. Now they were taking that away.

She watched as Lupe pulled the gauze away from his wound. She didn't have a clear line of sight, but from what she could see, it was an ugly wound, jagged and angry. It had been stitched and she was sure that they had done the best that they could but the knife had done a lot of damage. Redness surrounded it and Catherine couldn't tell if it was because the area had been so aggravated to begin with or if infection was spreading. Glancing at Lupe's expression as she stepped back for the doctor to see, Catherine surmised that it was the latter.

The doctor sighed and then looked at Jim. "I'm afraid you're going to make another stop before you get to your new room. We're going to have to open that up and drain it."

Jim clenched his jaw, unhappy with the news. "It's that bad? Drugs aren't helping?"

"They've probably kept it form being worse, but we need to get this under control. You'll have a small tube inserted to drain the infection off. We'll leave it in for a few days until we are certain that the infection has cleared up. I'm going to change the antibiotics and maybe, if you behave yourself we can clear this up."

Jim felt the shudder that ran through Catherine as he asked the doctor, "How bad could this get?"

"If we can't clear it up, the infection will spread, get into your organs, and well…death would be the end result."

Jim tightened his arm around Catherine as she began to shake. "Well then, I guess we better do it."

While Jim was in surgery, Lupe came to give Catherine a sponge bath. It felt good but she wished she could shower. She still could feel those men on her…in her and she felt dirty. She wanted to wash it away. She wanted to feel clean again and briefly wondered if she ever would. Jim had made his feelings clear and he deserved that. He didn't deserve the filthy, broken woman that she had become.

A little later, Phillip came to do her exercises. She still couldn't move her limbs on her own but she thought the workouts were helping. She thought that maybe she was able to help him move her legs. She said so to Phillip and he smiled. "I can feel the muscles beginning to tighten. A few more days and maybe you'll be able to see some progress."

That made Catherine smile.

She dozed after Phillip left. His workout had left her tired. But her sleep was uneasy, as she subconsciously worried about Jim. She was awakened by a soft voice. "Mom…"

Her eyes fluttered and opened. Happiness flowed through her as she saw her daughter standing next to her. "Lindsey," she almost squealed.

Lindsey bent and hugged her mother, hiding the tears that were threatening. "Gosh Mom, you look…"

"Awful," Catherine said to help her. "I know. They…um…worked me over pretty good. But I'm getting better each day," she finished, trying to sound positive. She didn't want to tell Lindsey how truly broken she was.

"I would have been here sooner but Nick said…"

"I know, Honey. I asked him to tell you to wait. I…I needed a few days to…regroup."

Lindsey looked at her worriedly. "Grams said you were having a hard time."

"I was…and sometimes still am. But like I said, it gets better each day. My muscles in my arms and legs are starting to respond to the therapy and…I don't hurt so much."

"That's great news! Then, you'll get back to normal?"

Briefly, Catherine wondered if she knew what normal was and if she would ever be what she used to consider normal. But she didn't let Lindsey see her doubt. "Yeah, it'll take some time, but…yeah."

"Nick said that you were with Captain Brass when it happened. He couldn't stop them, help you?"

"No Honey, he…they beat him horribly and then stabbed him. He tried, killed one of them and severely wounded another but in the end…"

"So…he's okay now, right?"

Catherine frowned fighting the fear that had been with her since they had taken him away. "He's in surgery. An infection has developed in the stab wound."

"Oh," Lindsey said, her face falling. "I'm sorry. I know he's your friend…"

"Yeah, a very good one," Catherine said, her mind conjuring images of him on the operating table.

Lindsey looked around the room and spotted the rose. "So, where's Tony?"

Her question jerked Catherine out of her musings. "Tony?"

"Yeah, after the way you two were behaving during the holidays, I would have expected to find him here, doting over you."

"Behaving?"

"If it had been me with some guy you would have thought that it was misbehaving," Lindsey said lightly.

"Oh. Well, Tony hasn't been here…" Catherine hadn't really considered that Tony was missing in all of this. "I…don't know where he is. But, it's okay. We weren't really all that serious anyway."

Lindsey rolled her eyes. "Not serious? Come on, Mom…you two were all over each other."

"Yeah. Well, he helped me get through Gil leaving. But, I knew it wouldn't last." It was bothering her now though, that he'd just disappeared. _Bastard could've at least come by and asked how I was doing. _But as she examined her feelings, she realized it was her pride that was hurt. She liked Tony and they had flirted for years, but she didn't have any strong feelings for him. How many other relationships had she hidden in over the years? How many other serious ones had she missed because she had hidden? Is that why Gil never…. _It doesn't matter, Gil is a closed chapter. Right now, I need to figure out Jim. Am I hiding again or is this real?_

"Mom?"

Lindsey's voice startled her out of her thoughts. "Yeah?"

"You were far away. What were you thinking about? You looked…somber."

"Oh, not much really. Just wondering why Tony hasn't been by. But it doesn't matter. I don't think it would have lasted much longer anyway." She watched as Lindsey digested her comment and then decided to change the subject. "So how are your classes?"

"Fine. This semester is easier. I guess I kind of know what I'm doing now…know my way through it better." And then she began to ramble about her classes, her new friends, and life at college.

Catherine only half listened. She was thinking about Jim again. Why was the surgery taking so long?

Eventually Lindsey headed to the cafeteria to get a bite to eat. Catherine sighed and then openly began to fret. She wished she could get up, do something…anything to let go of some of her anxiousness. Before, she'd been concerned. Now she was seriously worried.

A few minutes later Lupe showed up with an orderly. "Ms. Willows, we've come to move you to your new room."

Catherine's eyes widened. "So you were serious this morning?"

"Yes," the young woman smiled as she busied herself with gathering the few things Catherine had in the room.

"But wait….what about Jim? Have you heard anything?"

"Yes actually, I just got a call from the Recovery Room. He was brought in there about ten minutes ago and is resting. Everything went well and he should be back up here in a couple of hours."

Catherine sighed with relief. As she began to relax, she realized how tense she had been since Jim had been wheeled away. Her muscles ached from the tension. Briefly she was buoyed by the thought that her muscles were responsive enough to ache.

Lupe set her things on the foot of the bed and the young man that was with her began to unlock the wheels on the bed. Catherine cringed as he moved to the head of the bed, closer to her. The only men that had been near her since the attack were Jim, Nick, Greg, and a couple of doctors. Something about this man made her uneasy, although she couldn't explain why. Consequently, she sat frozen in her bed as she was wheeled to her new room.

Catherine was surprised when they put her in a double room. She wasn't sure why they did that but she knew she didn't want to share the room and it was obviously occupied. Someone's things were on the table. Briefly, she wondered where the other person was. _Maybe getting some tests or something…_ Before Lupe left Catherine asked, "Why in here and who's in the other bed?"

Lupe smiled. "Oh, I think you'll like 'em. Your doctor didn't want you to be alone." Then she left. Catherine let out a deep breath as she contemplated the new arrangement. This wasn't helping, she thought. She lay in her bed, fretting for a long time until Lindsey came back. "Mom, why did they move you in here?" she asked.

"I don't know," Catherine answered at a complete loss.

Lindsey pushed the button to call the nurse. She was going to get answers. Her mom should have her own room, she thought.

Lupe reappeared a few minutes later. "Yes, is there something you need?

Lindsey huffed. "Why was my mother moved to this room?"

"Doctor's orders. Your mother was having nightmares and her doctor thought she might sleep better with someone else in the room."

"Well, she won't," Lindsey pouted. "You need to get that doctor on the phone and tell her that my mom needs her own room…"

"Just then the young man that brought Catherine to the room backed into the room, pulling a gurney. Catherine spotted another aide at the foot of the bed. They wheeled the bed in and Catherine's eyes widened with surprise. "Lindsey, it's okay," she told her daughter quickly.

Lindsey looked at her mother in shock. "But Mom…it's a man…"

"It's Jim," she said, all smiles.

Jim was obviously still very groggy but when he heard Catherine's voice, he turned his head in her direction. He raised his hand to wave at her but it was a feeble wave. "Hey bootuful," he mumbled, looking like a happy drunk.

Catherine giggled. "Hey yourself."

"They putting me in your bed," he asked sleepily.

"No, you have to stay in your bed," she answered, her eyes dancing.

Watching them, Lupe thought Ms. Willows looked happier than she'd been since she was checked in. Maybe this was going to work, she mused.

Lindsey was dumbstruck. "You can't put a man in here," she told Lupe. "This is…it's…it…ugh!"

"Lindsey, it really is okay," Catherine insisted. "They are right. I will sleep better with Jim here."

Lindsey rolled her eyes. "Oh Mom," she said annoyed. "He…he's …he's a man…it isn't right."

"Honey, none of this is right. But Jim…he…I just feel better when he is near me. And right now, I need that."

Lindsey looked over at Jim, scowling. Jim grinned cheekily and waved at her. "Hey, Insey. Istin to ur mom…" he slurred.

Lindsey threw up her hands in surrender and stormed out of the room.

Jim rolled his head to look at Catherine and winked. "Hey bootuful…" Then he snickered, sending Catherine into another fit of giggles.


	12. Chapter 12

Jim slept most of the afternoon, still feeling the effects of the anesthesia. Catherine dozed for awhile as well. She woke when there was a soft knock at her door and a young man entered the room carrying a vase of roses. "Ms. Willows?"

Catherine eyed the flowers and then him. "Yes?"

"Then these are for you," he told her as he stepped closer. He cleared a small space on her bed table and set the vase down. "Have a nice day," and he was gone.

Catherine eyed the flowers. There was a card but of course, she couldn't reach it. However, she knew who they were from. Turning her attention from the roses to the man asleep in the next bed, quiet happiness engulfed her. _Jim's a closet romantic…_ She watched him sleep, thinking that even at his age, she had seen something of the boy he must have been when he came back from surgery. He'd been carefree and happy, silly even. Her mouth twitched as she contemplated the lifetime of disappointments that had colored his outlook. And yet, he hadn't given up. He wasn't angry or bitter like so many others that she'd seen over the years. And now, he was looking for love…with her.

Catherine sighed, wondering if she would be the last straw for him. Would she be the hurt that was one too many? She didn't want to be. As she contemplated Jim's feelings for her, ones that he was making quite clear, an awareness grew within her. Despite her fears, especially fear of intimacy, she wanted this…this thing with Jim to grow. But she didn't want anything to happen until she knew that she would heal. She wasn't going to trap Jim into something that he might regret later. If she let him commit, she knew he'd never let go, whether he was happy or not. And the last thing she wanted was for him to be unhappy. Rolling her head to the side, she stared out of the window, still thinking, still examining her feelings.

Jim woke and once he had oriented himself, he looked across at the other bed, a faint smile claiming the corner of his mouth as he realized it was Catherine. She was looking out of the window and he wondered what she was thinking. Then he spotted the roses. Silently, he hoped they were the flowers he had ordered. Someone else might have sent her flowers…maybe Vartann trying to apologize for being an ass. It was a beautiful arrangement and a perfect mix of colors for Catherine, but he thought is was more than what he had ordered. Maybe it was from someone else. Jim's heart sank.

He heard her take a deep breath and his eyes flashed back to her head, willing her to look at him. Finally, as if she sensed his stare, she turned her head and their eyes met. There was something there, something he couldn't quite comprehend, but he knew it was good. The way she was looking at him was very good. "Hey," he said softly.

"You're awake," she commented with a lilt in her voice.

"Yeah…I um…kind of think I remember…being kind of…"

"Silly," she smiled.

"I was going to say out of it…"

"Well, yeah…but you were silly too…in a good sort of way." Then her eyes flicked to the flowers. "You sent me flowers?"

Jim grimaced. "I did, but…I don't think…"

"They're beautiful…my favorite colors."

"Yeah…they're perfect for you, but…"

"It was really sweet, Jim," she continued.

"Yeah they are and I…"

"Wow, you really have been paying attention. I didn't think you had been so observant."

Jim shrugged and gave in. "Yeah, well…it is what I do. Well, at least a part of it." Jim just wished he could know for certain if he was responsible for the sparkle in her eyes as she looked at the flowers. His gut told him he wasn't.

"Jim, I've been thinking and…when I get out of here…get my feet under me, I …well, I accept your dinner invitation."

Jim's face lit with a rare full smile. "Yeah? Okay…that's…that's great," he beamed. "Dinner…" he liked the sound of that.

Later, a nurse's aide came in to check on them and Catherine asked about the card. Jim cringed as Catherine asked the aide to retrieve the card. As she put it into Catherine's hand, Jim sank lower in his bed. Grimacing, he waited to hear her reaction.

A chuckle emanated from the other side of the room. Jim chanced a glance and saw that Catherine was indeed, laughing. Her blue eyes met his as she began to speak. "Good luck for a speedy recovery. Hodges" Her expression relieved Jim somewhat. She didn't look angry. He shrugged. "I tried to tell you…" but was interrupted by a knock at the door. Another flower delivery person walked in with another arrangement, smaller and colorful. Catherine started laughing again. This time, she asked for the card immediately. After the delivery person left, she chuckled again as she read the card.

"Even though I'm in the Autumn of my life, you make me feel like Spring.

Jim"

She looked at the arrangement and grinned. "A Spring bouquet, how appropriate," she exclaimed through her amusement.

"Yeah, kind of corny, I know," Jim replied. "But it is how you make me feel." He was rewarded with a room brightening smile.

The next day Phillip came to work with both Jim and Catherine. Jim couldn't get up yet, so Phillip worked his legs and arms to keep his circulation good. Then he moved to Catherine. Jim winced as Phillip began to move her legs. She was supposed to push against Phillip's hand but Jim couldn't tell that anything was happening. Suddenly, Phillip smiled. "You feel it?" he asked Catherine.

"Um..I think so," she said, glowing. "I was pushing, wasn't I?"

"Yes, you were. Now how about a few minutes in the chair…looking at life upright?"

Catherine nodded and Phillip helped her into the therapy chair. Jim watched in agony as Phillip moved her around like a rag doll, her limbs still virtually useless. Once she was settled, Jim relaxed. Sitting up seemed to be giving her an emotional boost. Her eyes looked brighter somehow, less haunted. Still, he watched her closely for signs of fatigue. Sometimes therapists had a way of wandering away and leaving the patient in the chair for too long. He had learned that when he was recovering from his gunshot wound a few years ago. Jim didn't want Catherine overdoing it and maybe falling out of the chair or something.

"You're staring," Catherine said in a light but accusing tone.

"Hey, I _am_ a guy and you _are_ the most beautiful woman in the room…" he teased.

"I'm the only woman in the room…"

"Semantics, you are the most beautiful woman in any room," he insisted.

"Jim…"

"Hey, just telling you what I'm thinking…"

"Yeah.... Look, I've been thinking and…" she hesitated.

Jim watched her face closely for clues as fear covered him like a cloud. She was going to back out, he was sure.

"I um…well, when Lindsey asked me about Tony…"

"Vartann's an ass…" Jim growled.

"Well, maybe…although I think he knew that my heart was never in it. And that's kind of what has me thinking. I mean, I kind of used him to hide from my feelings after Gil left…"

"You telling me you're still in love with Gil?"

"Uh…not exactly. I…suppose a part of me will always…but…no, it's just I don't want to use you like I used Tony. I don't want to pretend that there's something between us just to hide from my fears…"

"You saying there's no chance?" Jim's heart was in his stomach.

"No…I …I don't know what I feel right now, except scared. And I don't want you to get hurt by me being all mixed up."

Jim's eyebrows raised an inch and then he tilted his head, his eyebrows suddenly narrowing and furrowing as he digested her statement. "What are you afraid of, Catherine?"

"Right now…Everything," she answered sadly.

"Not me?" He was anxious, surprised by her confession.

"No, not you. But I am afraid of hurting you."

Jim sighed. "Look, I'm a big boy. I know what I am opening myself up for here. And I'm willing to take the risk. I'm more afraid of keeping my feelings to myself and never giving us a chance than I am of being hurt. I've spent a good portion of my life looking in the mirror and wondering 'what if.' I don't want to get to the end and have to look and that mirror and realize I never even tried, especially where you are concerned. Loving you has been good for me. And loving you openly will be better. And if in all of this craziness, you decide you might have something for me, then…hell, it can't get much better than that."

"But I don't think I could stand losing our friendship. It seems I've lost so much in the last year or so…"

"You won't lose me. We'll always be friends."

I dunno. I've seen it too many times where friends step over the line and then they can't get back."

Jin huffed and then swiped his face with his hand. "Look, I don't have that many friends…not real ones. You think I'm gonna lose one of the best ones I got because I let my emotions run away? I love you Catherine and I want to see where that can go, but if friendship is all there is, then…that's it; I'll be the best damned friend you could ask for." He paused to catch his breath and watched as a tear trickled down her face. _Geez…I'm making it worse. She isn't ready for this…_"Honey, look…I don't mean to pressure you. If you want me to back off, I will. Just…" he sighed, "just don't…don't back away for the wrong reasons, okay? I mean, if you really don't think there's anything there…then okay. But…don't give up on us because of fear." He looked at her searchingly, trying to gauge her reaction and understand what she might be thinking.

Her face was a study of concentration as she tried to pull her thoughts and feelings together. "Jim…" she cried pitifully, "I'm…dirty. They…what they did…you deserve better than what I am now…you deserve…clean."

Suddenly he understood what was really beneath all of her uncertainty. "Hey…Honey…Listen to me. What they did…that isn't you. You…god you are…oh geez, you're the most genuine woman I know. You're not dirty; it's just that they touched you with their filth and it's gonna take some time to get it out of your system. And as for what I deserve…well, I'm not exactly pure, you know. If anyone deserves better in this, it's you."

Her tear filled blue eyes met his and immediately all of her emotions overflowed. "Jim…" she cried again.

Jim wanted to climb out of his bed, to hold her and comfort her, but there were too many wires and tubes. So he settled for pushing his call button instead. "Catherine, oh geez…honey…oh geez, please don't cry…oh please, I didn't mean to get you so upset. Please Honey, I'll do whatever you want me to do…just please don't cry…"

Joyce appeared in the doorway. "What's wrong?" She asked as soon as she saw Catherine's state. Crossing the room, she grabbed a box of tissues and began to dab at Catherine's face, drying her tears. "What? Is Jim being difficult?" She glanced back over her shoulder to be certain that he was staying put. He looked miserable.

"No…he…he…I'm not…good enough and he won't see it."

"I'll tell you what I see," Joyce told her. "I see two people that love each other so much they don't know what's good for them. He's nuts about you and had driven us all crazy trying to be with you. And you are so in love with him that you can't think straight. You've been through hell and I don't blame you for being mixed up but it doesn't matter if you think you are good enough for him or not, neither of you is going to be happy without the other."

"But," Catherine began.

"But nothing…the two of you have turned this floor upside down trying to get together. And the only time you've had any rest is when he's with you. It is the only time you feel anything close to normal…or safe. Like or not, you two are stuck on each other." She straightened up and folded her arms authoritatively.

Catherine just stared at her, dumbfounded. Joyce dabbed Catherine's tears a few more times and then sauntered out of the room, winking at Jim on her way out.

Jim watched Catherine carefully, trying to decide if he should say anything or not. Finally, he decided he had said enough. He would wait until she processed it all.

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Thanks so much for your patience. I'll try to type a little faster. But you know what inspires me to go faster, lol...


	13. Chapter 13

We all know what a teddy bear Jim brass is. Hope you enjoy this one...

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"_Baby let me be, _

_your lovin' Teddy Bear_

_Put a chain around my neck, _

_and lead me anywhere_

_Oh let me be _

_Your teddy bear_."

Jim squirmed as the song played once again from the stuffed bear that Catherine was holding. He'd thought it was a good idea when he talked to the woman at the flower shop the other day. But now, he wasn't so sure. She played the damn thing over and over until Jim was getting sick of Elvis's voice emanating from the damned thing. The one bright spot was that she was actually able to push the little button on the bear's toe to make the thing sing. The first time she'd played it, he'd watched as she focused all of her concentration to push the button. Then he'd delighted in her squeal of pleasure as the obnoxious little creature wiggled and sang. But after hearing it over and over for the last couple of hours, he wanted to toss it out the window. A quick glance at her face activated his conscience. She beamed, excited by the sentiment and even more by her ability to control the thing.

After her breakdown a couple of days ago, Jim had considered cancelling his order with the flower shop. In the end he decided to let the deliveries continue. But he backed off otherwise, letting Catherine get used to the idea that he was in love with her. Now that he was openly admitting his feelings, he needed some to time to adjust as well. So they had talked about just about anything but their personal feelings.

He would get quiet each day as a new delivery was made and simply watch her reaction. She seemed to be receiving his gifts well, smiling and thanking him. He would accept her thanks quietly and then pretend to sleep or watch TV while she perused the latest delivery.

Today, the timing had been perfect. Yesterday she couldn't have activated it. But this morning she had awakened with new sensations in her limbs and quickly discovered that with some effort and concentration, she could move her arms and actually get them to do what she wanted. Her motions were jerky and barely controlled, but she was moving on her own for the first time in a week. Seeing her gleefully exercise her limbs was thrilling. The damned bear brought added incentive to keep up the exercise, but now Jim was getting tired of the song. He silently wished for the battery to die.

There was a soft knock at the door and Lindsey poked her head into the room. She'd visited several times since she'd arrived three days ago and she still looked at Jim with disdain whenever she entered the room. His presence in her mother's room was irritating to her, but Catherine had refused to give in to her daughter's pleas for her mother to ask for a private room. Jim knew he would need to have Lindsey's approval if there was a chance with her mother, but he was feeling pretty snarky about now, so he shot her a cheeky grin. Satisfaction washed over him as he caught her responding glare. Thankfully Catherine didn't catch any of it.

Jim pretended to be interested on whatever was on the TV. but his attention was on Catherine as she showed the bear to Lindsey. He smiled inwardly as she demonstrated her ability to set the thing off. Lindsey rolled her eyes and groaned, which had Jim laughing silently.

"Really Mom," Lindsey chided her mother, "it's so lame…"

Catherine looked at her daughter incredulously. "I think it's cute," she purred. Jim smirked.

"Oh geez," Lindsey whined. "You aren't falling for him are you?"

Catherine glanced over at Jim, who was staring at the TV, fighting the urge to look at her. She smiled warmly and then turned back to her daughter. "I'm not sure what I'm feeling. But, would it be so bad if I did?"

Lindsey huffed. "He's…he's…old. And…he's…well, he's not like any of the other guys you've dated. What makes him so special?"

Leveling her gaze at her daughter, Catherine spoke softly, but firmly. "He's not like any of the other guys I've dated." She paused and then finished. "And he's only about ten years older than me, kiddo. Your mom is getting older, you know."

"Yeah, but not _that_ old…"

"Hey, I might be old but I'm not deaf," Jim growled.

"You were _listening_?" Lindsey glared at him angrily.

"I was watching TV but you are in the same room. I tried to ignore your comments, but I thought I should say something before you bury me."

"Augh…" Lindsey huffed.

"Honey, why don't you like Jim? He hasn't done anything to hurt you," Catherine commented.

"Yeah," Jim pouted. "Why don't you like me?"

"He…he's….oh, I don't know," she sighed.

"I'm really a nice guy, once you get to know me," he smirked.

"You're obnoxious," Lindsey smirked back.

"Oh really," he mustered his best innocent look "…I wasn't trying to be."

Lindsey's eyes narrowed. "You mean, you could get worse?" Jim smiled ingenuously but remained quiet. _Probably shouldn't aggravate her any further, _he thought as he glanced at her mother. Catherine was frowning.

Then Catherine surprised him when she looked at her daughter and asked, "Why don't you want me to be happy?"

Lindsey was shocked by her mother's blunt question. "I…I….it's not…I do want you to be happy. But…does it have to be with _him_? I liked Tony," she pouted.

"I liked Tony too, Lins. But …that was all it was. I kind of hid from my feelings about…about other things by trying to make more of my feelings for Tony than I actually felt. It was unfair to him and well, I was being dishonest with myself."

"So, you weren't in love with Tony? So what were you hiding from?"

Catherine pondered her question before answering. "The last year and a half, I suppose. So much happened in such a short time…Warwick and then Gil left and I became Supervisor and the transition was more difficult than I thought it would be…and you were going off to school… It was just so much to deal with."

Jim noted that Catherine had not told Lindsey about being in love with Gil. It seemed odd to him. She had, after all, loved the man for years. Jim knew all along but had never said anything to either of them. Gil was clueless about Catherine's feelings. Jim suspected that the scientist was clueless about his own feelings regarding the feisty red head. He had relied on her for so long that it just never seemed to occur to him that she was much more than a friend. It had surprised Jim somewhat when he realized that Grissom had paired up with Sara. They were suited for each other and the detective supposed that their similarities were what gave Gil the courage to act. Admitting his love for Catherine, Jim thought, would intimidate the reticent investigator. _His oblivion is my advantage…if he'd ever made a move, I would be seriously out in the cold. _

"I know Mom, "Lindsey was saying to her mother in a gentler tone. "I'm sorry I left with so much going on…"

"Honey, you did what you were supposed to do. You going to college is a good thing. I just…well, it was just one more adjustment and there was so much else gong on. But I want you to enjoy college. I know you've heard me say it before but I don't think you truly understand what a victory this is for me. I…didn't have an opportunity like that. You getting this chance…it, well…it's like a payoff for all my hard work. I want you to go off to college and learn new things and meet new people and…dream of a life that was beyond anything I ever could imagine."

Jim listened intently, trying not to be obvious as he watched for Lindsey's reaction. "Yeah, you told me that the night before I left. And…I get it. But I thought…I mean, the job got easier, didn't it?"

"Yeah, it did eventually. And, although I still miss Warwick…and Gil, I don't dwell on it so much. Tony helped with that. But…I'm not in love with him."

"So…you're not in love with Tony," Lindsey conceded. "But do you have to be in love with _him_?"

Catherine chuckled. "I don't know that I am. I do love Jim as a friend. Is there more? I don't know. Everything is just so confusing right now. But I want to find out, honey. I'm not jumping into this just because Tony isn't around. This isn't a rebound thing, if that's what worries you. Jim and I…we are alike in a lot of ways…he understands things about me that others don't. It's nice to have that understanding."

"So keep his friendship…but…he's…ugh, he's…."

"What Lindsey? Why don't you like him?"

"I remember when he was your boss. He…he was so nasty to you."

Jim groaned inwardly. He had been an ass when he was at CSI. He'd been put there to get him off the streets after a shooting incident. He hadn't wanted the transfer and never felt quite comfortable leading the geek squad, even though eventually they became some of his best friends. In the long run, it had been good for him and his career, but yeah…he'd been an ass when he was there. Catherine was in a bad place with her marriage back then and he hadn't exactly been sympathetic. He was still too sore from his own break up to have much sympathy for hers. Lindsey's accusation wasn't off base.

Catherine glanced over at him and saw that he was remembering. Seeing his pensive expression, she smiled empathetically. "Yeah," she answered Lindsey, "he was a bear to work for. But I always knew that under that cantankerous demeanor was a real softy. Sometimes he was too cute with the curmudgeon routine," she said as she looked fondly in his direction.

Jim melted. The look she was giving him spoke more than any words could ever express. He wanted to say something but he was at a loss for words. Besides, he didn't think his voice would work. God, he loved her so much…

Lindsey glanced at him and then back at her mother. Slowly, reality settled in. No matter how much she protested, there was something about this guy that her mother was drawn to. And the way he was looking at her, tears sitting in his eyes as he did, it was…well, would it be so bad if her mother had that kind of love in her life, even if it was from him? "Okay, whatever," she grumbled.

Catherine looked at her daughter searchingly. "Honey, it really will be fine. I will be fine. No one is rushing into anything but…after everything that's happened, I'm not taking anything for granted either."

"Yeah…I um…well; I'm all grown now anyway. What you do…it's your business. You shouldn't have to worry about me anymore."

"Honey, you're my kid. I'll always worry about you." Jim nodded in agreement, thinking of his Ellie.

A few hours later Jim's doctor stopped in to check his wound. "Hmmm, it looks much better. We haven't had any drainage for twenty four hours…I'm going to run a blood test and if everything comes back good, how would you like to lose that tube?"

Jim nodded eagerly. "Then I can get up…start to move around?"

His doctor chuckled as he glanced across the room at Catherine. "Yeah, you'll be able to move around."

Later, the tube was removed and Jim's side was restitched and bandaged. He was under strict orders to stay in his bed until the next day.

That night Catherine had another nightmare. Since she was able to move now, she began thrashing in her bed, fighting off her attackers in her dream. Jim woke to her cries and was immediately at her side, pushing the call button for the nurse as he tried to calm Catherine. She woke with a start and grabbed Jim's arm in fear.

"Catherine, it's me…it's Jim," he said soothingly. "You're safe."

She blinked and brought her eyes to focus on him. "Jim…I..it seemed so real…they were…" She began to cry.

He moved his hand to her face, gently stroking her cheek. "I know, honey….I know…but you're okay now. You're safe."

She clinched his hand and nuzzled her face into his hand. "No, I'm not…but, you make me feel better…"

"What's going on?" an angry voice growled from the doorway. Jim turned to see Nurse Hannah glaring at him. "She was having a nightmare…"

"And you aren't supposed to be out of bed!"

"But…"

"Back," she directed as she pointed at his bed. "I'll take care of Ms. Willows."

Jim shuffled back to his bed slowly, eyeing the evil nurse and then glancing back at Catherine. Her blue eyes were wide and firmly fixed on him as if she were afraid he would disappear. Jim edged up on his bed and sat with his feet dangling, watching the nurse as she tended to Catherine.

Once Catherine had calmed down and Nurse Hannah had left, Jim eased back out of his bed and went to Catherine. "You okay?" he asked.

Catherine smile uncertainly. "I think so…but thanks."

Jim eyed her bed and then glanced back at the door. His mind went into overdrive as he considered his options. Then turning back to Catherine, he winked. "You got room in that bed for me?"

Catherine grinned and nodded. She scooted over a little and Jim slid in. Then taking her in his good arm, he pulled her close. "Now I'm okay," she said softly as she snuggled closer. Within minutes they were both asleep.

* * *

Jm is being kind of single minded, isn't he? All he wants to do is get into bed with Catherine, lol.

Let me know what you think. More angst? Problems with Lindsey? Does Gil come back and complicate things? Hmmmm...... You know how to make it happen:-)


	14. Chapter 14

I love the way great minds work alike. I was busy working on this chpater when your reviews started asking about the other attacker, lol. I was expecting all kinds of different thoughts on where it should go next but the most prevalant question was about Kava. That helps me though, because then I know I'm on the right track with the writing. Thanks to all who responded. I hope you continue to enjoy the direction this is taking. Its funny sometimes how a story can just start to write itself once you get the baseline established.

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Two days later, Jim was released from the hospital. It should have been good news but he was angry. It meant leaving Catherine there alone. He knew she would have nightmares and he wouldn't be there to help. He groused and growled all morning, much to Catherine's amusement.

Nick offered to drive him home and he accepted. Once inside his house, he let out a deep breath. Looking around, he suddenly realized how empty his house seemed, how lonely his life was. Resigned to the situation, he headed to his bedroom, where he settled on his bed for a nap, exhausted. The aide that had been ordered by his doctor decided to show up about an hour later, waking him from his sleep with incessant ringing of his doorbell. Grumbling he let her in, showed her the guest room and the kitchen and then trudged back to bed. The woman seemed nice enough but she wasn't the companion he wanted. Sleep seemed the only escape from the emptiness he was feeling.

Late that night, his phone rang. It was Nurse Hannah. He could hear Catherine in the background, crying. "Mr. Brass, could you talk to her. I can't get her to calm down. She had another nightmare, you see…"

"Yeah…give the phone to her…"

"Jim?"

"Yeah…you okay?"

"I…miss you. I'm glad you got out but…I miss you."

"Yeah…" They talked for a few minutes with Jim reassuring her that she was safe, that it indeed had been a nightmare. As they hung up, he vowed to be awake every night so that she could call if another nightmare came.

The next day Nick stopped by. "We got him," Nick said as soon as he was through Jim's door.

"Stan Kava? He's in custody?" Jim asked as relief swept over him.

"Yeah. Vartann busted him last night. They found him in another fleabag on the edge of town. You must have gotten some pretty good hits in on him because he's all black and blue," the CSI said as he grinned. "The lab is running his DNA now, but it's him. Should be able to match his sample with the semen we found in the house and…on Catherine."

"You're sure it's him?"

"Yeah. But we need you to come down and make a positive ID. Ideally, we'd like Catherine to ID him too, but since she's still in the hospital…"

"Just as well…I don't think it would be the best thing for her. She…well, the nightmares are still pretty bad."

Nick looked at his friend closely. "You and she…how's that going?"

Jim shrugged. "She's still too…it's gonna take some time. Right now, I'm just her friend, someone who understands the hell she went through 'cause I was there. That's what she needs from me now, so that's what I am."

"But you told her how you feel?"

"Yeah," Jim said softly. "She knows. So when is this ID taking place," he added, changing the subject.

"I can give you a ride if you want. We can do it now."

"Yeah. Call the station and set it up. Just let me change first." Jim disappeared into his bedroom as Nick called Vartann.

The aide, Melissa, followed Jim to his room. "You alright?" she asked. "Need any help?"

"No, I'm good," Jim said as he struggled out of his stale shirt. Sleeves and arm casts didn't work together, he decided. Also, anything pullover was out. Melissa stood in the doorway and watched as he perused his closet looking for a reasonable choice in shirts. He felt her eyes on him and suddenly became aware of his state of undress above the belt. _At least I still have my pants on…_Grabbing a loose fitting Hawaiian shirt that he'd bought on impulse before a trip to Cancun a few years back, he grunted. The shirt wasn't his usual style, but he'd been carrying around a few extra pounds when he bought it so it should be loose enough to accommodate the cast and the extra size of his girth because of the bandages.

Melissa was next to him in an instant as he struggled with getting the damned cast through the sleeve. He grunted his thanks and told her he could take it from there once the buttons were fastened. Something in the way she looked at him made him uneasy. Last thing he wanted was her help with his pants. Jim chuckled to himself. _Time was I'd have enjoyed her looks…_But now there was only woman whose looks of interest appealed to him. He smiled as the warm feeling that he associated with thoughts of Catherine washed over him.

Jim waited in his office while Vartann got the line up ready to go. A few well wishers stopped in when they saw him through his glass walls but he really wasn't in the mood to chat. Finally, Nick came in. "It's all set. You ready?"

Jim shifted uncomfortable and nodded. He followed as Nick led the way. There was another man in the room that Jim recognized from Legal Aide. _Must be the bastard's lawyer. _Jim glared at him and then grunted an acknowledgement when the man greeted him.

"You know the drill, Jim," Tony began. "Just take your time and we'll get this son-of-a-bitch."

Jim nodded subtly and looked through the glass into the other room. "Let's get this over with," he barked.

Tony Vartann called into the other room and a uniform answered. Jim watched him through the window as he got his instructions. Then a door opened and several men were herded in. Jim had to give Tony credit; he wasn't making an ID easy. All of the men were very close in build and coloring. But his eyes fell on one immediately and anger began to boil in his gut. "That's the bastard," Jim growled. "Number 3. That's him."

Tony looked at Jim, surprised. "You sure? You don't want to look them all over before you choose?"

"Naw….that's him," Jim said confidently. He'd never forget the man's eyes, not only the shape but the expression. He'd seen perps that were angry or frightened or all whole host of other emotions. But he'd never seen anyone so totally devoid of emotion, except cruelty. No, that was the guy. The knot in Jim's stomach was telling him so, even if the bastard hadn't been wearing the same expression, Jim would have known.

"Okay then," Tony said, glancing smugly back at the lawyer. "We'll book him."

"What about the other victim?" the lawyer piped up. "When's she going to make an ID?"

Jim snarled at the man as Tony answered. "She's still in the hospital."

"Then, at least do a photo line up. My client deserves…"

"Your client deserves to rot in hell," Jim scowled.

"He deserves a fair…" Jim didn't hear the rest as he stormed out of the room, slamming the door on his way out.

"You okay?" Nick asked as he met Jim in the hallway.

Letting out a deep sigh, Jim relaxed. "Yeah."

Vartann, followed by the lawyer, walked out. "Okay," Tony was saying. "We'll take care of that this afternoon. "But your client is going to lock-up. And the D.A. has already said that he's filing every charge he can think of against Kava. He wants to send a message that you don't do this to cops and get away with it."

"But…" then the lawyer looked closer at the faces of the three men that surrounded him and decided to retreat. "Yeah…okay." He left without another word.

"So, you really gonna do the photos?" Jim asked Tony.

"Yeah," Tony answered apologetically.

Jim's face furrowed as anger began to boil again. "Don't you think she's been through enough?"

"We have to do it, Jim. The stronger we make the case, the longer the bastard stays locked up. You know that."

"Yeah, but this is gonna be rough on Catherine."

"Could you… I mean, maybe if you showed her…"

"Now Tony, you know Jim can't do that. He's a victim here. He can't have anything to do with the evidence."

Tony nodded sullenly. "Yeah. I just don't think it'll help Catherine any if I'm the one…"

"Why? Cause you deserted her when she needed you?" Jim was snarling again.

"Hey, look…like I told you before, we weren't really that close and now that she's…"

"You jackass," Nick said contemptuously. "Come on, Jim. I'll give you a ride."

Looking at Tony, Jim squinted. "When you doing the photos?"

"As soon as I can get a collection together. An hour or so."

"I want to be there."

Tony glanced from Jim to Nick and back, disconcerted. "Why?"

"'Cause she's going to need somebody when she does this and you ain't him," Jim answered derisively.

Tony nodded awkwardly. "Give me a few and I'll meet you there."

Nick tried to argue with Jim about going to the hospital. Frustrated, Jim barked at him, "Okay, don't worry about it. I'll just call a cab."

Nick studied Jim's stance and finally acquiesced. "I'll take you but then I'm taking you home. You shouldn't have been out this long. You _are_ still on the mend, you know?"

Jim grumbled and Nick was glad that he couldn't understand what was said. Never the less, the ride to the hospital was uncomfortable with Nick feeling guilty for getting Jim out of the house in the first place and Jim still irritated with the idea of Catherine having to do the photo line up.

Catherine wasn't happy about the photo ID either. She looked at Jim nervously when he explained why they needed her to do it. Finally, she nodded her head in agreement, although her reluctance was palatable. Vartann arrived a few minutes later with Kava's attorney in tow. "Jim, I think you should wait out in the hall while we do this," Tony suggested nervously. He didn't like the expression on Jim's face.

Jim glanced at Tony and then the lawyer. His eyes narrowed as he seemed to be weighing his options. Much to Tony's relief, Jim grunted and then headed for the door. Determined to keep Catherine in his sight however, Jim stood expectantly just outside where he could see her.

Catherine swallowed with difficulty as Tony explained the situation and introduced Kava's attorney. Then quietly he asked if she was ready. Nick stood next to her bed, close in case she needed friendly support.

Tony handed her the photo card that included six pictures. Nick was impressed. Tony had done a good job of finding guys who looked very similar. Catherine blanched when she looked at the card. Before anyone could gage her reaction, she began to vomit, sending her breakfast across the floor. And then she began to scream.

Jim was at her side in an instant. Nurse Joyce ran into the room, wondering what was happening with her patient. By the time she got to the bed, Nick had handed Jim a washcloth to wipe Catherine's face, which he was doing as he spoke soothingly to her. Her sobbing was the only sound that anyone could hear in the room.

"I think you all should leave," Joyce snapped.

Tony looked guiltily at the lawyer. "Yeah. But first…Catherine which one?"

Catherine looked at Tony, her eyes overflowing. Barely able to catch her breath, she managed to choke out, "number 3." Tony nodded. "Thanks." Then he grabbed the attorney by his elbow and pushed him out of the room.

Nick stood back as Jim and Joyce tended to Catherine. Once she began to calm down, Joyce told Jim that they needed to leave and let her get Catherine cleaned up and the bed changed.

"But…" Jim began.

"No arguments," she said emphatically. "You should be home in bed anyway."

Nick thought Jim looked helpless as he looked from Joyce to Catherine. "But, I want to stay until she's…"

Catherine smiled weakly at him. "I'll be alright. She's right. You look like you're about to pass out, Jim. Go home. I'll be fine."

Had Nick not been witnessing it, he never would believe that Jim Brass was capable of such a soft expression, but as he looked at Catherine his features settled into a gentle, almost childlike appearance. It was clear to Nick that the man had it bad for his red headed supervisor.

"Come on, Jim. I'll take you home," Nick said quietly. "I'll bring you back tomorrow."

Jim let him lead him out of the room, looking back the whole way. The worry on Jim's face brought fresh tears to Catherine's eyes. "I'll call you later, okay?" she said.

Jim nodded, afraid that if he spoke he'd lose it. Then he walked with Nick into the hall.

"Man, you've got it bad, don't you?" Nick said as he drove Jim home.

Jim sighed. "Yeah, I do. And seeing how upsetting that was for her….I'd like to kill a couple of people."

"Yeah," Nick agreed. "Me too. What I don't get is Vartann. I mean, they dated for awhile. Seems like he would have been more considerate of her feelings..."

"Vartann's an ass," Jim growled. "He's always been a little on the insensitive side, but this was…bullshit…." Jim's face settled into a grimace.

"Well, at least it's over. We have two positive ID's and when the DNA evidence comes in, it'll be a slam dunk."

"Yeah. At least we got that…" Both men were quiet for the remainder of the ride.

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So, did this meet with your approval? The little button is eagerly awaiting your attention.


	15. Chapter 15

Jim woke in the night with a start. He'd been dreaming. In the dream, Catherine was in trouble and he couldn't help her. It was pretty much the way he'd felt all day. She'd finally called that afternoon, to tell him she really was okay. He could hear the fear in her voice though. She didn't fool him.

He glanced over at the clock. 12:15 glowed in the softly lit green numbers. Jim let out a deep breath. His side hurt. Melissa had checked his wound and redressed it when he'd gotten home. He'd downed a painkiller and taken a nap. When he woke later, he was relieved to be almost pain free and even felt like eating a little.

Lying in the dark now, he was hurting again. Trying to think of anything but the pain, Jim made a mental note to call the agency and ask for a different aide. He didn't like the way Melissa kept looking at him. And he certainly hadn't like the way she touched him when she was redressing his wound. He wanted to concentrate on Catherine and not have to worry about fending off Melissa's advances. The woman simply made him feel creepy at times.

His mind wandered back to Catherine. She'd sounded shaky on the phone. Her reaction to the pictures had been a surprise to him. He'd expected some reaction but that was beyond anything he'd imagined. She was usually a tough cookie and to see her so overwhelmed by just seeing a picture of the son-of-a-bitch had upset Jim.

Glancing at the clock again, he came to a decision that he hadn't realized had been brewing in his mind. Slowly, he got up and began dressing. He considered calling a cab, but didn't want the driver's arrival alerting Melissa, so he slipped out of the house instead. His car was parked in the drive and as he climbed in, he struggled to get comfortable. Between his side and his arm, it took some maneuvering. Then he started the engine and eased the Charger out of the driveway. He drove carefully, understanding that his abilities were compromised at best. Luckily traffic was light for most of the trip.

Peeking out of the elevator as the door opened, Jim scanned the hallway and saw no one. He made his way down the hall and slipped into Catherine's room unseen. Taking a moment to let his eyes adjust to the darkened room, he concentrated on the sound of her breathing. _Good, she's asleep. _

He moved quietly to the chair next to her bed and sat in it. Moonlight shone through the window and cast its glow onto her face. Jim smiled as he gazed at her peaceful features. His mind was empty of any thought but his heart was filled with many emotions; sadness, worry, love, awe, and anger combined to consume him. Tears sat in his eyes as he watched her sleep. She didn't deserve what had happened. Her life already had enough grief and sadness and now this. He wanted more than anything else in life to just make some of it go away for her.

And then he wanted to consume her, make her his. The sudden realization of those particular emotions staggered him. It wasn't that Jim had never felt slightly predatory towards a woman; it was sobering to realize that he felt that way towards this one. Oh, he had wondered what it would be like…sex with her. But generally, his feelings had been more of a tender nature. He loved her, wanted to comfort her, and wanted to take her hurt away. _Yeah, who you kidding? You want her, you bastard…_Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. What kind of sicko wanted to screw a woman who'd just been brutally raped? His eyes furrowed as he considered the situation. _You're not in such good shape yourself, asshole. How can you be feeling this? Probably couldn't get it up if she was healthy anyway…_ But his mind refused to let go of the mental picture, along with accompanying physical sensations that making her his would entail.

And then an epiphany struck. Making love to her was about the only thing he could imagine that would be as intense as what he felt for her. Tears rushed to his eyes as happiness settled over him. He'd been in love before but never like this; no one ever had made him feel like this. It was insane, he reflected as he looked at her, to fall so completely at his age. He qualified for AARP, he was too old to be crazy in love like this. But there was a peace in loving her as well. Yeah, sure he wanted her but while the sexual desire might be a little dulled by age, there was something else, something deeper that he felt…something he'd never felt with anyone else. Was it because he _was_ older and everything wasn't colored by his hormones? Maybe it was that he'd learned a few things along the way and could appreciate this gift of love at this point in his life. Or was it just because it was Catherine? Maybe it was a combination, but whatever the reasons, this was the most meaningful relationship he would ever have. Quiet joy spread through him as the new insight spread through him. Settling deeper in his chair, Jim contented himself with watching her; a hobby that he decided would take up most of his time from now on.

Sometime later he was startled awake by her moans. She was dreaming. Jim was immediately beside her, trying to calm her.

"Jim?" she asked groggily as her eyes opened.

"Yeah Baby, it's me."

"What…why are you here?" Alarm sounded in her voice.

"I couldn't sleep," he told her. "I was lonesome all by myself in my bed," he finished softly.

"You know, I think I've had you all wrong all these years. You're just a dirty old man, aren't you?"

"That's harsh," he grinned. "You know, back in Jersey they called me Squeaky."

"Rats squeak."

"Now she's calling me a rat…I see that I'm not appreciated here."

"Hmmmm…." She hummed sleepily. "Poor Jim." She opened her eyes enough to see the sparkle in his moonlit eyes.

"Yeah, poor Jim; he's missing his favorite roommate." He smirked.

Sudden awareness rushed through Catherine. "How'd you get here anyway?"

"Car."

"You drove…yourself?"

Jim shrugged. "Yeah. I know how to drive. They teach that stuff in cop school, you know."

"They teach you how to drive under the influence of heavy painkillers?"

"Didn't take any."

She studied his face closer. "No painkillers? You're hurting." It was more of a statement than a question.

"A little," he conceded. "But it was worse when I was alone in my bed."

"Where's your aide?"

"Asleep, I suppose. I think I wore her out."

Catherine shot him a questioning look. "Wore her out?"

Jim hadn't meant what apparently she was thinking. But he saw an opportunity. "Yeah, Melissa likes me," he grinned unabashedly.

"Melissa?"

"Yeah. She um…well, she helps me you know…with things."

"Things?"

"Yeah. Like when I was getting dressed and then later when I undressed. And…well, her hands were all over me and…" Catherine started laughing. "What?" he asked incredulously.

"You," she laughed. "Melissa is probably a 300 pound Amazon with biceps as big as your thigh. That or she's an 80 year old grandmother that keeps her hand in nursing for something to do."

"She is not. She's about 40, big luscious eyes and an ass to die for," he teased. "And she can't keep her eyes off of me."

"Okay, well…first, you're a breast man, not an ass man. And obviously she took her eyes off of you because you escaped."

"Well, she's got those too, but her ass is still her best quality… especially when she is leaving. And yeah, I snuck out. The woman is creepy." Catherine began to giggle. "She looks at me like I'm lunch or something…not that I don't mid attractive women appreciating my manliness, but….she's creepy. Besides, there is only one woman I want to share myself with."

"Only one," Catherine asked coquettishly.

"Yeah," he grinned.

"Who would that be," she asked, fluttering her eyes outrageously.

Jim snickered. "There's this broad down at HQ, and she's…hot…for me," he responded impishly.

Catherine swatted at him but he caught her hand in his. "That's great," he smiled as he held her hand.

"Hmmm… great that there's someone else or great that you're making me jealous?"

"Great that you can do that…slap at me like that," he said, caressingly.

"Yeah, it is. I was beginning to wonder…Phillip actually had me take a step today."

"He did? And…you did?" Jim was gleeful.

"Yeah, with him and a walker helping me, but yeah, I did."

Jim squeezed her hand. "Felt good, didn't it? To be under your own power?"

"Well, I wasn't exactly under my own power, not yet. But, it did feel good just to take a step. Tomorrow…or I guess it is today now, I'll take more, he said."

They remained quiet for a few minutes, basking in her physical accomplishment and in each other. Finally Catherine spoke. "Jim, you shouldn't keep risking your health to come here. I don't know how you knew that I would have a bad dream tonight, but you did…and here you are. And this afternoon, when Tony brought the pictures, you should've let Nick take you home instead of coming here. I don't want you to end up back in the hospital because of me."

Jim looked at her, completely enthralled. "Catherine, you are the only place I want to be. And…if you are hurting, then I'm going to do whatever it takes. In case it really hasn't sunk in yet, I'm in love with you. And sitting here, watching you sleep earlier, I realized I've never been this…deeply in love before. If you're not happy, then I'm not happy…and my health depends on your health. So, being here to help you is selfish on my part really. Because, you see…I won't be alright until you are."

Catherine's eyes widened as he spoke. Tears filled them. "Jim….I…you told me but…I didn't realize…I mean, that you…that…that you…"

"That I'm crazy about you? That when you walk into the room, I forget to breathe…my collar is suddenly two sizes too small? That even though I'm way too old to be feeling this way, I feel like I'm in high school again, stumbling all over myself when you're around?" He took her hand and held it, his hand warm over hers. "That I never knew love…not like this anyway? You didn't know that?" He grinned. "Then you're not as good at analyzing evidence as I thought you were."

"You said…you said that you wouldn't push, that…you'd wait until we were better…"

"And I will. I'm not trying to pressure you. I just want you to understand why I am here…why I can't stay away. I understand that what you need right now is friendship and I can do that…just don't ask me to stay away. Okay?"

Catherine looked deeply into his steely blue eyes and felt herself drowning in the tenderness she found there. It was true, he loved her. He loved her in the way she'd wanted love all of her life. But she couldn't accept it, not immediately, because she wasn't sure of her own feelings. She wouldn't try to make it something it wasn't…she wouldn't do that to him. If she decided to accept his love, it would be because she could love him back. She thought she could, especially after the last week, but she'd never let herself go there before…never even looked at him like that. They'd always just been friends, good friends. Could it grow into something else? Obviously it had for him. As she wondered about the possibilities, she was suddenly excited about them.

"This is all new to me but I just want you to take care of yourself, Jim. You're going to take me to dinner, remember? I'm looking forward to dinner. I want to go someplace really nice…get all dressed up and everything. If you don't take care of yourself, I'll have to wait for that and I don't want to wait any longer than I have to."

Jim smiled. "Okay. I'll be ready when you are."

"Then maybe you should go home and get some rest," she suggested with a seductive smile.

"Yes M'am. But I'm gonna call you later, okay?"

Her face lit up. "Okay."

Jim stood up and pulled her hand to lips, brushing it briefly with them. He looked into her eyes, his heart too full to speak. "Okay then," he finally managed. And then setting her hand down, he turned and left before she saw the tears that were forming.

* * *

I really do appreciate all of your reviews. You guys are so supportive. And sometimes you give me really good ideas to twist around in my brain. Keep up the good work!


	16. Chapter 16

For three days, Jim did as his doctor and his love instructed and stayed home, resting as much as he possibly could. He and Catherine talked frequently but it seemed her nightmares weren't as bad since Stan Kava was in custody and she assured him that she was sleeping better. "As much as I miss you, I'm okay," she told him. And she sounded like she really was.

Melissa was replaced by a middle aged woman with a jovial outlook but had absolutely no interest in Jim beyond patient status. If he got tired and grumpy, she grumped back. She was quiet when he slept and encouraged him to get up and move around when he was awake; always watching to be sure he didn't overdue. "The stitches are healing finally," she declared one morning as she redressed his wound. "Your doctor will be happy to hear the news. You were overdoing in the beginning and it caused some problems."

"Yeah, I know…but I had to."

"How's the pain?" She asked, avoiding the topic of his previous antics. "You don't seem to be taking as many pills."

"It's better. The arm hardly hurts anymore and my side…well, as long as I'm quiet, it seems to bearable."

She smiled knowingly. "Ah-ha. Well, I'm sure he will be pleased at your next appointment." Jim watched Merry as she packed up the gauze and other bandage supplies. Once again he congratulated himself on getting rid of Melissa. Merry seemed much more competent and was much easier to have around.

He talked with Catherine before heading for his morning nap. She bubbly and excited, having made a lot of progress in her morning physical therapy session; "…and a counselor showed up to talk about the attack. She was good Jim, much better than the first one that showed up right after. This one said I just wasn't ready then, but I seemed ready to deal with it now. I think I'll continue with her even after I am discharged."

"Good. Any word on when that will be?"

"Well, yesterday my doctor said the only thing keeping me here was the amount of physical therapy that I need. But this morning, Phillip said he thought I was about ready to go home and have an in home therapist two or three times a week. He said I'd still need assistance for a few weeks since I live alone now. But he thinks I would be fine. He and the doctor are going to consult later today."

"That's great! Assistance huh? You could stay with me and we could share Merry," he suggested lightly.

"Yeah…and where would I sleep? She's in your guest room, isn't she?"

"Well, yeah. But we've shared a bed before, remember?" His tone was teasing.

"That was when were too hurt for it to matter. Now that we're all better, I don't trust you to keep your hands to yourself," she giggled.

"Ouch. I'm hurt. Me…not trustworthy?" He chuckled. "Maybe you're right. I'm not sure I _could_ keep my hands off of you. It's been awhile for me and you are a very sexy lady, you know."

"Maybe you should have kept Melissa then," Catherine chuckled.

"Oh no," Jim groaned. "Melissa was creepy. Besides, there is only one woman that interests me…"

"Jim…" she said shyly. He could picture her face on the other end of the phone, a slight blush rising in her cheeks. He was tickled by her reaction; he was getting through.

Later that day, Nick visited Jim. "Kava made a deal," Nick told him. "He pled to all the charges in exchange for taking the death penalty off the table. He pled to 1st degree murder, conspiracy to commit murder, aggravated sexual assault, two counts of assault of a police officer, and a whole list of other charges. With all the sentences combined, he'll get out in about seventy years, if he gets parole," the CSI reported happily.

"Does Catherine know?"

"I thought you might like to tell her," Nick suggested.

"Yeah. I will. Thanks, Nick.

Catherine woke to the feel of a warm hand over hers. She basked in the warm affection she felt in the grip and opened her eyes to caring blue ones. But they weren't the blue eyes she expected. "Gil?"

He smiled that boyish smile that had always captivated her. "Yeah, it's me. I would have been here sooner, but…"

"That's okay, Gil. You have a life now and…you're here now."

"Well, it was a few days before I found out and then…I had to make some arrangements to take an extended leave."

"A few days…I thought Sara had talked to you right after?"

"Sara?" His features clouded. "I um…no. I found out because I called Conrad to get copies of some case files for a paper I'm working on."

"Sara didn't tell you?"

"How…no, she didn't."

Catherine's eyebrows furrowed. "She said…oh well, it doesn't matter. So where are you now…living, I mean."

"London. I'm lecturing at Oxford and working on a paper. I've been lecturing at seminars and symposiums for several months. It seemed like a good way to make a living after Costa Rica. You know, travelling the world and meeting new students along the way…"

"Like the Sorbonne?"

"Yeah, Paris was great. But I left there months ago. I spent two weeks in Rome but only one was as a lecturer. I went to Japan and spent a few days in Hong Kong. Then I went to Israel. I spent a week in Madrid and now I'm in London."

"Oxford is in London?"

"No, but it is close. And staying in London, I have access to Scotland Yard and their records. I've been doing some sight seeing too."

"Chasing rare insect specimens, no doubt," she said amusedly.

"Actually, Britain is a pretty sterile environment when it comes to nature. They killed off most of their wild habitats and consequently, wildlife. Insects don't really have a hospitable environment there. They have insects, of course…but not like other places I've been."

Catherine smiled knowingly. "But you looked anyway."

"You know me too well," he conceded. "So, when do you get out of here?"

"Maybe tomorrow. The doctor and my PT are discussing it today."

"Have anyone to stay with you?"

"I'm sure the department will fork over for an aide of some kind. They did for Jim."

"Yeah…how bad was Jim's injury anyway?"

"Bad enough. He has a compound fracture in his arm and a knife wound his side. There were…complications," she said distantly as she remembered his constant attempts to be near her.

"Complications?"

"Yeah, um…some torn stitches and an infection. He's home now though, with assistance. Although when I talked to him this morning, he said the assistant will probably leave in a few days. He really is doing better."

"Glad to hear it. But I'm more concerned with you," he said warmly.

Catherine looked at him quizzically. What was this all about, she wondered. What was going on with him and Sara?

In the darkness of his cell, Stan Kava was seething. He hadn't wanted to cop a plea but his bottom feeder lawyer had brokered the deal. _At least it keeps me away from the needle…_ He clinched his fist as he fought his anger. He couldn't think when the last time was that he was so angry. _That bitch…if she hadn't fought so hard; he liked it when they fought back. It had made him more aggressive…she should've just shut up and taken it. IT was her fault he was in this mess…her and that old cop. Geez, who'd have thought he'd put up such a fight. _And then it clicked. _He wasn't fighting for himself…he was fighting for her. If he'd just wanted to stay alive, he'd have gone down and stayed down when I hit him with the board. But he was trying to get between me and her…dude was crazy. _

His mind began working, planning his near future. _They're gonna move me soon…another day or two at the most. That's when I'll make my move…on the bus…and then I'll get that bitch. And that cop friend of hers too. They're gonna pay._

Jim woke from his afternoon nap and was restless. He paced through the house until Merry blocked him in the hall. "You're like a caged cat, prowling. What has you so worked up?"

Jim frowned. "I dunno. Just cabin fever, I guess," he said swiping his face with his hand.

Merry appraised him coolly. "How about we go for a ride?"

Jim began to grin. "Don't suppose that ride could include going by the hospital, could it?"

Merry nodded, her eyes sparkling. "I heard you had a special interest there. Okay, we can stop in for a few minutes. But you do as I tell you, okay?"

"Yes Ma'am," Jim replied. "Just give me a few minutes put something on." It took less than ten minutes for Jim to be ready.

He and Merry walked outside and he eyed her ancient Ford warily. "I can drive us in my car," he said encouragingly.

Merry laughed. "No you won't. You're still under the influence and even though you're getting stronger everyday, I don't trust you behind the wheel."

"Ah…come on "

"You want to go to the hospital or not?" she asked firmly.

Jim huffed. "Okay…"

Merry told Jim that she would wait in the waiting area near the elevators while he visited his friend. He thanked her and then headed down the hall to Catherine's room. Hearing voices from inside, he paused a moment, not believing that the male voice he heard could be real. _Oh shit, just when I was getting somewhere…now this. _Taking a deep breath, he walked inside casually.

"Gil," he said warmly as he spotted the former CSI and his long time friend. "When'd you get in?"

"Jim," Gil nodded in his direction, the corner of his mouth rising into his quirky grin. "A little while ago. I…heard what happened and came as quickly as I could. I um…well, I just felt like I should come."

Jim glanced at Catherine, who was smiling softly at her former boss. "Yeah…I know what you mean," he answered darkly. Gil's eyebrow rose slightly as a question registered in his eyes. Then understanding passed over his features as he dipped his head.

"Well, I should get going…get settled in," Gil said as he stepped towards his bags that he'd left sitting next to the wall.

"Sara will be thrilled to see you," Catherine smiled.

"Ah…yeah," Gil replied enigmatically. "I'll bet she will."

Jim frowned and tilted his head. Something was off…way off. "She knew you were coming in today, didn't she?"

"Not exactly," Gil confessed. "I hadn't told her my plan. Thought it might be a surprise," he added mysteriously. "Look, I'll see you both later."

"Yeah…okay," Jim said softly, his mind trying to piece together the puzzle that was Gil Grissom. "Yeah," Catherine added, wistfully.

"Wonder what that was all about?" Catherine asked once Gil was gone.

Jim eyed her carefully. "I don't know. You think….I mean, maybe…is the honeymoon over already?"

"I'm wondering if there ever was a honeymoon," Catherine replied as she contemplated Gil's behavior. "I get the impression that he didn't know she was here. And he's in for a surprise if he plans to stay at the townhouse."

Jim pondered the scenario momentarily. "I dunno…if he's just planning on a short visit, why go through the hassle of having the utilities turned on….assuming he didn't know Sara was there already."

"Yeah," Catherine replied with a far away look. "But…as Gil used to say, 'assume nothing."

Nodding in agreement, Jim began to wonder about the repercussions for all of them, if their speculation was correct. "And all this time we thought he'd finally gotten his head together…"

"Maybe he wasn't the problem," Catherine said defensively. "She did leave him twice before…"

Suddenly, Jim was tired of Gil Grissom as a topic of conversation. He eyed Catherine inquisitively, wondering if she was seeing an opportunity or if she was just worried about her friends. "Oh, hey…almost forgot why I came by. Nick told me earlier that Kava pled out. He won't see daylight again except through prison bars."

Catherine's head shot up, her expression almost pleading. "Really? You're sure about that?"

"Yes. He came by my place earlier to deliver the good news."

"So…it's a done deal?"

"Done," he nodded with a smile. "You don't have to worry about Stan Kava anymore."

Catherine looked at her hands, folded in her lap. "Yeah…no more worry…"

Jim leaned towards her, his head dipping as he tried to see her face. "You okay?"

Her head shot up, her eyes wide. "Yeah, I just…yeah," she sighed in resignation.

"Then why do I feel like you could use a shot of Scotch?"

A sparkle glimmered in her eyes as she looked at him. "It does sound good about now, but…I'll be fine." Then her attention changed suddenly as she looked past him towards the door. "You didn't drive yourself, did you?"

"Me?" Jim asked innocently. "You really think I'd do a silly thing like that?"

Her eyes danced as she replied. "Yes, I do…and you have before." Settling on him, her eyes continued to dance as she remembered his reason for coming on his own. Briefly, she thought of Gil, who always seemed to be running away from entanglement and mentally compared him to Jim, who seemed to be charging at full speed towards a relationship with her. Her expression changed to pensive as she considered both men. She'd loved Gil, had romantic notions about him for years until she'd finally given up on him and settled for just being friends. But Jim, she'd always looked to him for friendship…a calm in the storms of her life. And now he was the storm, stirring up questions and emotions that confused her.

Jim watched as several expressions played across her face. He wondered what she was thinking but suspected Gil was somewhere in her thoughts. Dread began to wash over him as he realized he was losing her before he'd ever even really had a chance. Mentally, he shrugged. _Like you ever really had a chance in the first place…_ Thoroughly depressed by his conclusion, he decided it was time to leave.

* * *

That pesky Gil---showing up just in time to muddle thing. SO does Jim try to compete with Gil? Or is Gil still with Sara? ANd if he isn't, what's Catherine going to do with that? And where does all of that leave Jim? And is this really the last we hear of Stan Kava? Hmm....

Guess you'll have to keep reading. And of course, lots of reviews keep the creative juices flowing. But in any case, look for another installment sometime this weekend at the latest.


	17. Chapter 17

Jim's sudden departure left Catherine even more confused. He'd seemed fine and then suddenly…he wasn't. _Just like that…he changed…became disheartened. Somehow, I'm hurting him. I don't want that…never wanted it. But, what happened…what changed?_

Jim was exhausted after the visit. After Merry drove him home, he went to his room to take a nap. He was hurting, not his wounds…his heart. His chest was tight with the hurt and breathing was difficult. He'd been so close to happiness. Then fate delivered a blow in the form of Gil Grissom. Catherine had loved him for years and he was back. Now Jim would have to content himself with just being near her; there was no hope for happiness but maybe he could be content…maybe. Once again, sleep seemed to be his only escape. But his heart ached too much and so he simply laid on his bed wondering why fate seemed to have it in for him.

"Kava," the guard barked.

Stan Kava rose from his bunk and stood, looking through the bars at the man. "Yeah,"

"You're rolling out of here tomorrow morning. Got a free ticket to Ely."

"Yeah, okay."

"Don't be late," the guard chuckled as he walked off.

Kava grinned. _Okay bitch, tomorrow is your lucky day…_

Gil Grissom unlocked the door to his townhouse. It quickly became obvious that Sara was indeed living there; her things were in the sitting area. With a deep sigh, he walked in and closed the door.

That night, Catherine called Jim. He checked the caller ID, sighed, and put his phone back on his table and stared at it. A few seconds later, it beeped, indicating a voice mail. He grimaced as he considered if he really wanted to hear it…could he handle hearing her voice? He decided that he wasn't ready yet. Feeling tired and very old, he decided to try to get some sleep.

Catherine was bewildered. Jim had been so attentive, so there for her. But during his visit earlier, it seemed that he had backed away. She furrowed her eyebrows as she replayed his visit in her mind, trying to discover what had made him change. Then it hit her…._Gil._

_But why would Gil being here make Jim…Ohhhh, Jim knows how I feel…felt…What do I feel? It was good to see him; I've missed him. But…do I still love him? Of course, but…love him like that?_ She concentrated on her feelings for both men. She'd been right when she told Jim that a part of her would always love Gil. But as she thought more about it, she realized that while they were great friends, they would be miserable as a couple. _Too many differences…his reticence would drive me up the wall. And I'm…too emotional for him. No, that's not quite right; Sara is emotional…but …Wow, the times he's been the closest is when I've been needy. He needs to be needed. I don't want a relationship based on that…_

But what about Jim, she wondered. He liked being the protector. In his own gruff way, he wanted to take care of those he cared about. _And he almost died trying to protect me. Do I want that kind of protectiveness?_ Warmth trickled through her veins as she realized how good it felt to have someone care that much. Not that Gil or Tony, for that matter, hadn't been willing to protect her at times…but Jim…he took it to a whole different level.

_So…where does that leave me? What should I do about either of them? Well, it's not really my choice with Gil, he's married. So that leaves Jim…what about him? But Gil seemed…unsettled about Sara; not as happy as I thought he would be. What's up with that? If he were free…_

_But he's not free,_ she reminded herself. _But if he were… _Catherine sighed and continued her musing. _And what about Jim? _Small smile crept across her lips as she contemplated him. She tried once again to call him and still received no answer.

The next morning at 8:45, the doctor told Catherine that she was being released from the hospital. Lindsey was at the hospital two hours later to take her mother home. Jim Brass ate breakfast, checked his messages and went back to bed. And Stan Kava was escorted from his cell to a waiting van that would take him to Ely Prison.

By early afternoon, Catherine was settled at home in her bed. Gil had tried to visit her at the hospital and was now standing on her front porch. Lindsey opened the front door and walked him to her mother's room, where she left the two to talk.

Jim was awake and very grumpy. Merry wondered if he was in pain but as she watched him move around his house, she decided something else was causing his bad mood. It started after his visit to his friend in the hospital the day before, she remembered.

Stan Kava stood over his guard, the man's face unrecognizable beneath the blood and torn flesh. The driver lay dead next to the van, his head bashed in as well. He reached for the shackle keys in the guard's pocket and released his hands from the heavy metal. He was free.

By the time LVPD had been alerted, Kava was already back in the city, wearing fresh clothes and driving the car driven by the ill-fated man that had stopped to help at the scene of the crash. Tony Vartann was sent to pick up Jim while Sam Vega and Officer Mitchell went to check on Catherine. Gil was still with her and consequently, went back to HQ along with Catherine and Lindsey. They all gathered in Jim's office as Under-Sheriff Ecklie gave them a run down on the situation.

"We've got three vics as a result of Kava's escape. We believe he is coming after you, Catherine, and you, Jim. His attorney informed us that Kava blames the two of you for his lifetime sentence. He told us that Kava has made threats about both of you several times."

Catherine began to shake, whispering "oh god" under her breath as Lindsey hugged her mother. Gil's eyes furrowed, a perplexed look settling into his features, as if he wanted to do something but he didn't know how to react. Jim watched, his instinct to go to her but his gut lurching. It was Gil she wanted now, he reminded himself. Merry watched her patient, quietly amused at his dilemma.

"So," Ecklie continued, "the Sheriff has issued orders for both of you to be taken into protective custody. We are preparing a safe house now and you will be moved there as soon as we get word that it is ready. Your daughter will obviously be included Catherine, as well as your aide, Jim." Then looking at Gil, Ecklie cleared his throat. "Gil, I um…I'm not sure why you are here…but since you've had no contact with Kava…"

"Yeah," Gil said putting his hand up to stop Ecklie. "I was just visiting Catherine when this all happened. Sam brought me here as a precaution. I'd like to help if I can, though…as a consultant or something?"

Ecklie studied his former co-worker carefully. "I um…other than keeping Jim and Catherine safe, it is just a matter of finding Kava. I'm not sure how…"

"Okay then. I'll um…well, I'm here if there is anything…" he said tentatively. Jim smirked inwardly. The white knight wasn't needed this time.

"I'll keep that in mind," Ecklie said condescendingly. "In the meantime, Mitch will give you a ride to...wherever you are staying."

Once Gil had left, Ecklie turned his attention to the people left in the room. "Sam and Tony will head the operation. I'll assign enough officers to provide around the clock security outside of the house. The detectives will remain inside. Turning to Jim, he continued. "You have your sidearm?"

"Uh, it's back at the house…but I have a back-up in my drawer," he said as he reached into a bottom drawer and pulled out one identical to the one he usually carried.

"Good," Ecklie nodded. Catherine started to add that she could bring hers but Ecklie cut her off. "You're barely able to stand and move, Catherine. I don't want you in a position where you have to fire a weapon. Hopefully, we'll catch him before he gets anywhere near you anyway. Jim's weapon is just a precaution."

"Where's the safe house?" Jim asked.

"It's on Sorrento, near Tropicana and I-515. We can get help to you quickly, if needed."

Jim nodded as if agreeing. "There are four bedrooms. Catherine, can you and Lindsey share one? There is one on the main floor, so you won't have to try to climb steps."

Catherine nodded. "Yes, we'll be fine together."

"Okay then," Ecklie said. "Jim, there's a room upstairs for you and one for your aide. Sam and Tony will share one. I know you'd all rather be in your own homes, but this is the only way we can keep you safe." Everyone nodded at the Under-Sheriff's assessment.

Three hours later, Ecklie received word that the house was ready. The kitchen had been stocked, utilities turned on, and security cameras installed. The group moved to the house a few minutes later.

"This is your room, Catherine," Tony Vartann said as he showed her the downstairs bedroom. She and Lindsey walked in and began to settle, Catherine depending heavily on her walker and Lindsey carrying a bag with their clothes.

Sam walked upstairs with Jim and Merry. He pointed to a room at the top of the stairs and told Jim that was his room. He opened the door next to Jim's room and put Merry's bag in there for her.

Jim walked into his room. A uniform had brought his bag for him and set it down on the bed, nodded and left. Jim looked around, noting the hard used condition of the furniture. The window was high and narrow, running horizontally across one wall. There was a TV on the dresser and a chair in the corner. A few of his books had been brought from his house and sat on the bedside table. Seems they'd thought of everything. He sighed and trudged over to the bed, suddenly feeling very tired. Maybe now he could sleep.

Lindsey helped Catherine get into bed downstairs. Movement was still difficult and all of the activity had taken a toll on her recovery. Merry, now acting as an aide to both patients came in to check on her.

Catherine asked Merry about Jim. "Humph….he's been in a foul mood," Merry answered. "Don't know what set him off, but I'm beginning to worry. I've seen him grumpy and I've seen him edgy. I've seen him happy and sad. But I've not seen him like this…"

"He's worried," Catherine surmised.

"Perhaps," Marry agreed, "but his bad mood started yesterday. I know he had difficulty sleeping last night. And…his nightmare returned."

"Nightmare?"

"Yes. Oh, I shouldn't have said anything; obviously he hasn't told you…"

No, he hasn't. He's having nightmares?"

"Every night at first. And then they seemed to abate. But last night…it was bad."

Another detective delivered food. The group gathered in the dining area to eat and Catherine watched as Jim picked at his. That was not at all like Jim. Usually he had a hearty appetite and often light-heartedly picked food off his neighbor's plates. Any efforts at conversation with him were met by grunts and scowls. She and Tony exchanged glances. Tony didn't know about Jim's feelings for her, but he understood that they were longtime friends and consequently, she'd be worried. After they finished eating, Sam took Jim into another room and tried to talk to him. Jim snapped at him and then walked out, heading back to his room. He didn't leave it for the rest of the evening.

Catherine went to bed early and Lindsey hung out in the den with Tony. She'd always liked him and was glad to spend some time with him, since he and her mom were no longer seeing one another. They watched a game on TV and she was late getting to bed. Sam took a nap so he could relieve Tony later.

Catherine slept for a few hours and then woke, still worrying about Jim's change in attitude. Lindsey was asleep in the bed next to her. After lying there, wide awake for almost an hour, Catherine decided to get up. Using her walker, she managed to scoot across the room and into the hall. She made it to the foot of the stairs and looked up, wondering if Jim was asleep. She peeked down the hall and saw Sam sitting in the den. Then looking up, she sighed and made a decision.

Leaving the walker at the foot of the stairs, she used the handrail to pull herself up the steps slowly. Lifting her feet for each step was difficult and by the time she reached the top, she was nearing exhaustion. Carefully, grabbing anything she could to hold onto, she made her way to Jim's door. Quietly, she opened it.

Jim was asleep. She listened to his breathing and contemplated whether she wanted to wake him. Inching her way into the room, she made her way over to the bed, where she stood watching him.

Even though he was deep asleep, it registered in Jim's mind that someone was in his room. Grasping the gun that he had under the pillow in the space next to him, he turned and pointed it, adrenaline fueling his quick motion. Catherine gasped as she saw the barrel of the gun pointed straight at her heart, Jim's instincts aiming for a kill shot.

* * *

Yes, I know I'm cruel. I am leaving it there. But I promise, there will be an update soon so you won't have to wait too long to see what happens, lol. You still enjoying?


	18. Chapter 18

Catherine was weak after her climb up the steps and the sight of Jim's weapon pointed at her was too much. She collapsed. Jim's mind cleared enough to recognize Catherine, but as she fell, he looked at his gun in confusion. Furrowing his brow, he tried to process what was happening. He didn't think he'd fired…couldn't recall hearing a shot. But she was on the floor. Fear propelled him across the bed and down next to her. Catherine…oh god….Catherine?" Every internal organ he possessed seemed to rise into his throat as he tried to find a wound. "Oh god…."

Catherine recovered quickly enough to put her hand up and pat his arm. "I'm okay…I just…my legs gave out."

His eyes widened. Then anger began to set in, a reaction to his intense fear. "What the hell….what were you thinking?" he barked.

"I…guess I wasn't," Catherine said meekly.

The commotion in Jim's room woke Merry and she quickly made her way into the hall but stood just outside the door when she realized that Catherine was in his room. She listened and then convinced that everyone was alright, decided to let the two of them talk.

Geez…I could've shot you….oh shit…." He began to tremble.

Catherine sat up. "Jim? Are you okay?" She asked as he crumpled next to her, leaning against the bed.

He nodded, patting her hand that was still on his arm. "You just scared the shit out of me," he said quietly. "For a second there I thought…"

"I'm sorry, Jim. I just…I needed to see you…touch you. You've been so distant the last day or so."

Swallowing his anger he tried to respond but her words baffled him. "I thought…I mean….Gil's back and…well, I thought maybe…"

She scooted to lean against the bed next to him. "Yeah, he's back. He came to see me this morning…to talk. It was…informative."

"Yeah, I'll bet," Jim said sarcastically.

Catherine ignored Jim's remark. "Sara left him again…this time at the altar. They were going to get married in Costa Rica. It…devastated him. He said it took awhile to get on his feet again. But he's doing okay now. He had no idea she was here."

"I'm glad he's better," Jim said sincerely. "But…what about now?"

"He and Sara had a long talk last night…about everything. She…she told him that she ran away this time because she realized that even though he loved her…that he…that there was someone…else."

"Yeah, le'me guess…you."

Catherine looked at him stunned. "You knew?"

"He's had it for you for years," Jim said passively. "He was just too muddled about his emotions to recognize it…or maybe he did but you scared him. I dunno…all I know is that I was glad when he seemed to gravitate towards Sara…gave me hope," he grinned derisively as he began to get his emotions under control.

"I scared him," she answered confidently. "He um…told me that last night. He…wants to see if we can… if maybe…"

Jim snorted. "Seems you have a lot of that going on around you." All of the organs that had been in his throat plummeted; his ship was sinking.

Catherine took a deep breath. "Yeah…I guess."

"So, you and he…you're going to…"

Catherine put a finger to his lips to silence him. Then looking first at his eyes and then his lips, she leaned over and gingerly kissed him, her hand leaving his lips and working to the back of his neck.

Waves of emotion rolled over Jim as she kissed him…need, relief, happiness, fear, more need. Tears formed in his eyes as the reality of her action settled over him and confusion battled within. Was this a kiss of affection or a kiss-off? Finally, she broke the kiss but kept her hand behind his neck, her eyes boring into his. "I told him that he was too late…that there is someone else…that this one is it for me…the forever one."

Jim's eyes widened as joy washed over him. "You did…you told him that? You…I mean, you're choosing…me?" His surprised tone sounded ridiculous to him but he couldn't help it.

Catherine smiled, tears in her own eyes. "I thought a lot about it after you left the hospital…and…no one's ever loved me like you do Jim…not after they get to know me, the real me. And once they know me they cheat on me," she said as her face hardened in pain. "But you…you know me, understand me, and love me…for me. I want that. I know you told me you had an affair while you were married, but somehow…I know you'd never cheat on me. And then I tried to imagine life without you…and I couldn't. I realized that I need you…and then I realized then that I love you."

"Oh geez baby, I love you so much," he said as he gathered her in his arms. "You're making me so happy." His cast hindered the effort but both ignored it as they clung to each other. Finally, he helped her up to the bed and as they sat on it, he felt her stiffen. He kissed her then nuzzled into her neck before pulling back slightly to rest his forehead on hers. "Stay with me," he whispered.

She pulled back further, putting her hand on his chest. "Jim…I….its too soon, I can't…" she answered tearfully.

Softly he countered. "Honey, I'm not asking you to. I don't think I can either," he chuckled as he caressed the side of her face. "But I want to hold you, to have you near me...be..."

"…my teddy bear," she sang, chuckling.

"Something like that," he grinned.

"Jim, teddy bears are soft, cuddly things you cling to in the dark, when you are afraid. I don't want us to always be in the dark."

He squeezed her gently. "We won't be baby, we won't be…" He kissed her again gently, her soft lips surrendering to his. "Besides, you are my sunshine, remember? You with me….I'll never be in the dark."

"Mmmm," she purred, her gaze firmly on his lips. "Kiss me again…"

A few minutes later she was curled next to him with his fingers playing in her hair. She was tracing lines over his undershirt as she soaked up the sounds of his breathing and the warmth that was him. Suddenly a soft chuckle bubbled out of her.

"What," he asked as his fingers stopped their motion.

"Just…I don't know, a wife beater undershirt…it just suits you."

"Wife beater?" His voice seemed to grumble out of his chest rather than his mouth.

"Yeah, you know…A-shirt."

"Yeah, yeah, I know…but I mean… I wasn't the best husband but…wife-beater?"

"Oh, I know you didn't…wouldn't…but, you have to admit there is a certain bad-boy quality about you," she giggled.

He snorted. "Bad-boy? Me?" He sounded incredulous.

She lifted her head and grinned at him. "Oh come on, Jim…you've cultivated the image and you know it."

"No, I haven't," he said a little more seriously. "I mean, I did get into some mischief when I was a kid, but…I guess…maybe it's just the Jersey thing… mobsters and all. I'm really a nice guy, you know…"

"I know," she smiled lovingly. "But it still fits…besides, I like the look on you."

"Oh, you do? Then…I'll skip the dress shirts…save a lot of money that way."

"Hmmm, you in a wife beater and tie…I like it," she said lightly. "Shows off some of your assets that the suits hide."

Jim began to flush. "I um…what, you don't like my suits?" he asked as he began to recover from the embarrassment.

"I like your suits. You wear nice suits. But I think I'll like you better without them." He grinned and giggled, his face looking impish. She put her head back down and became thoughtful. "Jim?"

"Hmm?"

"You were just going to walk away…let Gil have me?"

"I thought he was what you wanted."

"So…you weren't even going to fight for me?" She sounded wounded.

Jim tensed. How could he answer that without hurting her? "I…no," he answered. "If he was what would make you happy…then I wanted that for you even though…it was killing me. And if he wasn't…if you had moved on, then…I thought…. No, no…that isn't right; I wasn't really thinking…just …I thought I'd lost any chance. I just knew that…I mean, you had a thing for him for so long." He squeezed her tighter to him. "I was trying to figure out how I could… if just seeing you, being able to be near you …would it be enough?"

"Why wouldn't you fight for me?"

"You've had to fight through so much…I wasn't going to make things worse for you. Whatever you wanted, whatever would make you happy…that's what I wanted for you."

"Even if it meant that you got hurt?"

Jim was still considering an answer to why he wouldn't fight for her. He ignored the last question. "And what if I had put up a fight? What if somehow I won but it was Gil you really wanted? Then what? No, it was your choice to make. You knew how I feel. If…if you had to see what things could be with Gil, then…that's the way it had to be. Any other way, and you'd always wonder…"

Catherine lifted her head to look into his eyes. Her look was met by honesty and tenderness. "When'd you get so smart?" she asked gently.

A slight smile pulled at the corner of his mouth "I have my moments."

"You have lots of moments," she said as she settled back into him.

Sara's shift finished and she headed back to the townhouse. After her talk with Gil they had agreed that she would stay there while she was in Vegas. Gil would be going back to London soon anyway. Since then, they'd tried to stay out of each other's way. It still hurt to know that he loved Catherine but at least everything was in the open now.

It was a surprise to her when she found him on the couch when she entered the townhouse. He looked somber as he watched her enter through the door. "Gil?" she said in something of a greeting.

"I um…can we talk?"

"Uh...okay…sure." she said, settling in the chair next to his couch.

A couple of hours later, Lindsey woke and rolled over to check on her mother. "Mom?" She looked frantically around the room and then walked to the bathroom, expecting to find her mother there. Then she ran into the hall where she spotted the walker. Clinching her jaw, she ran up the steps. She yelped as she swung Jim's door open and saw her mother snuggled into him, his arm around her. Catherine was awake and signaled to her daughter to remain quiet. Lindsey looked at her petulantly and then headed back downstairs. Catherine snuggled back into Jim, her head on his chest, where she could listen to the comforting beat of his heart.

The house began to stir about an hour later. Merry volunteered to cook breakfast for everyone. Catherine, with Lindsey's help, made her way back downstairs to freshen up and dress. Jim, still unable to shower because of the stitches, took his time to sponge bathe in the bathroom next to his room. Tony showered in the other bathroom while Sam called his wife to check on his family.

Once Tony was finished, he checked in with HQ. The report was not satisfactory for anyone. There was no word on Stan Kava. Tony was sharing his information, or lack of it, with everyone over the breakfast table. The rest of the meal was silent.

Once everyone had finished, they scattered. Merry went with Jim to check his bandages. Lindsey took her turn in the shower and Sam began the clean up from breakfast, leaving Tony and Catherine alone. He helped her walk to the den, where she sat in a comfortable chair.

"So," he sighed as he sat across from her, "you and Jim, huh?"

"Yeah," she smiled warmly.

He looked down and then shrugged. "Look, I'm sorry…about the way I acted after you…after the …attack."

"You mean, the way you didn't act, don't you?" Her tone held an accusation but it was spoken gently.

Tony cringed. "Yeah…I guess that's what I mean…I'm sorry."

"Its okay, Tony. I…I dunno, somehow, it wasn't unexpected. We were never that serious, really."

"Yeah, I suppose not. But I thought that maybe I could be. There was just something…holding you back, I thought."

"Maybe," she conceded with a smile. "Anyway, friends?" she asked hopefully.

He smiled. "Friends," he answered firmly.

A comfortable silence settled between them for a moment. Then, "so…you and Jim?" He grinned sheepishly.

"Yeah," she chuckled. "Now that was a surprise. All these years we were just friends and now…"

"It's more?" he said helpfully.

"Much more," she agreed. "He's what I've been looking for all along. Funny how something can be right under your nose…"

"Yeah," he answered with a tinge of regret in his voice. "Well, I'm happy for both of you. He's a good man."

"Yes, he is…the best."

Lindsey caught Jim on his way downstairs. "I um, was thinking…" she said to him meekly.

He stopped and looked at her warily. They hadn't exactly gotten along well and he was waiting for another outburst from her. "Okay," he said evenly.

"Yeah…um…Mom shouldn't really be climbing steps yet. And…she's probably going to keep trying."

Jim furrowed his brow. "I'll tell her to stay put." He thought that should satisfy the girl.

"Yeah, but she won't. She's kind of…willful, you know."

A small smile tugged at his mouth. _Like mother like daughter…_ "I've noticed."

"Well, um…maybe if you and I changed places… you sleep down here. Then, maybe she'd stay downstairs."

Jim was flabbergasted. "You serious?"

"Yeah, I am…because I don't want her falling down the steps."

"Well, it's okay with me, but we need to ask her what she thinks." He tried not to sound too eager, not wanting Lindsey thinking that all he wanted was in the sack with her mother.

She grinned. _Of course its okay with you…_"Let me take care of that one…" and she bounced down the hall toward the den, where Catherine was sitting.

* * *

Okay, I'm going to try an experiment and won't ask for reviews. I want to see what you will do without the usual grovelling.

I hope you enjoyed this installment. Maybe it was an adequate reward for the little cliffy I left you with last time?

Off to write more...


	19. Chapter 19

Sorry about the delay. That darned real life stuff just gets in the way sometimes! Anyway, many thanks to those who reviewed the last chapter. Your support is most appreciated. And to the silent ones, I appreciate that you continue to read along. I hope the story continues to please.

* * *

Catherine managed to stay awake until after lunch but it was obvious to everyone that she needed a nap, so as Lindsey and Tony cleaned up Merry herded Catherine to her bed for a nap. Then finding Jim, the nurse's aide insisted that he needed one too. Jim admitted that he was tired and began to make his way upstairs when Lindsey stepped out of the kitchen and stopped him.

"Where you going?" she asked.

"Thought I'd lie down for awhile," he answered.

"You're going in the wrong direction then," she said as she pointed to the downstairs bedroom.

Jim looked at her suspiciously. "What…um…" and he glanced up the steps.

"I moved my things up there and yours are down here now. I thought we had decided…"

"But Catherine hasn't…"

"Yes she did. I talked to her earlier," she smiled. "Have a nice nap," she said over her shoulder as she headed down the hall to the den.

Jim stood frozen in the hallway for a moment, shy about barging in on Catherine. _But the kid did say…_and so gathering his courage, he slipped into the room quietly, in case she was already asleep. He settled in the bed as carefully as he could, trying not to disturb her and had just gotten comfortable when she scooted close to him, draping her arm over his body possessively. He smiled as he felt the weight of her limb encompass him and then he settled deeper into the mattress, lifting his arm to wrap around her and pull her closer. Her hair tickled his nose as she settled her head in the crook of his shoulder, her grip tightening around him. Floating on clouds, Jim closed his eyes to rest.

Stan Kava surveyed the street carefully. The building he was looking for was the third down on the right. He knew because he had followed them when they left the police station. But just as he was about to make a move toward it, something caught his eye. Across the street and down a bit was a car with a single occupant. Looking around more, he spotted another car just a few doors down with another person inside. _They're watching the house…_

He worked his way around to the back but didn't see any signs that there was anyone watching the back of the house. Still, he decided to be patient and finding an acceptable hiding place between a concrete block fence and some shrubs, he waited.

Gil woke to the feel of something in his arms. Smiling as he opened his eyes, he took in the aroma in the air, the smell that only sex with her could produce. He tightened his grip around her as he spooned closer, wanting to feel her skin next to his. _I do love Catherine, _he thought, _but this is where my happiness lies._

Jim woke to soft kisses along the outline of his undershirt, soft kisses that tickled. He tried to move his arm to stop her but it was asleep and tingled painfully with the motion. "Catherine," he giggled, "stop."

"Mmmm, why?" she murmured playfully.

"It tickles," he said as he tried not to wiggle.

"It does," she said, startling him as she bolted upright. "You're ticklish?"

The gleam in her eyes worried Jim. He knew he was about to be attacked and reduced to a fit of giggles. But hiding it from her was useless and so as he worriedly looked her way, he admitted his weakness. A devilish grin grew across her face as she studied him. "I'll have to remember that," she said wickedly.

"You mean you're not going to attack me now," he asked, almost disappointed.

"No, it might make your stitches break open. But, once you've healed…you're all mine, mister."

Happiness ran through him. "I like the sound of that," he said. "I like the idea of being all yours."

"Good," she gloated as she scooted off the bed and walked towards the bathroom, her gait stilted and hesitant.

Jim watched her as she crossed the room, noticing improvement since just yesterday. His eyes also took in other revelations as he watched her hips sway. Her sleeping attire was a lavender ribbed tank pajama top with matching bottoms that had a pastel swirls pattern. A rush of warmth flushed through him as he took in the form fitting attire and then heat rushed through his face and loin as another detail registered. She was wearing the pajamas and nothing else. Somehow, he found that small detail to be tantalizing. Breathing became difficult as he tried to rein in his suddenly rampant libido. _Must be healing,_ he thought. _But it's still too soon…_

Eying her appreciatively, he watched as she made her way back after finishing in the bathroom. "What?" she asked as she reacted to his look.

"Oh…uh, just…you're moving around better," he answered hurriedly, not wanting her to know where his thoughts really wanted to go.

"Yeah, I'm feeling stronger and things seem to work easier. But that's not what you were thinking…"

"I was," he insisted. "But also, I was thinking how much I like those pajamas on you," he grinned unabashedly.

She scowled playfully. "On me…or I think you would rather have them off?"

"Okay," he said putting up his hand defensively. "You caught me leering. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

She chuckled. "I um, I wish…but…" then looking at him intently, she collected her words. "I want to, Jim…to be with you. But if we…tried now…I think it wouldn't go well."

Letting go of a deep sigh, Jim's face settled into bitter sweetness as he looked at her. Then lifting his hand to her face, he pushed back a strand of hair that had fallen. He let his thumb linger on her cheek as he smiled at her warmly. "It will go fine, when you are ready. And as much as I'm feeling it right now, I don't think it would be a good idea for me either. My stitches probably couldn't handle the excitement."

Coquettishly, she looked away, almost blushing from his admission. Then her eyes settled on his shoulder. "Jim…what did you do?"

"What?"

"Your shoulder…the gunshot scar…what is that under it?" She leaned down, peering at it as he moved his arm and glanced down.

"Oh, yeah…that…"

"Yeah. Is that the…the day you got shot?" Astounded, she sounded incredulous.

"Yeah," he answered sheepishly. "I thought you'd seen it before."

"No, I…I guess my attention has been …elsewhere." He chuckled. "But why did you do that…have the date tattooed on your scar?"

Letting out an impatient huff, Jim tried to find words to explain what he'd felt after he was shot. "It was the dumbest thing I ever did…going into that room. And everyone was making such a big deal out of it …giving me an award and…well, all the playing me up as a hero or something. I wasn't a hero; I was just lucky…dumb lucky. If Gil hadn't made the right call on the surgery, I'd be a vegetable right now lying in some long care facility, or else six feet under. And I walked right into it, knowing it wasn't what I should do. I dunno, it just seemed like…I dunno," he shrugged. "The more everyone made of it, the worse I felt. And…while they were handing me plaques and shaking my hand and all…well, it was just stupid. So, I went to a tattoo parlor and got the date inked in…as a way of remembering the dumbest day of my life. I know it doesn't make any sense; it still doesn't to me, but somehow…it just seemed like the thing to do."

Catherine studied his face, his sadness bringing tears to her eyes. "I remember when your heart stopped…all of the doctors and nurses rushing in to revive you. My chest hurt, it scared me so bad. I thought…I thought that was it, we had lost you. And…well, it just hurt."

Cupping her face in his hand, he smiled. "But you didn't loose me…and now, I'm happier than I ever dreamed I could be." Sighing, he continued. "Sometimes while I was recovering, I wondered if it was all worth it. I mean, Ellie disappeared on me and there was so much pain…and the therapy was gruesome and…sometimes I wondered why I was doing it. It didn't seem like I really had that much to look forward to."

"Jim," she whispered, tears trickling down her face as she contemplated the depth of his sorrow.

"But look at me now," he said cheerfully, "I've got you. And that makes everything good."

Gingerly, she used her finger to trace the irregular circle left by the bullet. Then lovingly, she kissed it and then rested her head against his shoulder. Suddenly she sat up, eying his shirt. Jim looked at her thoughtfully, wondering what thoughts were running through her head now. She could zero in on tiny details and wouldn't let go, like a dog with a bone, until she'd gleaned every bit of information she could. What was she thinking now?

Her hand skimmed his shirt. Something in her actions made him wish that he'd put a shirt on over his undershirt, but with the stitches and the cast, shirts were difficult to manage. Slipping the undershirt over his head was about all he had wanted to deal with after Merry had redressed the stitches. But with the way she was running her hand over the ribs in the fabric and the speculative look that she was wearing, he was wishing he had more clothes on. If she kept this up, he was gong to have more than a little problem.

Her fingers worked their way down and then suddenly, she tugged on his tail and was pulling the shirt up. ""Catherine?" he blurted, surprised by her sudden movement. "I want it off," she said. His eyes grew large with surprise…and fear, if he was honest with himself. While he tried to keep in shape, age and gravity had done things and his body wasn't what it used to be. He wasn't sure if he was ready for that revelation just yet.

Her eyes widened as she brought the shirt up and pulled it over his head, carefully slipping it over his cast. Jim blushed as he sat there exposed. "My god, Jim…you're a beast," she said excitedly as she beheld his torso.

"I…um…what?" he exclaimed.

"I love a man with a hairy chest," she said hungrily.

Jim glanced down at his chest, groaning at the mat of mostly gray hair covering him. "You do? Even if it's gray…and…well, the chest isn't so…"

She ran her fingers through the mat playfully. Pure lust showed on her face as she processed the feel of him. Then looking into his eyes, her own twinkling, she grinned. "I like. Can't wait to find out about the rest…"

Swallowing hard, Jim grinned. "Why do I think I'm about to be ravished?"

Chuckling, she leaned in to kiss him. "Not now…but soon."

Her kiss was full of promise and fire, so much so that Jim had to pull away before it overwhelmed him. "Baby," he said throatily, "you keep that up and…I won't be responsible."

Fear struck in her eyes and she pulled away quickly. "I'm sorry…I…" her face crumpled and she began to cry.

"Catherine, it's okay," he said gently. "You're just…you were playing, I understand. It's just…I've wanted you for so long and…oh geez, I'd never…I mean, I wouldn't do anything to hurt you. You know that, don't you?"

"I know," she nodded tearfully. "But sometimes…things just scare me. And…I wasn't being fair to you, teasing you like that…"

"Hey, I like it when you tease me like that. It…does things to me…makes me feel…younger, more of a man, you know? I mean, it swells my head and my chest puffs up and …my heart rate jumps and…well," he blushed, "other parts of me get happy. I like feeling that. I like the way you make me feel. Damn woman, I know that you know what you do to a man."

A wicked grin creased her lips. "I do. And there's only one man I want to do it to. I just….I can't…follow through and that kind of scares me. And…the idea of being…intimate…after…what happened…"

"You don't have to be afraid, Catherine. I can wait. It's your call, when you're ready. But who do you think you're kidding? You love throwing your stuff around and seeing how many men take the bait. It's part of who you are. And I like watching you do it, so don't think you have to stop. Just as long as I'm the only one you're reeling in, I'm okay with it."

Catherine chuckled, in spite of her tears. "I am a flirt," she admitted. "I love seeing what it does to guys."

"It turns us to jelly," Jim said as he pulled her back to him. "And we like it."

_And it's maybe what got me…raped, _she thought as she nestled into him, seeking the safety he offered.


	20. Chapter 20

Don't want to spoil the fun but I have to say that I love it when you guys suggest things that I've already been thinking. I was actually constructing a certain scene when Yanukjc made a comment along the same lines, lol. Oddly, it helped me bring it into focus. So see, your comments do make a difference! And while I love all the praise and adoration, you guys also give me great ideas or help hone the ones I already have. And many thanks to those who reviewed even when I didn't grovel!

Ok, I always forget this and since I'm thinking it, I'll type it...I don't own it...nada....but if I did, oh the fun I would have with one certain character! Hmmm, maybe it is a good thing I don't own him, I mean the show, 'cause I'd wear him out, lol.

* * *

Sara glanced across at the clock on the nightstand. She would have to start getting ready for work soon but didn't want to leave the comfort of the bed…and him. His revelations during their talk had convinced her that it really was her that he wanted to be with. He'd been more open in their talk than he'd been in the last year and she felt she could trust him again…trust them and their relationship. And if she'd doubted the depth of his commitment before, the intensity of his love making erased it all. And so she remained wrapped in his arms, content.

Stan Kava, relying on the cover of darkness, moved from his hiding place and ran across the grass to a window. Using the butt of his gun, he broke the glass, reached in to unfasten the lock, and was inside quickly. Carefully he made his way through the room, glancing toward the opening to the hallway that led to the other part of the place. He grunted when his foot came into contact with a table leg and then looked up in fear as a large dog came barreling in from the hall, growling and barking.

Sara sat upright, fear jarring her out of her lethargic state. Gil was up in seconds, reaching into his drawer and pulling out the pistol he'd kept his after resigning from the lab. Glancing at Sara, he signaled for her to stay where she was and then made his way through the doorway into the hall. Not willing to let him go alone though, she picked up her weapon from the dresser as she followed him out of the room.

Stan Kava hustled back to the window and hurled himself through it as Hank followed, barking and snipping at the intruder. Kava shrieked as the boxer's teeth meet his ankle. Gil ran into the room, located Hank, and flew to the window in time to see Kava running through their neighbor's yard. Sara sighed beside him, wondering who the perp was.

A few minutes later at the safe house, Sam knocked on the bedroom door, waking Jim and Catherine. Jim trudged over and opened it, grunting at his detective. "Sorry," Sam said awkwardly. "But I just got a call from Ecklie. There was a break-in at Grissom's. We think it was Kava."

Jim frowned. "Gil's? Why would he go to Gil's?"

"He must have been watching Catherine and saw Grissom at her house. We think he was looking for information on Catherine when he broke in…or maybe he thought she was at his place."

"But there wasn't anything….right?"

"He never got a chance to look around. Grissom's dog apparently scared him off."

Jim let out a deep breath. "Okay, thanks."

"Yeah…and…sorry," he said glancing over at Catherine, who was sitting in the bed, looking stricken.

"Yeah, well…just keep me in the loop," Jim hurriedly replied.

"Sure," Sam said as he turned to walk away. Jim closed the door and walked back to the bed, running the information through his head, trying to understand what it meant. As soon as he sat down, Catherine was beside him, her fear palatable. Jim took her hand and held it, trying to be reassuring.

"Jim, what does it mean," she asked.

"I…don't know exactly. Sam's probably right; Kava probably thought you might be there or that Gil knows where you are."

"But…he doesn't, does he?"

"No. No one knows except Ecklie and the officers involved. I doubt that the uniforms outside even know _who_ they are protecting. We did have a unit put on Gil, though…just in case. I don't understand why they didn't respond."

Tears began to roll down her cheeks. "I just want this to be over," she cried. "I don't want anyone else to get hurt."

"Hey," Jim said soothingly. "Hey, it's going to be okay. It'll be over soon. He's shown himself and he'll do it again. We'll get him."

Catherine drew comfort from him, letting his strength envelop her. She could feel how tense he was and his anger seeped through his calm veneer. But she could feel his determination as well. And when Jim Brass was determined, things usually went his way. Letting out a deep sigh, Catherine sat up, moving away from him.

"What?" he asked.

"I …it's just…I'm turning into …I don't know…I feel so weak and helpless. I'm used to taking things on head on, not hiding behind others."

Jim chuckled. "Honey, right now you _are_ weak and helpless. And I'm not much better. I could probably shoot straight but anything physical and I'm a powder puff. And I don't think you could fire a weapon without falling down."

Catherine's smile was wane as she absorbed his words. "Yeah, but it still doesn't feel right."

"Look, Tony and Sam are good at what they do. I should know, I've taught them almost everything I know."

"Almost everything?"

"Yeah. You don't think I'd teach them everything, do you? If I did that, I'd be out of a job."

Catherine looked at him peculiarly. "Would that be so bad?"

"What? Me out of a job?" His surprise at her question showed on his face as well as in his voice.

"Yeah. I mean, you've been on the job long enough. You could retire."

Considering her statement, he twitched. "Yeah, I suppose. But, why? I mean, what am I gonna do…sit home and knit?"

She laughed. "You'd find something. Surely you have some hobbies…things you do when you aren't detecting?"

"Well, yeah…kind of. I um…" his face flushed, "like to do things around the house. And I read. I used to play hockey but after I got shot…well, I dunno, I just didn't do it anymore."

"Do things around the house?"

"Yeah, you know…projects. I made the third bedroom into a den and took the closet and made it built-ins…for the TV and stereo and all. And, I replaced all the flooring with hardwood. A few years ago, I built a deck out back and last year I put a pergola over it…for shade, you know. I enjoy sitting out there in the early morning or late evening. It's…nice."

"Yeah, quiet time before all the craziness starts. I sit on my patio sometimes with my coffee. I hate to admit it, but I've kind of enjoyed having some quiet time to myself since Lindsey went to college. All those years, I was either working or doing things for and with her. Never seemed to have time for me. Now I do" Catherine snickered at Jim's face as she finished. "Petulance doesn't suit you," she quipped.

"Well, I'm kind of wondering where I fit into all that 'me' time," he growled good- naturedly.

"Very nicely. After all, 'me time' is all about doing things that make me happy."

His eyes sparkled as they moved over her. "And I though I was the one going to be having all the fun…" His comment elicited a deep chuckle from Catherine, one that was throaty and seductive. She watched as his eyes changed, darkening with yearning.

"But back to our jobs," she said. "I…well, the Board of Directors for The Eclipse asked me if I would be interested in taking the reins, running the place… keeping it in the family. It' been a few months, but they haven't found anyone else and after all that's happened, I've kind of been thinking about it."

Jim looked thunderstruck. "You? Running The Eclipse? Really?"

"What? You don't think I could do it?" She sounded hurt by his response.

Lifting his hand, he began to stroke her face with his thumb. "Baby, I think you can do anything you set your mind to. You're one of the strongest women I know. I just…" he shrugged, "…following in Daddy's footsteps wasn't something I thought I'd ever see you do."

Catherine smirked. "Neither did I. But…more and more, I've had the feeling that there was unfinished business between me and Sam. And maybe…well, this could be a way to take care of that," she said reflectively.

"Then you should do it," he said plainly.

"Yeah, but…last night I was kind of thinking…and what if…well, I'll need people around me I can trust and…well, I was thinking it would be nice if…you could be my head of security," she finished coyly.

"Head of Security?" He looked a little taken aback. "You want me to come work for you?"

"Yeah, well…more like _with_ me." She looked at him searchingly. "Oh come on, it could be fun…"

Jim's brows furrowed as he tried to picture himself as the security chief at a casino…a very large casino. "Maybe…it's something to think about, I guess."

Content that the seed had been planted, Catherine let the subject drop. But she wasn't going to leave it long. He would be safe…they would both be safe. Well, safer than working for LVPD.

_You stupid bitch,_ Stan Kava thought as he made his way back to his latest hide-out, a run down basement apartment in an old section of town. _I'll find a way,_ he swore mentally as he tended to the wound inflicted by the dog. _You and that cop bastard are goin' down…_

After cleaning his ankle, he flopped in a chair in the tiny living room and turned on his equally tiny TV, looking for news about the bitch or maybe his attempt to find her.

Conrad Ecklie stood in the kitchen of Gil and Sara's condo watching as Gil covered the broken window with a board. The former supervisor had aged since leaving the department…or maybe because he had stayed too long. But when Sara walked into the room from the hallway and Gil sensed her, his face changed, losing some of the grief and worry that just moments ago had seemed etched into his features. Ecklie smiled at Sara.

She nodded and then walked to Grissom, putting her hands on his shoulders. "It'll be okay Babe," she said quietly. Gil nodded and patted her right hand. "Yeah."

"Look, I know you don't want to, but it's the only way we can keep everyone safe," Conrad said patiently. "I know you don't want anything to happen to Sara, Gil…"

"We could just go to a hotel," Gil answered.

"And we can't cover you there. Look, we're already stretched thin with everyone looking for this maniac. It'll be easier if we have all of you together in one house…"

Sara leaned close to her man. "It'll be okay, Gil. I can handle it…now that…we've talked," she whispered.

Looking into her eyes, he saw her conviction. "Okay then…I'm sorry."

"About what," she asked.

"That …I gave you any reason to …doubt."

"Look, if you two lovebirds are finished whispering sweet nothings to one another, we need to get moving," Ecklie growled sarcastically.

Reaching for the bag that Sara had put on the counter, Gil nodded. Then taking her hand in his free one, he led her out. Ecklie watched as they were put in a patrol car and driven away. Then turning to CSI Langston, he queried. "What did you find?"

"We have footprints around the window and a piece of glass with blood on it. Also, Sara was able to swab Hank's mouth and found a piece of skin. We'll run it against Kava's DNA."

"So, the dog did take a bite out of him?" In response, Ray Langston nodded conspiratorially.

There was some rearranging at the safe house. Sam and Tony moved their bags out and a cot was set up in the living room at the front of the house. They would take turns sleeping in there and the room they had used would house Gil and Sara. By the time the couple arrived, the bedroom was ready for them.

Jim watched warily as Gil walked in with Sara in tow. Catherine was sitting in the den and the smile that flashed on her face when the entomologist appeared, unsettled the detective. The flicker of discomfort that washed across Sara's face didn't comfort Jim at all. Jim watched as Gil greeted them and then glanced back at Sara. He was clearly uncomfortable as well.

"I um…I'll go put our things in our room," she said as she shouldered their bag. Sara smiled and took the smaller bag that he had carried in. Both men watched as Sara left the room and then their eyes met, the two sets of blue eyes dark with hostility. Jim smirked inwardly as Gil's eyes wavered and he looked away. Without a word a truce had been declared. Both men understood the accord that was struck. Catherine was Jim's woman now, no matter what had transpired in the past. Gil would keep his distance. The only outward indication was the slightest motion of Jim's head.

Catherine watched the two men with amusement as Jim staked his claim _Its like they're deciding who's the alpha dog in the pack…and Jim won, _she smiled inwardly. _Could almost see the hairs on his neck bristling, _she mused as she watched Jim step away. She knew that she would have to be careful around Gil for awhile until Jim was confident in their relationship. _And I know how to do that. I just don't know if I can…_


	21. Chapter 21

"Nick, good…you're here early," Conrad Ecklie said as he caught the CSI at his office door that night.

"Uh, yeah. With Catherine out and now Sara..," the Texan tried to respond.

"Right. And I have an assignment for your team tonight."

Nick looked at the Under-Sheriff, interested. "Okay."

"We found the car that Kava took when he broke away from DoC. I want you guys to go over it. Anything you can find might give us the break we need. This guy is a career criminal…and smart. He knows how to hide. We need a direction…"

"Yeah, okay. Yeah," Nick said, nodding in agreement. It would feel good to finally be able to do something to help. "Greg and I'll work it."

"You'll let me know what you find."

"As soon as we know…" Nick assured Ecklie.

As Jim lay in the bed, waiting for Catherine to finish her nighttime routine, he contemplated the day. It had been awkward at times but all in all co-habiting with Gil and Sara was going alright…once Jim had established his place with Catherine. He'd caught Sara looking a little green at times but both Gil and Catherine had been careful to keep a distance and never let themselves be alone in the room together. That bothered Jim in a way. They had been good friends for a long time. It was natural that they would have things to talk about…confide in each other about, maybe even share their happiness. But for now they seemed to be avoiding any semblance that they were involved.

Merry had suggested that his stitches had healed enough that he could try a shower. It had felt great to finally stand under the hot water and wash everything off, the attack, the hospital…all of it. Somehow it made him feel a little more worthy of Catherine. He grinned as he remembered the effort it took to cover his cast and make it waterproof. He'd held his arm up while Merry and Gil had wrapped a trash bag over it, sealing both ends. It was an exercise that they probably wouldn't repeat everyday, but it had been worth it in his mind.

He felt Catherine slide in the bed next to him. He'd been so pre-occupied with his thoughts that he'd barely noticed her coming in from the bathroom. Letting out a satisfied grunt, he fumbled for the lamp switched and turned it off. She snuggled into him as he settled back in the bed. Sheer happiness washed through him as he realized that this could be the routine for the rest of his life…him turning out the light and holding her the whole night. But he had to play his cards right.

Catherine curled next to him, her arm draping over his chest. "Mmmmm, you smell good," she purred.

"I hope so," he chuckled. "Better than before anyway," he concluded.

"Nice and clean…" she hummed. They lay together silently, contentedly.

Catherine was lulled by the sound of his heartbeat. He had a nice strong, rhythmic beat that she found comforting. His arm was around her, his hand on her arm, his thick fingers tracing lazy designs on her skin. Jim could be so rough at times, she thought, and yet he has the gentlest touch…sweet really. A slow grin grew in her as she realized what his touch was doing to her. Maybe she _could_ put him at ease about their relationship.

Jim could feel her relaxing in his grasp. It felt powerful for him to be able to do that for her. He liked that. But then her fingers began to move over his shirt, tracing the neckline, almost tickling his chest. She ran her fingers under the fabric, snaking them over to his shoulder and then bringing them down to rest over his nipple. _God does she know what she is doing to me, _he wondered as he squirmed, heat running up his spine. She readjusted her head, nuzzling into him more as her fingers began to tease. _Oh shit, she has to know…but what do I do?_

Catherine could feel his uneasiness and it tickled her. Suddenly feeling very playful, she decided to make a game of it. Just as his heart rate began to slow and he seemed to be settling back down, she nestled into his neck and began to peck lightly, gently working her way towards his ear. She felt, as well as heard, the low rumble that erupted from him. "Not that I'm complaining," he grumbled, "but um…do you realize what you are doing?"

The evil giggle that came from her told him that she did. _So is she telling me that she's ready? And if she is…am I?_

Catherine began to toy with his earlobe, sending him into overdrive. He tried to contain the building fire within him but she continued fuel the flames. "Catherine," he choked out. "Hmmm?" She replied.

"Are you …um….is this…are we…"

"Uh hum…" she murmured as she nibbled his ear.

"Oh…I um….I'm not sure…I mean…I haven't taken…junior out for a test drive yet. I don't…" His words were cut short by her attack on his lips. Her kiss was fevered and impatient. When she released his lips, she cooed. "It'll be fun to find out, don't you think?" Her tone was sultry and taunting. Jim gasped as his entire body shuttered.

It didn't take Jim long to process her words and her actions. And then he went into action, his body responding to hers. He needed to be careful, he realized, and let her take the lead. As much as he wanted her, he didn't want her mind reverting to the attack. So he held back, forcing himself to simply answer her moves. It was sweet agony from his point of view. He did let his hands wander, seeking skin, rubbing and squeezing as he went, relishing the feel of her, and cataloguing each new discovery. His pride swelled as he felt her respond to him. And then his mood plummeted. His body was on fire everywhere, except where it mattered the most. Junior was not co operating.

Catherine sensed his let down. "Jim?" She asked softly.

"I don't think…" he began woefully.

"Probably all the meds…" she said, sympathetically.

"Yeah," he grumbled. "And …I did loose a lot of blood, the doc said."

He heard her wicked giggle again. "There are other ways to please a woman, you know?"

Jim swallowed, trying not to over react and turn this into something they'd both regret. "Diamonds?" he asked innocently.

Her quiet laugh eased his anxiety. "Uh…well, that is one way. But that wasn't the kind of…pleasure I was thinking of."

Jim grinned in the dark, imagining her salacious expression. "Yeah, but I prefer the real thing," he countered.

"And that would be…?"

"Me buried in you," he answered huskily.

She sighed wistfully. "Yeah…"

"So maybe we could just settle for some, I dunno, heavy petting?"

Her chuckle was throaty and seductive. "Very heavy…" He heard her take a deep breath. "How about," she said as her fingers traced a circle on his chest, "we just keep going and…wherever it takes us, that's where we go?"

"And if I can't go where you want me to?"

"It'll give me something to look forward to," she answered seriously. "I want you, Jim. I want…the closeness that comes with this. I want us so close we can't tell where one ends and the other begins."

_This just keeps getting better,_ Jim thought as he pulled her tight against him. "I want that too," he agreed. "But I also want our first time to be good."

"You and me…we'll always be good together," she said as her fingers went to work again.

In the CSI garage, Greg was scanning the surface of the metal on the car. Nick was inside, going over the interior carefully. Prints were everywhere. Nick was meticulous as he lifted each one and carefully put them away for Mandy to compare to Kava's. Nick also found blood.

"Hey Nick, check this out," Greg Sanders called from the rear back tire. Nick climbed out of the car and moved to where Greg was kneeling. Greg looked up at him. "We have yellow paint. I think it's the kind they use on the streets."

"Yeah, that's good … get a sample to Hodges. If it is, then we can look for the places they've been painting lines…maybe that'll help us located where he's hiding this time." Nick left Greg to his task and climbed back inside the car to continue his search.

Stan Kava was awake late into the night as well. _I need money, _he thought. _The money that the old man had on him when I killed him is running out. Have to be careful…they're looking for me. _He sat in the darkness of his dingy apartment as he considered his options.

The next morning, Jim observed the confined group as they ate around the breakfast table. Merry was proving to be an invaluable part of the group, acting as nurse, cook, maid, and friend. From the expression on her face as she served everyone their eggs, she was enjoying the task.

Glancing across at Sam Vega, Jim took pity. The guy was totally committed to family and he hadn't seen his in a few days. The phone calls to his wife were getting more and more frequent and the detective looked generally miserable. Tony Vartann just looked bored.

A quick perusal of Sara told him that whatever differenced she and Grissom had when they arrived had been smoothed over. She was radiant. And as Jim watched Grissom surreptitiously, he knew why. The guy looked happily exhausted. Jim snickered to himself as he saw Gil glance over at Sara with a sappy expression that only a man in love who was completely sated wore. Briefly, Jim wondered if he was wearing the same expression as his eyes finally settled on the woman who held his heart.

Catherine was animated and happier than he'd seen her in…what months…years even? Her face was glowing, her eyes alive and sparkling. And he had done that…he fought back his glee, afraid that he might do something stupid like giggle because he was equally happy. _Have a brutal killer after us and we're all in lockdown and you're sitting here, shit faced giddy over the woman…You're losing it tough guy. Have to get it together… _But his mental warning couldn't squelch the joy that swelled within him.

For a split second he let sensations from the previous night flash through him. They had continued their make out session until Junior had begun to respond. It hadn't been his best performance, but it had been enough. More importantly, he had been able to give Catherine what she seemed to need. Warmth spread over his body as the sounds of her pleasure rang in his ears. Self consciousness crept into his thoughts and he knew his face must be red from the intensity of what he was feeling. He felt, rather than saw, Catherine perusing him from his left. He knew without looking that she was wearing a self satisfied smirk. He struggled to keep his at bay.

Conrad Ecklie sat at his desk, reading Nick's report. _Waiting…still waiting …maybe we'll have the lab results soon._ His phone rang and putting the report down, he answered. Smugness covered his face as he ended the call. There had been robbery in the early hours of the morning. The M.O. had Kava all over it. CSI dayshift and one of his best daylight detectives were all over it. Maybe there would be new clues.

"I have good news," Merry announced a few hours later.

"Oh?" Jim asked.

"I just got off the phone with your doctor. He wants me to take the stitches out. You still need to take it easy for a few more weeks, but if you're careful, the wound shouldn't give you anymore trouble." Jim felt his ears turning red as Catherine giggled at the take it easy comment. "Um…yeah, that's good," he agreed as he tried to ignore Catherine's little outburst.

Turning her attention to the red head, Merry smiled. "And I talked with your doctor as well. He is very pleased with your progress. Says he doesn't see a need for more physical therapy."

"Good," giggled Catherine. "So, I'm free to so whatever I feel like doing?" Jim snorted at that and shot her a look that said 'as if you haven't already."

Merry smiled as she watched the two. They were flirting outrageously, their eyes giving away the previous night's activity. She'd been awakened by the sounds of them finally consummating the feelings that obviously been growing between them. She remembered how hurt Jim had been when she'd first met him, less than two weeks before. _Those two have been on quite a roller coaster ride,_ she thought. It was good that they were getting to enjoy the high. It was surprising to her that either had been able to fully participate, given what they had just been through. She suspected that neither of their doctors would have approved and so she'd left that out of her routine reports.

* * *

I tried not groveling and the reviews dropped off drastically. Wonder if there is a corelation? The ones that did take the time to review were very supportive and full of great comments so I can't complain, I guess. (Whine but not complain, right? LOL) Anyway, I hope you like the way this is going:-) Let me know....


	22. Chapter 22

"Look, we've tossed this around," Conrad Ecklie said into his phone, "and the Sheriff thinks this is the best avenue…" He listened to the voice on the other end of the phone as he watched Nick Stokes walk into his office. "Yeah, I understand the risk, but we have to catch this guy. And it really doesn't matter what you think or even what I think, the Sherriff has made his decision." Ecklie ended the call and hung up his phone. He took a deep breath before looking up at Stokes. "What do you have for me?"

Nick slid a folder onto his desk. "The blood and skin sample were Kava's, like we thought. Greg and I went over the car; not a lot there but Kava's prints were all over it. Greg found yellow paint that Hodges determined was the kind they use to paint lines on the streets. Greg is following up with the streets people to find out where they've been painting lately. As for the robbery last night; Kava's prints were on the knife. The vic isn't conscious yet, so no one's been able to interview him. According to family members, he kept large stashes of money in the backroom of the store and that is missing. Vic's son estimates 8 to 10 thousand dollars went missing."

Ecklie listened as he also scanned the various test results and reports in the folder. "Yeah, okay. Listen this is about to get even crazier. The Sheriff has decided to do a press conference and turn up the heat on Kava. He's going to put everything out there and ask for help from the public. We're going to be slammed with false sightings…"

"Uh, okay…why?"

"I think…well, he's feeling pressured to get this guy. People are already nervous about Kava's escape from the prison van and now…well, we can't keep letting this guy commit crimes all over the city." Ecklie's assessment sounded less than convincing.

"Yeah, well, I'll see what I can do to help Greg with the paint; maybe put Hodges or Wendy on it with him. We're stretched pretty thin though; you have anybody that can help out?"

Conrad sighed. "I'll see what I can do but no promises. We're all stretched pretty thin."

"Okay…thanks." And CSI Nick Stokes disappeared out of his office. As he watched the CSI leave, Under-Sheriff Ecklie let out a groan. Things were tough and it was about to get a lot worse.

In his tiny apartment, Stan Kava counted the money. _Eighty five hundred and change…should hold me for a little while. Have to get out of here though…stayed too long in one place. _Looking around, he packed the few things he wanted to take with him into a backpack and headed out.

_Need fresh clothes…_He knew of a thrift shop near the apartment and headed that way. Inside, he found a couple pairs of pants and three shirts. He also decided on a new pair of shoes, since they probably had his footprints with the old ones. He dumped them in the trash as he walked out. Within a few hours, he had relocated to a new apartment; equally dingy and unobtrusive…well off the beaten path. _I'll hold up here for a few days before I try again,_ he decided as he unpacked his new clothes and a few groceries he'd picked up along the way. _Need to find a TV though to keep up with the news. _

"Mom, can we talk?" Lindsey asked as she knocked on the bedroom door. Catherine was curled in the bed, reading a book that Merry had brought but finished. Looking over the top, she smiled at her daughter and nodded. "We really haven't had too much time for that, have we?"

Lindsey trudged into the room and settle don the end of the bed. Glancing around, she seemed to be looking for something. "You need something?" Catherine asked. The teen's face blushed a little. "No…I um…it's just strange…"

Instantly Catherine understood. "Jim?"

"Well…yeah. I mean…I know you've gone out with other guys and you and Tony were seriously dating and all but…being here with you and him…in here…together…"

"…is kind of weird," her mother finished for her. "Honey, I know this kind of came out of left field for you but …I guess it's been a long time coming for me. Jim and I …we've always had something there…between us. We tried to treat it like simple friendship but…it never really felt quite that simple. And over the last couple of years, it's…grown. And with what happened, I wish you could have seen how hard he fought to protect me…"

"So you're doing this because…you're grateful?"

"No. But it told me how much he cares about me…and I …couldn't ignore that. And after… I was so scared, still am. He makes me feel safe."

"How? I mean, he was there when you got attacked in the first place."

"Yeah, but I know he'll protect me or die trying. There're not many people who would do that; I've never had that before except maybe…Sam. Look, Jim's…solid, not like most of the other guys I've ever dated."

"You mean…like Dad."

"Well, him too. But I don't want to make this about Eddie's shortcomings. Things were messed up but…I did love him for a long time and I'll always love him because he gave me you," she smiled at her daughter.

Lindsey grew pensive. "Okay, I guess. I…don't really know this one, so…I'll give it a chance."

"Thanks."

"But that wasn't really what I came to talk about anyway. I um…well, I need to get back to school. I've taken all the time off I can. Most of my professors have been understanding but if I miss anymore…"

"Yeah, I get it. Let me talk to the guys, see what we can come up with to get you out of here."

Lindsey smiled. "Thanks Mom," she said as she bounced off the bed and headed out.

Meanwhile, Jim and Sara were sitting at the kitchen table, talking over mugs of coffee. "So, you and Grissom found your way back to each other," he queried.

"We did," she answered confidently. "I think…no, I know he and Catherine had some unresolved feelings and…it scared me."

"Yeah," Jim said blankly.

Sara looked at him narrowly. "You knew?"

Regret marred the smirk that formed on his face as he considered his answer. "I watched them dance around each other for years, almost like he danced around you. They would spar and lunge and then back away. It didn't matter to me that he loved her; hell, I couldn't hold that against him, I …well, it was understandable. But it…kinda hurt that she loved him too. And sometimes I just wanted them to get it over with, commit or …I dunno, have a huge fight and hate each other. But as long as they kept a distance, I kept up this kind of…hopeless hope. You know?" His smile was half hearted. "And then you came along and…he seemed…I mean, it took forever," he chuckled, "but you stole his heart. Still, there was a part of him that couldn't let go of her. And she…I don't think she even realized how she felt until he left." He shrugged, "And then I was fighting a ghost, it seemed. But slowly, she let go and I began to hope again."

"Until I showed up here. Then you knew he was free again."

"Well, kind of…but she was involved with Vartann by then anyway. How was I going to compete with that? I mean, he's younger, better looking…well, you get the picture."

Sara smiled reassuringly. "Yeah, well…he may be younger but you have a certain charm. It is pretty obvious that beneath all that crustiness is a really tender man."

Jim smirked. "Don't let the crooks hear you say that."

"I'm serious."

"Yeah, well, I notice you didn't say he isn't better looking…"

Sara laughed. "Well, there are more than a few women around PD that get all excited when you loosen your tie and start to unbutton your shirt. They're hoping you'll just keep going 'cause they want a glimpse of what lies beneath..."

Jim sputtered. "They must have sad lives…"

Chuckling Sara continued, "I think…it's all in what you are looking for in a man. And I think when Catherine looks at you, she sees…"

"What," he asked as his dark blues bored into her.

"Eros," she answered.

Eyes wide and the tips of his ears bright red, Jim stared at her stunned. Sara giggled. "Why are you surprised?"

"Uh…no one's ever compared me to a Greek god before," he choked out, "especially that one…" And then his brow furrowed. "Wait, isn't he Cupid in Roman God lore?"

Sara giggled. "Yes. What, you don't think it fits?""

Jim looked down at his physique. "Do I look like a cherub?" Then looking back to her, he quipped, "so I guess Gil is who …Apollo?"

Sara's face settled into a soft glow. "More like…Adonis," she said lovingly.

Tenderness covered Jim's face. "He's a lucky man." Her dark eyes met his as she responded. "And Catherine is a very lucky woman."

Suddenly uncomfortable with the turn of the conversation, Jim cleared his throat. "So, you going to stay or go back with him, after this I mean…"

"We haven't really talked about it…"

"Yeah," he said thoughtfully as he stared into his mug, remembering Catherine's suggestion about The Eclipse.

Stan Kava watched the evening news with interest as the Sheriff showed photos of him and described the brutal murder that had brought him to the attention of LVPD in the first place. "… And he's also implicated in brutal attacks on CSI Willows and LVPD Captain Brass. He's also suspected in the murder of the guards that were taking him to prison and also of the driver of the car he stole in his get away. There is also the beating and robbery of the Corner Store last night," the Sheriff concluded. "If anyone had any information that might help apprehend this criminal, we ask that you call the number that's showing on the screen now." Stepping aside the Sheriff motioned his Under Sheriff forward. "I'll turn the particulars of the case over to Under Sheriff Ecklie," he said. Conrad Ecklie stepped forward and began answering questions.

Kava watched with interest. _I've seen him…he was talking to that other guy, the one that was at the bitch's house. Maybe he knows where they are…_

At the safe house, the group watched. "Great," Jim groaned as the press conference ended. "Just made things harder for the guys at the station," commiserated Sam. Catherine shifted uncomfortably in her chair as she realized that this wasn't going to end anytime soon.

A few minutes later, Tony Vartann came through the back door. "Its okay, Catherine," he said as he looked at her. "Lindsey is on the plane and headed back to school." Her sigh revealed the relief she felt at having her daughter out of this mess. Jim watched from his place across from her and smiled. At least something was going right for her.

Later that night at the lab, Greg sat in front of a computer screen, comparing the information he had gathered. After considering his options, he circled one area on his map and then, taking the map with him, went in search of Nick.

"I think I've narrowed it to one area," Greg told the senior CSI. "Streets Department have been painting in an area from North Las Vegas Boulevard west to Main street and Bonanza north to East Washington." He showed the map to Nick with the area circled.

"Okay, this is good…get it over to PD and let search the area. If Kava has been hiding there, someone's sure to have seen something." Pleased with his results, Greg headed for PD. Finally they had a lead…

* * *

Thanks for the great response to the last chapter! It made me focus so much better on the ongoing story. I hope you are pleased:-) Still more come...


	23. Chapter 23

I've been thinking a bout the Postal Service lately...neither snow nor rain, etc... My take on it is, neither rain nor floods, nor fires, brochitis, loss of internet service, or the death of a wicked step mother can keep me from this story...

I hope you enjoy. Please leave a comment or two. I could use the boost right now.

* * *

The predictions of massive overload as the result of the press conference were proving true. Jim began to grumble as Sam described the confusion as detectives tried to sort through the information that was coming in. "Ortega said he's chased six different false leads today already," Sam groused.

Jim pulled out his cell phone, pushed a button and waited for an answer. "Yeah, Conrad, it's Brass…" He listened and then grimacing he nodded. "Yeah, but I thought…since there are so many calls maybe we could help field some of them?"

"Yeah, I agree…Catherine needs to stay here. She's …still healing anyway. But I could…and maybe Gil and Sara," he suggested.

He listened again and then shook his head. "No, no…uniforms could bring us over. Sam and Tony would stay here with Catherine." He huffed as he listened to Ecklie's next response. "Okay, okay, yeah….we don't want him following us back here. Okay, I get it. I just thought…"

Listening again, a scowl formed on his face. "Yeah, well…you try just sitting here and doing nothin' while everybody else is out there putting it on the line for you," he snarled into the phone. "Yeah, right…sit tight."

The group had watched his attempt to get himself back in the middle of the investigation and all stifled grins as they watched the detective fume over Ecklie's denial of his request. It was Gil that gave it the perfect analogy. "So, stuck in the penalty box, Jim?" he smirked.

Jim grumbled as he shot the former CSI a heated glance before he stormed out of the room. Catherine sighed and followed, somewhat gingerly. He was in their bathroom, splashing cold water on his face and growling. "Jim?"

He looked at her sheepishly. "Sorry about that," he said meekly. She stepped towards him, took the towel from his hand, and began dabbing his face dry. "Its how we all feel cooped up here. You just tried to do something about it. Nothing wrong with that."

He let out a deep sigh. "Yeah." Then looking into her eyes he smiled. "You always do that for me, you know?"

"Do what?"

"Make me feel better."

She smiled and leaned in for a kiss; one that he happily returned.

Sitting in his dingy apartment and bored, Stan Kava had invented a new game. He was calling PD about every half hour with a new tip. He hadn't talked to the same person twice, so he wasn't afraid of having his little game discovered yet. During the times between his calls, his mind was working on a plan, however. As the press conference replayed on the late news, his ideas came into focus. He smiled malevolently as he watched Conrad Ecklie answer another question. _Soon you bitch…very soon._

The next night, he hid in the parking garage and waited. The slender form with the balding head and hawkish face appeared just after dark, heading for a nearby sedan. As Ecklie fumbled with his keys, Kava emerged from his hiding place and grabbed the Under-Sheriff from behind. In little more than a second, he had Ecklie subdued and was pulling him into a car. Once the target was in the car, Kava used zip ties to tie his victim up, effectively hog tying him in the back seat. A strip of duct tape over the man's mouth succeeded in ensuring quiet. Kava simply laughed as he saw the fear in the other man's eyes.

They were in Kava's new hiding place within minutes and the killer lost no time in securing the Under-Sheriff to a chair. Then ripping the tape off the man's mouth, he began to question.

To Ecklie's credit, he wasn't readily forthcoming with the information that the criminal was after. It took over two hours of first threats and then torture that slowly built to become unbearable. But by the time the Graveshift was heading into work, Conrad Ecklie had revealed the location of their Supervisor, co worker, Detective Captain, and former Supervisor. Kava left his victim unconscious, still tied to the chair that held him through his torture. The night was just beginning, really, and there was more evil to be done that night.

The occupants of the Safe House had finished their evening meal and most were heading for bed. Sam would take the first watch and Vartann would get a few hours sleep. He checked briefly with the units outside before turning in. Merry retired to her room to finish another romance novel that she'd brought with her. Gil followed Sara up the steps and the couple disappeared into their room. Jim followed Catherine as she limped to their room. She was tired, he could tell. She was probably spending too much time up and moving, something he meant to address the next morning. But for now, he intended to hold her all night.

Kava waited in the shadows until he heard the officer respond to his periodic check in and then made his move. Easing up behind the car, he crouched low and crawled up beside the unit until he stood next to the window, reaching in and grasping the officer's neck he held his hand over the man's mouth until he passed out. Then he quickly tapped his mouth shut and his wrists to the steering wheel. He repeated the exercise on the second unit as well. Then carefully, he made his way to the house. Pulling a small tool out of his pocket, he had the lock picked in seconds and soon was inside the back door. Giving his eyes a minute to adjust, he calculated his next move.

Surveying the room, he heard sounds from a room down the hall and saw light. Peeking around the corner, he saw the cop watching TV. Quietly, he moved down the hall and quickly checked the living room and then peeked eased up to a closed door. Carefully, he turned the knob. A smile crept over him as he saw two occupants asleep in the bed. Softly taking two steps into the room, he grinned as the moonlight revealed the identification of the couple. _The bitch and the cop…together; how sweet…_

Something woke Jim; he would never know what exactly. But the hairs on the back of his neck warned him of emanate danger. He slid his hand under his pillow and wrapped his fingers around his weapon. Contemplating how he was going to move quickly enough, especially with Catherine half wrapped around him, he prepared to move. He wasn't quick enough.

Kava slammed into him as he started to sit up. It knocked Jim back his hand dropping the gun. Catherine woke, gasping in surprise. Kava laughed. Jim pushed back into him, butting his head into the attackers mid section, knocking him backwards long enough for Jim to get up. Now standing, he was in a better position to take on the assailant. Catherine started to get up as well when her hand landed on Jim's gun.

Recovering from Jim's push, Kava charged back towards the detective, grunting as he made contact. He'd wanted to do this quietly, without alerting the rest of the house; but the cat was out of the bag, he deduced, so he pulled his gun out of his pocket.

Catherine saw the moonlight on the barrel of Kava's pistol and raised Jim's. Jim lunged at Kava, trying to stay between him and Catherine. Just as he made contact, Catherine fired at Kava and then screamed when she realized Jim had moved into her line of fire. Jim grunted as he fell into Kava's body and they both twisted as Kava tried to push Jim off. Catherine fired again as Jim fell to the floor. Sam and Tony barged into the room just in time to see their captain falling and Kava double over and fall as well.

Tony turned on the light to reveal Stan Kava lying on the floor in a rapidly expanding pool of blood. Jim was next to him, half sitting and clutching at his leg. Catherine's aim had been low and Jim snickered as he realized where Kava was wounded. "Payback with you is brutal," he said as he held his leg. The two other detectives looked pale as the damage registered. Just then, Merry broke through the men at the door, running to see if she could do anything for the injured men. "He's dead," she pronounced after a brief examination of Kava and then she turned her attention to Jim.

Jim clenched his jaw as he felt Catherine slide on the floor next to him. Sam and Tony looked at each other and Tony left, Jim assumed it was to call Ecklie. "Oh god," Catherine whispered as she began to shake at the sight of his blood. With one last quick glance down at Kava, Jim called Sam over to take her out of the room.

The look of panic on her face tore at Jim as he watched her being led away. "I'll be okay baby," he told her as he watched her disappear through the doorway, crying.

Within minutes the house was full of people. Merry was explaining Jim's wound to a paramedic while another one was double checking Kava. Jim grimaced as the paramedic cut away his pants to reveal where the bullet had hit him. "Looks like it is mostly flesh," the medic said. "That's lucky. Doesn't seem to have hit any major arteries, but I'm sure they'll look at it closer at the hospital. For now, we'll just get a compress on it and some fluids going and then load you up for transport."

Jim nodded, relieved that it seemed to be a light wound. He didn't want a long recovery and even more, he didn't want Catherine feeling guilty.

She came back in the room as they loaded him onto a gurney and began to apologize. Jim laughed and tried to reassure her, but she was frantic. To his chagrin, the IA guys showed up and wanted to question her. "But I want to go to…"

"You need to come with us, Ms. Willows," one of them told her. "You can visit him later."

Jim wanted to tell the guy to back off, but he had his own IA asshole to deal with. One had attached himself to Jim's side and it seemed he was planning on going to the hospital. Jim glared at the man and the medic picked up on the tension. "I think it would be better if you rode in your own vehicle," the medic said. "His blood pressure is still off and we're trying to get it under control," he said as he winked at the police captain.

The Internal Affairs officer grunted but acquiesced and let the medic load Jim into the ambulance. The last thing he saw before they closed the doors was Catherine standing on the porch, crying as she watched.

Thankfully, the uniforms in the units outside were unharmed. Each had come around after a few minutes but had been helpless with their hands taped to the steering wheel. Still, they would have some explaining to do, if not to IA then to their Captain.

The ER doctor gave Jim a disapproving look as he took in Jim's arm, still in a cast, and then began checking the gunshot wound. "You know, we don't need you coming in once a month to keep us in business," the doctor said sarcastically, "we have plenty to deal with already." Jim glared at the man but said nothing. A nurse showed up with another bag for his IV, this time antibiotics and then she shot something into his IV, and slowly the pain began to ebb. He tolerated the doc's poking and probing and also some x-rays, before the wound was pronounced "clean" and they stitched him up.

"So, I can go home?" Jim asked hopefully.

"In a day or two," the doctor answered. Jim was beginning to dislike the man. He wanted out of the hospital, wanted to see about Catherine.

She showed up a few hours later, still apologetic and looking like hell. Jim felt bile rise in his throat as he took in her disheveled, anguished look. IA had done a number on her on top of the guilt she was already feeling for shooting him. She stood in the doorway, looking like a scared rabbit ready to bolt. But seeing her was like water after a day in the desert. "Hey Baby," he said softly. "You gonna stand there all day or come be nice to me?" Letting an impish grin play across his face, he held out his hand.

She was across the room in a flash, her hand grabbing his before she collapsed into him. "I'm so sorry," she cried.

"Nothing to be sorry for. If you hadn't fired when you did, we'd probably both be dead. You did what you had to do, Honey. And I'm really going to be okay," he said soothingly. It didn't seem to comfort her much but he felt some of her tension wash away. Finally she spoke quietly. "I…don't know how I would…how…if I had …killed you, it would have been…"

"Well, you didn't. And I plan on dying in my bed, a very happy old man who's still getting it on with his woman," he said with a twinkle in his eyes.

She looked up at him, surprise in her features. "You asking me to marry you?"

Jim looked into her serious cyan colored eyes and smiled. "What if I am?"

* * *

(She grins evily) Another little cliffy, lol....


	24. Chapter 24

Catherine starred at him, her eyes huge. Jim smirked. Finally, she seemed to collect her thoughts and answered his question. "This is still so new…I mean, we just…I am just figuring things out. And …I'm still…I'm…"

Jim grinned nervously. "…confused?"

"Ah, yeah…kind of. I mean, I…think I know how I feel about you but…"

"…but you aren't sure where you want it to go…"

"I um…it's just too soon."

His fingers played in her hair as he looked into her eyes. "Take all the time you need. But remember …I'm not getting any younger," he said softly. "I just …well, now you know my intentions."

He watched as her eyes watered and he felt guilty for pushing her. _I just thought that with the last few days…it seemed maybe she felt the same as me…have to give her a little space…_His mood darkened as his thoughts rolled through him. He felt tightness in his chest and it seemed everything in him suddenly went limp. _I don't know what I'll do if she…if I was wrong about her feelings for me. What if she really doesn't love me?_

Her eyes moved from his face and down his body, focusing on the sheet where it covered his leg. Understanding dawned in Jim and let go of to pull the sheet away and let her see the bandages. "It really will be okay. It was a through and through and missed anything major. The flesh just needs to heal."

"But you were bleeding…there was so much blood... too much."

Jim shrugged. "Maybe. But they gave me some fresh blood. I'm feeling better already. Honey, I really don't want you beating yourself over this. I meant what I said, we wouldn't be alive if you hadn't done what you did."

The tears began to flow in earnest. Jim watched her carefully, trying to decipher what was behind them. _Is it guilt…relief…or does she realize she doesn't love me and she feels trapped?_

She fought to recover and then wiping her tears away from her face, she straightened up and looked at his face again. "I'm sorry," she whispered desperately and then fled from the room.

"Catherine," he called after her and then cursed because he couldn't follow. Staring at the door, he frowned. "What was that all about?"

It was two days before he was released, just as the doctor had predicted. He was able to walk, although it hurt and his pace was slow. Thankfully, he was able to use a cane for added support. He groused as he climbed out of Nick's car and walked up his walk to his front door. He must be quite a sight for the neighbors, he mused, with his arm in a cast and walking with a cane. Nick was right behind him, ready to lend assistance Jim needed to so this on his own. He needed to feel independent; since Catherine hadn't come back and it appeared that he would be alone for the rest of his life.

Nick had tried to explain that she was really upset, scared even, he had clarified. "She just needs some time," he'd said sympathetically. Jim had grunted, not sure he was buying Nick's line. But it wasn't like he had any choice.

Once inside, Jim sank into a chair, suddenly tired. "So how's Ecklie?" he asked the younger man, more for something to say than real concern.

Nick grinned. "You know, I used to think of him like a weasel, but now…I think more like a rabbit."

Jim smirked. "Crime got too close to him, huh?"

"Yeah," Nick snickered. "Mitch said that by the time they got to him, he'd wet his pants. He was pretty beaten up though," Nick added somberly. "He was how Kava knew where you were. Ecklie admitted it. But after I saw how beat up he was…anybody would have given in," Nick said sadly with a shrug.

"Yeah, Kava had a mean streak," Jim grumbled. "I've felt Conrad's pain."

"He says he'll be back on Monday."

Jim nodded. "Good." He didn't ask about Catherine. He had asked for two days and knew Nick would have nothing to add… not that he had much to say in the first place. Ray Langston had dropped by the hospital and had shed the most light on her mood. "It scared her, Jim. She thought she'd killed you. And even though he was brutal, killing Kava is weighing on her. Give her a few days and I'll take you to see her myself," he concluded.

"Don't have much choice," Jim had snapped. He wanted to see her, needed to touch her, feel her presence again. After the last few amazing weeks, he was feeling pretty lonely. Despair was becoming his closest companion. After the sunlight and warmth that was Catherine, his life seemed bleak. Looking into the future was unbearable.

After a week of merely existing, it was Gil that called him on it. He'd had plenty of visitors and they'd all left sad and wishing they could do something to help. But it was the usually clueless one that honed in on his mood. "Jim, do something. You tried to tell me that about Sara and I ignored you. Look at how many months of depression and quiet desperation I went through because I ignored a friend's good advice."

"What advice was that?" Jim asked trying to remember what he'd told the broken hearted supervisor after Sara had left.

"You prodded me to find out where she was…implying that I should be there. Catherine said it bluntly, saying I had plenty of vacation and I should use it to go after her."

"I know where she is," Jim said glumly.

"Physically. But where is she emotionally? Maybe she's as miserable as you are."

"She needs space. It's too much for her…with everything that happened."

Gil sat mutely for a moment, his eyes taking on that far away look that said he was thinking. "Maybe seeing you on your feet will help. Maybe she can get past shooting you if she sees that you are healing."

"But I told her…"

"And she knows people lie. Evidence doesn't. Show her the evidence, Jim."

Life began to stir in him again. "You'll drive me over…now?"

"Well," Gil drawled as his eyes glanced over his friend. "Maybe you should freshen up some. You um…don't look so good."

Jim scowled. "Why all this advice? I thought you lo…"

"A part of me will always love Catherine. But you are better suited for her. I've always heard that opposites attract and it's true, like poles on a magnet. But…life with Catherine will always be…eventful. I need peace. You have the temperament to balance her…drama. I would only irritate her after a while and I want her to be happy. These last couple of weeks, in spite of everything, she was happy…with you."

An hour later, Jim was standing on her front porch. Gil had pulled into her drive and waited as Jim got out. Jim looked back at Gil when he realized his friend wasn't getting out. "I'm not staying," Gil smirked. "If I leave, then she has to let you in to at least call a cab."

Jim eyebrow's lifted briefly as a small grin worked at the corners of his mouth. "I never thought of you as being this devious," he said feeling like he was in high school again.

"I have learned a few things over the past few years…" and putting his car in reverse, he pulled away and headed down the street, leaving Jim to his fate.

He'd stood on her porch a full five minutes before ringing her bell. The lump in his gut told him that his courage had left with Gil and now he was stuck. Finally, he mustered enough to dive in the deep end and his finger reached for the button.

Catherine looked shocked when she opened the door. "Jim," she exclaimed.

"Hi ya beautiful," he said with a big smile that he wasn't feeling.

That seemed to relax her somewhat. "You lost?" she asked in an amused tone.

"I've missed you…thought I'd come see how you are doing."

"You didn't drive, did you," she asked as her eyes scanned her driveway.

Jim tilted his head, deciding how much he wanted to tell her. "No, I got a ride," he answered quietly. "So, you feeling better?"

She stepped back from the door and let him in. His leg was beginning to throb but he was determined that she wouldn't know he was in pain. _No sense adding to her guilt…_

He followed her to the kitchen where she asked if he wanted anything. "You have any single malt," he asked lightly. Her double take amused him and his insides began to settle as he watched a smile grow on her mouth. "You're kidding, right?" She asked.

Nodding affirmatively, he sighed. "Have any coffee?"

Watching her as she moved around, preparing a pot of coffee was balm for his soul. It amazed him how the simplest things that she did thrilled him. Longing wormed its way through him as he realized that this might have been his future, but now it wasn't. "So you going back to the lab anytime soon?" He tried to sound calm…normal, but a slight hitch in his voice betrayed him.

"Ah, yeah…Monday," she answered as she gave him a perplexed look. "But not in the field yet. And I have to continue with counseling. You?" she asked over her shoulder.

"Uh…I have a doctor's appointment Thursday." He shrugged. "I'll know more after that. I'm kind of enjoying the time off though…kind of …regrouping, you know?"

"Yeah," she said as she poured his cup and handed it to him. "I've um…been doing some of that too."

"You?" Jim was surprised. "What are you…ah, maybe that's not my business…"

She reached across and patted his hand sending an electric shock through him. "It's okay. We're…still friends, right?"

"Yeah…of course…friends." He felt like she'd just slammed a door in his face.

Catherine drew back and took a deep breath. "Jim…"

Looking up, he eagerly waited to hear what she wanted, hoping that she would tell him she loved him or she wanted to start over or ….anything.

"I didn't go back to the hospital…I've been too upset. You kind of surprised me with your…suggestion of marriage. I'm sorry I hurt you," she said, her voice barely more than a whisper. As he looked into her face, he knew he had to let her go; she was beating herself up over it and he didn't want her to do that.

"I'm a big boy," he responded with a gravely voice. "I…gambled and I lost, but I'm not sorry I did. I'll always love you, Catherine. But I can live with it if you don't feel the same. I'll be okay…really."

Her eyes widened. "I…I meant…shooting you. I…" she took a deep breath. "I don't know what I feel…about anything right now. I think I told you that. I wanted to believe that…well, that I'm in love with you because….because it…"

"…felt safe. I get it. It's okay. If you ever need me…I'll be here." His heart felt like lead in his chest. She smiled sadly at him and something in her expression tugged at him; grief. "Maybe I should call for a cab now," he suggested gently.

Catherine stood in her doorway and watched as the cab pulled away from the curb. Jim had walked out to meet it when the cabbie honked, limping more than he had when he'd first showed up. After he climbed in, he glanced back at her and suddenly she felt like all the air had gone out of her. He was leaving and her hesitation was what made him go. Once the door was closed, she went to her room, fell on the bed and cried.

The next few days were miserable as she seemed to cry at every turn. She tuned into a movie on the tv and one of the characters looked like Jim had when he'd first moved to Vegas. She'd smiled at first but then the tears had begun to roll down her face and she turned the movie off. Lindsey called to check on her and asked if _that guy_ was there. Catherine had answered that he wasn't, that he was at his place. "Okay Mom, what's going on?"

"Nothing," Catherine had said.

"Right. You two were inseparable…so much so that it was grossing me out. And now he's at his place?" She sounded incredulous.

"He um…hinted at…marriage and I…"

"He what? And you …what?" Her voice got more agitated as she continued. There was a long pause and then Lindsey began again. "You got scared, didn't you?"

"Linds honey, it's…complicated."

"Uh huh….as in scared. What are you afraid of Mom? I mean, the guy adores you. I could see it every time he looked at you. And you were looking pretty gushy yourself. It was disgusting it was so sweet."

"Linds…" Catherine whined.

"Look, you're the one that told me that he was so great. You said he wasn't like the others… you told me how special he was. And now…what _are_ you doing Mom?"

"I…don't know. It was all just too fast…too soon after the attack."

"Coward."

"Lindsey Willows, you will not speak to me like that."

"Yeah, well…it's true."

She'd collapsed into another heap of tears after the call ended.

Sara had come by to check on her. She'd made it clear that she thought Catherine had lost her mind. She backed off, however, when she was reminded of how she left Gil when she had her own qualms to deal with.

By the time Catherine reported back to the lab on Monday, she thought she would never shed another tear as long as she lived.

* * *

So, now what? Let's see, I've maimed both of them, had Jim get shot, and now their hearts are breaking. What else is there? Hmmm....


	25. Chapter 25

Jim had two more weeks at home before the doctor would release him to go back to work. "Light duty only," the man had said. "Nothing in the field. You aren't up to literally chasing any criminals just yet."

Jim had snorted. "Like I have been the last few years?"

But going back to work would be a relief. He would have something to occupy his mind with. Alone at home, all he seemed to be able to do was replay every moment with Catherine. Even when he tried to escape by sleeping, she was in his dreams. He physically ached, the hurt was so bad. _Yeah, work will be good, _he thought derisively as he sat behind his desk, staring at a pile of papers and reports that had been shuffled his way.

He'd been at it a couple of hours when he dropped his pen and leaned back in his chair to stretch. Hearing footsteps in the hall, he glanced out of his door to see her walking in stride with Vartann. The younger detective was saying something and her response was to laugh. Her laughter and the way she looked at the younger man acted as a knife plunging into Jim's gut.

He fought the urge to rush into the hall. However, he didn't trust what he might say or do. So he remained glued to his chair as he listened to her footsteps moving away. Closing his eyes, Jim fought for equilibrium. He hadn't expected it to hurt so bad to see her. Maybe it was because she was with Tony, he thought. _Are they dating again?_

Catherine had intentionally caught up with Tony in the hallway, just to have a cover while she walked past Jim's office. She'd heard he was back and she'd fought the temptation to see him most of the shift. But then she was called over to PD to collect some evidence on a suspect and she knew she couldn't avoid it any longer. But then luckily, Tony had been in the hall. He made some lame joke as they walked together and she laughter a little too much, her nervousness fueling her response.

Not wanting to be obvious, she had directed her eyes towards Tony as they crossed in front of Jim's office but she couldn't help glancing in. He was watching them. And her heart clichéd as she saw the expression in his face; he was hurting and she had done it to him. After turning a corner, Catherine excused herself and left Tony, heading to the bathroom. Once inside, she let the tears fall. _Just go back and see him, _she told herself_. Talk to him. After all, it was you who messed everything up…_

_But he could have fought harder for me, _her other self reminded her_. "He almost got killed fighting for you …twice. What more do you want?" _She answered_. _And so, she wiped her tears, took a deep breath, and headed out of the bathroom and down the hall to his office. Crossing the threshold, she began talking. "Jim I'm sorry…I don't know…." She looked up, expecting to see him but there was only his empty chair behind his desk.

Jim spent the next few nights avoiding her. He kept the blinds closed in his office, his only line of sight into the hall being his open door and sometimes he even closed it. He worked through mountains of paper work and prepared to go to court on a case from a few months back. At least for a few hours a day, his mind was occupied by things other than Catherine. But she was still there, always on the fringe, always tearing at his soul.

The following week, Jim was sitting outside of Court Room C when a woman he recognized from an investigation the previous year came and sat next to him. "Captain Brass," she said with a smile. "I'm Tara Thorpe. We met last year when you were investigating my friend's death."

"I remember you," he said easily. "Your friend was Laura Peay."

"Yes," she replied. "What happened to you?" Her voice was full of concern as her eyes swept over his cast and then flickered to the cane. "Oh, um…had a run in with a suspect. I'm fine, it'll be fine. Arm comes out of the cast in another week or two."

"Good," she said, relaxing. You were so considerate last year... I really appreciated your sensitivity. It was quite a shock to us, you know."

"Us?"

"Well, Laura's friends… you know, me, Emily Dawson, Erica Frazer…"

"Oh, yeah." Jim was a little befuddled. _She's being nice, I know…but why all the fuss?_

Tara laid her hand on his right arm, which was resting with his hand over his left had, his left arm still in a light cast. Jim's eyes moved down to her hand, his mind genuinely perplexed. "Em, Erica and I have talked about you often since then," she said quietly. Alarms began to go off in his head. He cleared his throat and ventured to speak. "You have?"

"Oh yes. We all were impressed with how kind you were when you interviewed us. And," she seemed to blush, "I've…um, thought of calling you several times."

Jim's eyes shifted to his right as he digested her words. "You did?" He was at a total loss. _She is attractive… a little younger than you should…oh shit, what are you thinking? She's not interested, not like that anyway. Besides, there's Catherine…_

"Yes, I thought…you know, maybe a cup of coffee…or something?" The _or something _was a loaded weapon in Jim's ears. He shifted on the bench and cleared his throat again. "Ah yeah, um…coffee would be nice," he said, wondering if he wanted to know what the _or something_ was.

She squeezed his arm. "That's great," she said smiling. Then pulling a pen and pad out of her purse, she jotted her number. "So, you'll call me…soon?" She asked as she slipped the paper in his jacket pocket.

Jim watched as her fingers slid deep into his pocket, deeper than necessary. His ego was getting a massive stroke but he didn't feel good about this. Still, he found himself promising to call in the next day or two and smiling at her as she patted his pocket and left. _What the hell are you thinking,_ he sighed to himself as he watched her walk away with a flirty sway to her hips. He took a deep breath and glanced around, his eyes landing on Catherine, who was standing just down the hall, looking like she was going to cry. He grabbed his cane and stood, intending to go to her but by the time he began moving in her direction, she had disappeared. His heart sank.

The bailiff called him in to testify a few minutes later. When Jim finished his testimony and walked out of the courtroom, she was standing across the hall, her arms folded. Her eyes were red; it was obvious that she'd been crying. He swallowed, gathering his courage and walked towards her. "Catherine," he said with a small smile.

Her lower lip trembled slightly. "Jim…"

He was at a loss about what to say or do. There was so much he wanted to say beginning with how much he missed her. His fingers twitched as he fought the urge to simply touch her. Seeing her was both uplifting and crushing. With his heart pounding heavily in his chest and his stomach doing flip flops, he settled for standing near her and watching her.

Catherine was undergoing similar feelings. Her tongue seemed too thick to talk and the proximity of him was sending waves of emotion through her. He looked better, stronger, she thought. As one who worked mostly at night, Jim was always pale, but after she'd shot him, he'd been gray. His normal color was back and there weren't quite so many lines on his face. But there were bags under his eyes; he wasn't getting enough sleep. And there was an edginess about him, an air of anticipation…maybe even eagerness. As she looked into his eyes, she saw fear. He was afraid of her, she realized and it brought fresh tears to her eyes.

Jim saw the pools form in her eyes and was instantly next to her, his hand cupping her cheek and his thumb rubbing away the first teardrops that fell. "Don't cry, Catherine," he said softly. "Please, I can't stand to see you cry…to know I caused it."

Blinking in a failed attempt to stem the flow, she looked at the floor. "You…didn't do anything. I…I'm just so…everything's just so mixed up. It's making me crazy."

Swallowing the lump that was rising in his throat, he nodded. "I know I'm crazy…" he croaked, "…about you."

"Oh Jim," she sobbed as she fell into him. Jim wrapped his arm around her and pulled her into his chest, burying his face in her hair. Her scent was intoxicating and for the first time in weeks, he felt whole. "Let's go some place where we can talk," he whispered. She nodded an affirmative response and let him lead her away.

Jim took her to his car and opened the door for her. She slid in and then he moved to the driver side and slid behind the wheel. "You all right," he asked as he turned to look at her. She nodded that she was, afraid to speak. Then letting out a deep sigh, she fought for control of her emotions.

He gave her time to collect herself before saying anything, but her reached over and took one of her hands in his. Just holding her hand anchored him. "Catherine, I…geez honey, I just miss you so much."

Her face came up, her eyes focusing on something outside the car before turning to him. "You do? I …I thought…aren't you mad at me?"

Incredulous, Jim took a minute before responding. He reached over and let his fingers play in her hair and watched as she relaxed, her head tilting towards his hand. "I'm not angry," he finally responded softly. "It hurts…that you don't ...want me," he said sadly. "But I understand. I'm not mad."

Now she was surprised. "I…I want you," she stammered. "You have no idea how lonely I've been, how empty I've felt."

Jim smirked. "I think maybe I do. Nothing's been right for me, Honey, since…since you…said no. But I thought you and Vartann…"

She snorted and grabbed his hand. "Tony? No. No way. And I wasn't saying no, Jim. I just…I needed time. I wasn't ready for…" she hesitated and Jim waited patiently, not something he was accustomed to. "The…r..rape," she sighed, "did something to …my …confidence. I didn't think I could…it made me feel…so dirty…unworthy. And… as long as we were just…I dunno, together…well, I am a slut, or at least that's how I felt. But when you said all that about the future, about wanting to marry me, I…a wife should be…worthy." Tears began to fall again. "And then I shot you…I was aiming for Kava, but I hit you and…it scared me…out of my mind."

Jim squeezed her hand. "I don't know about all of that," he said gently. "You didn't do any permanent damage and you are more than I've ever dared hope for. I mean, I'm not exactly anybody's fantasy. Some Women seem interested because I guess I seem safe…a cop and older and…ordinary; no threat here," he smiled. "And you are gorgeous, smart, caring, strong, fun…did I say gorgeous…so much more than I have any right to expect."

Something inside Catherine melted. "You underestimate the attraction Jim. When women look at you, they see smart and funny…safety, yes…but also there's a bad boy feel about you and many women are drawn to that. I know I like it."

His eyes widened. "You mean all I gotta do is act like a wiseguy and I'll be irresistible?"

She was grateful to see a spark spring to life in his eyes. "You do and I'll shoot you again," she teased as she sat up.

"So…could we go back…try again?" he asked hopefully.

The look in her eyes as she gazed into his created butterflies in his gut. Hope was growing. And then she leaned closer. "Take me home, Jim."

* * *

While I really appreciate the one review I got on the last chappie, it was only one review:-( Can't tell if you are disappointed, don't like where things are going, or just don't have anything to add. Since the readership is remaining steady, I'm going to assume the latter and keep going:-) A word of warning however, things are a bit whacko in RL right now so I probably won't post again until next week sometime. Have some issues that need to be dealt with and a couple of graduations to attend. But I will be back and we'll see what we can do about getting Jim & Catherine back on track. In the meantime, hope you enjoyed.

And, oh yeah...if you haven't already done the poll on my profile page, please do. It's a bit stale now but I'd still be interested to see what everyone wants. Maybe we can hope for next season, right?


	26. Chapter 26

So, I finally got time to get another chapter out. I think you're going to like this one:-)

* * *

Jim drove them to his house, realizing that her purse was probably still locked in her drawer at the Lab. Her keys would be in her purse, he reasoned. He opened his front door and led her through, apprehension growing as they walked in. What was he doing, he wondered…bringing her here? Even though he was certain he knew what he felt, she was still confused. Wouldn't this add pressure? Pressuring her was the last thing he wanted to do.

Clearing his throat, he asked if she wanted anything to drink and turned towards the kitchen. She reached out, grabbed his arm, effectively turning him towards her. "I want you," she said throatily.

Blood rushed through him, rising in his neck and flushing his face, making him light headed. At a loss for words, all he could do was look at her, his eyes meeting hers, his longing dancing across the space between them like tiny electrical sparks. He wanted her too. Finally finding a voice, he opened his mouth to speak. "Catherine, I…" but his words were lost in her lips as they attached to his. And suddenly he was drowning in rippling pools of his emotions. He pulled her to him and unleashed all that he'd held back for the last few weeks…all the love, the fear, the despair, the need; everything. It was too strong, he knew but he couldn't hold back.

Instead of overwhelming her, it seemed to encourage her. Her intensity increased and she seemed to melt into him. Within minutes they were in his room, in his bed, with him staring into the blue flames that were her eyes as she tugged at his clothes.

Their love making was intense. With a broken wing and gimpy leg, Jim contented himself with letting her dominate and reveled in it. She was over him, her hands and lips frantic with need and consuming him, creating sensations within him that he hadn't felt in years. His head and his chest pounded as the fire built and she lavished him, not missing any opportunity for her body to come in contact with his. The feel of her on him was a powerful drug; intoxicating and even hallucinatory in nature, since he felt he was floating on clouds and being consumed by fire at the same time. Jim let himself go, giving in to her spell. And when the release came, it was so intense, so pleasurable that it was almost painful, he thought he might die. Lost in his own waves of ecstasy, he wasn't sure of hers but he suspected that she had much the same experience. His suspicion was confirmed when she blended into him, her body collapsing into his before she slithered off and curled up next to him, her body still hot from the fire.

He couldn't move, was afraid to breathe even for fear of breaking the bubble that surrounded them. She sighed contentedly, her lips trailing small nibbles around his shoulder and over his chest. He was hypersensitive from the force of what just happened and her lips tickled, causing him to giggle. Realizing the cause, Catherine delighted in nibbling more, causing more giggles until he moved his hand to her head and catching it in his paw, he squeezed as he giggled out, "stop." Catherine purred happily as her head settled over his heart and she listened to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

As she lay there, she marveled at what had just happened. In a sense, she had used him and he had allowed it. His surrender to her had given her a sense of power, one she had not felt since the rape. But she knew he had the real power because he could have taken control at anytime. A thought sparked within her; Jim was a real man, one who could relinquish control to a woman without losing his sense of masculinity. He might be unsure of himself about many things, but as a lover he was ideal. He didn't need to control and he wasn't a milksop either. The sex had been fantastic but the love making was even better. Because that's what Jim had done; he had made love and for him, she realized, the sex was just an extension of his love. Despite his reputation for playing around, he wasn't looking for a sex kitten; he wanted a woman, a real woman that was his equal and it excited her as she comprehended the fact that he thought she was that woman.

So many thoughts ran through her mind. It felt warm as she lay there with him, not temperature warm but cozy warm and loving. And the sound of his heart beneath her ear was reassuring and safe. She decided she loved the feel of his hand on her, his fingers playing lightly across her skin. And she was proud when she heard his sigh of contentment; she had done that, given him that. The fire of their passion was ebbing, being replaced by a much better feeling, she mused. This was it, what she had looked for how long…her entire life? With Jim, she was secure, her heart a treasure instead of a shuttlecock to be batted around. He loved her, cherished her, and honored her. He made her complete.

Jim was feeling similar emotions. But more than anything else, he felt lucky. This amazing woman wanted him…loved him. He was happier than he'd ever thought possible.

"Catherine?"

"Hmm…"

"Does this mean yes?"

She lifted her head to see his face. Her blue eyes met his and the anticipation she found made her love him more. "Yes."

His face lit, his eyes becoming twinkling orbs of excitement as joy swept through him. She'd never seen him smile so big, and his body was instantly charged with enthusiasm. "Really? When? How soon?" The rapid fire questions were followed by a kiss and then suddenly, he was out of the bed. "I um…have something for you…wait while I get it."

Catherine chuckled at his animation as she watched him pad across the room, naked as the day he was born. Momentarily, she thought she had a glimpse of what he must have been like as a child; oblivious to everything but his own delight, active, and full of life. He disappeared into the hall and then almost instantly was back. She smiled smugly as she admired his furry chest and other attributes before he settled next to her on the bed. And then suddenly, he was quite. Shyly, he held out his hand to reveal a small box. Her hand shook as she took it from him, delighting in knowing what must be inside. Carefully, she opened it. A diamond sparkled at her from its tiffany setting. She guessed a karat, maybe a karat and a half. "I got a wedding band to match," he said softly. "But you don't get that until…"

Tears in her eyes, she lifted the ring from the box and stared at it. She could feel his gaze as she gingerly held it. Then handing it to him, she said softly, "put it on…" He took the ring and also with a shaking hand, he slid the ring on her finger. "Will you marry me?" he asked, awestruck. She began to cry, happy tears this time, joyous ones, and then she hugged him, wrapping her arm around his neck to better see her ring.

Jim began to chuckle. He couldn't help it, his joy was so great. "When?"

Catherine backed away just enough to see his face. "I want Lindsey there," she said.

"Yeah, of course."

"What about Ellie?"

Pain crossed his face. His brows furrowed as he contemplated the question. "I don't think so…" he said finally. "Nothing's gonna interfere…" he said with conviction.

"You really think she would do that?"

"Ellie has a way of making it about her…and doing whatever she can to get a rise out of me, so yeah…she would."

"I can take it…call her, Jim. She's your daughter."

He took a deep breath. "No. I know you would deal and I appreciate that. But she's not gonna ruin the day for you…or for me. No baggage…not at our wedding."

Catherine relented. "Okay. But if you change your mind, I'm good with it."

Jim smiled. "You're just good," he said, "for me."

She cuddled into him. "Just remember that the first time I squeeze the toothpaste the wrong way," she said lightly.

"You can squeeze the toothpaste anyway you want, Baby." They remained quiet for a few minutes and then Catherine sighed. "I've made a decision," she said.

"You have? When's the wedding," he asked eagerly.

"Soon, but that's not what I'm talking about."

"Oh," Jim sighed. Tension began to creep up his neck. What had she made a decision about?

"I'm going to quit…take the offer from the partners and run the Eclipse."

Jim was only mildly surprised. She'd been thinking along those lines for awhile now. "You sure?"

"Yeah," she said firmly. "I've had enough…"

"Yeah," he said sympathetically. "Burn-out's a bitch."

"Its not burn-out so much; I would've been fine if…well, you know…"

"Yeah," he agreed, his stomach plummeting. "I should've…"

Her fingers covered his mouth quickly. "No, you did everything you could. It just…happened…"

Jim's eyes closed as pain swept through him, the kind that goes with regret, the kind that never completely goes away. "Still…"

"Jim, you're always so hard on yourself. You put on this façade like you don't care and you're just marking time, but nobody's buying it. I know how hard you take things…how much you want to get it right. It's me remember, I see right through you."

Jim smirked. "You do," he conceded.

"So, you going to join me?"

His eyebrows twitched. "At the Eclipse?"

"Yes," she said hopefully.

Looking into her expectant eyes, he knew what his answer was. "It means spending more time with you, doesn't it?" She nodded and he responded with a smile. "Then I'm in," he said decisively.

Next thing he knew, she was on him again. She took him by surprise and he was even more surprised to find he was up to it after their amazing union earlier. He hadn't been a twice in one night kind of guy in quite awhile. Life with Catherine would be challenging, he realized. Not that he minded a little challenge from time to time…


	27. Chapter 27

Catherine consulted with Lindsey about her class schedule and decided the wedding would be in six weeks. Jim was appropriately impatient with her timeline, but secretly happy that she would have to time to plan a real wedding and that her family could be there. Her sister was coming with her nephew and brother-in-law. Of course, her mother would be there as well.

Jim was a bit saddened to realize none of his family would make it. His parents had died years ago and his older brother was confined to a wheelchair these days. He'd been in a horrible car accident one week before he was due to retire from the Hoboken PD and the resulting medical conditions made travel difficult. Their sister was happily married and living in Maryland, but was the primary caretaker for her husband Mike, who was several years older than she and had suffered a stroke a few months back. _Damn, we're getting' old,_ he mused sadly. He had a nephew in Phoenix but wasn't really hopeful the kid would make it. _Kid…hell, he's what? Thirty three…thirty four now?_ In reality though, he was just happy that there was going to be a wedding. His adopted family would be there and that was enough.

He and Gil were back to their old camaraderie and Gil had eagerly accepted the role of Best Man. Jim had teased Sanders about being his ring bearer. Consequently, the young CSI had made it his mission to plan the bachelor party.

Sara took on the task of planning the girl's night out. Jim had to admit being surprised by that one. The two women had not always gotten along so well, but he had to admit that Sara had mellowed since marrying the man of her dreams and returning to CSI.

There was some discussion about who would give the bride away and it was the priest that came up with the simple but obvious solution. "What if the two of you walked the aisle together?"

Jim had shuffled in his seat, unsure of the precedent but liking the idea. Catherine's eyes had widened at the question. "Is that…usual?"

Father Paul nodded and smiled. "It's not unusual. Another solution might be for your mother to do the honor on behalf of your father. Or you could simply walk by yourself."

Catherine took a few days to ponder the suggestions, asking Jim several times what he thought about the suggestions. He'd shrugged and said that he didn't care how she got down the aisle as long as she did. All he was interested in was saying the 'I do's' and starting their life together. She was frustrated by his lack of interest and said so the last time she sought his thoughts. Jim had smiled. "Oh, I'm interested," he'd said. "But this is your day; it should be exactly like you want it."

"It's your wedding too," she told him.

"Yeah, but I'm a guy…all I care about is what comes after," he answered suggestively.

Catherine groaned. "Typical." And then she looked a little puzzled. "But you already know what comes after..."

Shooting her a crooked smile, Jim winked. "And you don't think that has me excited?" He watched as she tried not to smile at that one and then continued, "seriously Honey, guys don't care so much about the ceremony. We just want to get it over with. Women, on the other hand, seem to get highly invested in the ceremony." He paused, thinking, and then continued. "I know what I feel about you…how committed I am to us. The ceremony just makes it legal is all. Beyond that, all I care about is that it makes you feel special, because you are. It's your day, just tell me when and where and I'll be there ready to do whatever you tell me to do."

"You make me feel special," she said warmly. "But it is nice, planning a real wedding. With Eddie, we just went to a wedding chapel on the Strip and that was it. No big deal."

Jim grunted. "Eddie was a dumbass."

"He wasn't all bad…" she said fondly.

"He was too stupid to know what he had with you and played around and screwed it all up and yeah, he was jerk about it too." There was no forgiveness in Jim's tone as he remembered how upset she had been when she discovered the man's infidelity.

"What about your wife? She was pretty stupid too, giving you up."

"Yeah, well…there was a lot that was wrong with our marriage. The affairs were just the tip of the iceberg. I wasn't too smart about taking care of our relationship…out being a cop too much of the time. She got tired of being alone."

"You were out doing a dangerous job. That's part of being a cops' wife. I understand that it is hard, but she knew what you were when you married her, didn't she?"

"I don't think she realized how bad it would be. But that's ancient history. I don't feel the need to save the world anymore…just take care of you. So' I'll be home every night doing just that."

She smiled. "I like the sound of that."

Her plans were coming together and Jim was relieved to see her beginning to relax and enjoy the experience. Then one morning she woke up feeling awful. It went on for several days until he suggested she go to the doctor. He wasn't prepared for what she had to say that afternoon after her visit.

"It's wrong; it's all wrong," she said as she stormed through the door. Jim was sitting in his favorite chair, watching a video of a Stanley Cup game he'd recorded the night before.

Sensing that for him the game was over; he turned off the TV and gave her his full attention. She was agitated, pacing the floor, her face pink with frustration. "What's wrong, Catherine?"

"Everything," she blurted as she stopped in front of him. "You…you did this…"

Jim was at a loss. "Uh, what did I do?" He tried to keep an even tone and not respond to her anxious state.

"You…you….god men are so…so…." She began pacing again.

On his feet instantly, Jim went to her. He tried to hug her but she shrugged him off and folded her arms as she continued pacing. He took a deep breath as he tried to fathom what could have upset her so. "You okay? What did the doctor say?" he asked, suddenly feeling anxious himself. What if something were terribly wrong?

"I yeah…but…she can't be right. There has to be something off about the test. It just can't be…it can't…" and she began to cry. "Everything was perfect and now…"

Jim was getting scared. What could possibly be so wrong? "What did the doctor say?"

"She said…oh god…she said…I…I'm…pregnant!"

Jim stared, dumbfounded. "You…geez…uh…." He was reeling.

"Yeah. And it's your fault!"

She looked out of her mind, Jim decided. _Why not? This is crazy…_"Um…my fault?" A little male pride began to stir; he was sixty years old and he'd knocked up a beautiful woman. _Oh shit…_She looked furious.

"It is your baby, you know!"

"Um…yeah, okay…uh…you sure?"

Fury swept through her features. "Am I sure? AM I SURE? Hell yeah, I'm sure. I haven't been with…" she stopped. "Oh god, you don't think it…it couldn't be…"

"Honey, wait," Jim said putting his hand up to stop her. "I meant are you sure you're pregnant."

"Doctor Marcus did a test…she's sure. Dammit Jim, I'm forty nine freakin' years old. I'll be fifty by the time the kid gets here. Last check-up she told me I was starting menopause. How the hell did this happen?"

"Well, we did…" Jim tried to be reassuring but obviously she didn't want any of it.

"I know what we did. Why didn't you wear any protection?" She was rabid.

"I um…you said…I mean, I thought…besides, you didn't exactly give me time to…"

"Oh shut up!" Then after a short pause, " Men!" she said, throwing up her hands in despair.

"Babe, we'll get through this… it'll be all right." He didn't know what to do, how to calm her but he knew he had to try.

"We? WE? I'd like to see you get fat and your ankles swell and you get so big you can barely stand up. And YOU deal with all the inconvenience…morning sickness and the hormonal changes and…labor and…and…augh!"

Again he tried to hug her but she pushed him away. "Don't you touch me. Don't you dare touch me!"

"Honey, this is crazy. It'll be fine. I'll be right here with you and we'll deal…"

"Crazy? You think I'm crazy? Yeah, I'll say. I should've never let you…oh god, what if it was him?" And she crumpled into a heap of tears on the couch. Jim sat next to her and finally she allowed him to hold her. "It's not his kid, Catherine. I know it isn't." Silently he prayed that he was speaking the truth.

Once he had managed to get her to calm down, he convinced her to lie down for a few minutes. It wasn't long until she was asleep, exhausted from the emotional turmoil of the afternoon. Jim sat, watching her sleep, his own emotions in overdrive. If he were twenty years younger…or even ten, this would be fantastic news. But he wasn't. He was too old to do the parenting thing again, not that he'd done so well the first time around. But now…he thought maybe he'd learned a few things and would be better at it, but he was sixty damn years old. The whole thing scared him. Besides, wasn't it risky for Catherine? She was past the prime years for childbearing…there were all kinds of complications for the mother and the baby. And what about the baby? He'd heard all sorts of stories on the news recently about the negatives of older parents on a fetus. What were the odds of a healthy baby? Why hadn't he worn protection? He always did with the women he'd slept with since his marriage broke up. Why not with Catherine?

And then the question sounded in his head. What if it wasn't his? What if it was Kava's? He didn't think Catherine could handle that. Silently he resigned himself to the possibility that he would be raising another man's child…again. As he watched Catherine, he knew he would do it. In fact, he would continue to insist that the child was his; he didn't want her doubting that. If he sounded convinced enough, maybe she would accept that it was and let go of her fear that it was her attacker's. No, he'd never let on that he thought there was a possibility of anything else.

One thing he knew absolutely; he wasn't going to desert her. The wedding was still on and he'd be there for her no matter what. He loved her with every fiber of his being and he wasn't going to give that up over an unexpected pregnancy. _Damn, why do things always have to get so complicated? _He took a deep breath and calmness began to settle over him. _It's not that complicated really…you love her, she loves you. Together we'll see this through…it's simple really, as long as we are together._ He swiped the back of his head with his hand. _Yeah, right…_

Catherine woke from her nap about an hour later feeling calmer. Before she opened her eyes, she sensed him in the room with her. _What's he thinking? _She wondered_. He must be totally pissed…He doesn't want a baby anymore than I do, probably less. Hell, I'm surprised he's still here. Oh wait, we're at his house…_She opened her eyelids just enough to see that he was sitting in a chair next to the bed, watching her. Opening her eyes a little more, she saw the expression on his face. _He doesn't look pissed. In fact, he looks absolutely sappy…besotted. How can that be? I just turned his world upside down…_

Opening her eyes fully, she met his gaze. A smile grew on his lips as his eyes met hers, dancing merrily. "Feel better?" he asked.

All she could do was mumble, "ummm hmmmm…"

She felt his hand on her face, his palm resting against her cheek as his fingers soothed her temple and began to play in her hair. "I love you," he said softly.

"Why?" She blurted it out. "I mean, I just messed everything up…"

To her amazement, Jim chuckled. "I don't know, you're the scientist here, but I always thought it took two to do that particular kind of messing up…"

"But…we're too old to be doing this. How can you sit there so calmly and…"

He covered her lips with his finger. "I'll admit that the idea of raising another kid at my age is…intimidating. But, it was conceived in love and will be born in that same love. And…to be honest, well…you know Ellie isn't, I mean, you know biologically speaking…she's not mine. For you to be carrying _my_ child, _mine_… it…well, it's humbling…in a good way. I mean, I feel…I dunno…honored to be the father of your child. After the fiasco with Nancy, well…I guess I kind of see this as a gift…you honor me with the best gift a woman can give a man. So the timing isn't perfect and maybe I won't live to see the kid grown, but…as scary as this is…I think I'm happy about it.

"You're out of your mind…insane even," she said bluntly.

Again the man chuckled. "Maybe. Insanely in love with you… Okay yeah, I'll admit to that."

She couldn't stay angry or scared. He was just too ridiculous. _How could he want this baby? Men never wanted babies at first; the idea always has to grow on them, doesn't it?_ Her mind was whirling with confusion as she continued to gaze into his besotted eyes.

* * *

Okay, I know that at their ages, it is highly unlikely, but it does happen; the internet told me so, lol. And with Catherine the sexy lady that she is and Jim the Stud, why not,lol? Besides, my Daddy was one of those oops babies.

After the season finale, I am having a tough time with this one. Catherine was so rotten to Jim, going over his head and all. And she is sleeping with Vartann now, ugh...gag. Anyway, I hope you enjoy because this is probably my last Brass-Catherine story.


	28. Chapter 28

I'd like to blame this long (for me anyway) interlude on the season finale but I can't:-( We've had a sequence of events that while thankfully not tragic, might have been a comedic script for CSI, complete with a lightening strike that fried all of our electronics. Finally we are back up and running but it's been an interesting couple of weeks. Hopefully, I am back on track and can finish this thing, lol. Reviews, as always, are most welcome.

* * *

Lindsey was absolutely incredulous when Catherine told her the news. "You've got to be kidding, Mom. No way… Are you sure?"

"Yes, Lindsey, we're sure. Jim went back to the doctor with me yesterday and I had her redo the test."

"Jim did? You mean he isn't going nuts about this?"

Catherine chuckled into the phone. "No, he's actually kind of…happy. It's crazy if you ask me, but he doesn't seem all that bothered about it, other than worrying about me."

"He's a puffed up peacock, I'll bet," Lindsey said, imagining Jim Brass strutting around with pride at having gotten her mother pregnant.

"No, I mean…he's a little surprised but…no."

"So, you going to keep it? I mean, you're so _old..._"

Catherine rolled her eyes and decided to ignore the old comment. "What? Keep it? Lindsey…of course. I could never…I've seen too much death and destruction to be the cause of it myself, especially to do it just because the timing stinks for me."

"So, this means I can plan on raising the kid when you two die, huh?"

"Well, Jim admits that he probably won't live to see the kid grown but I intend to be around. But yes, if something were to happen to both of us, I'd like to think you'd step up and take over."

Lindsey sighed into the phone. "Yeah, well…okay. Wow, that's a lot to think about though."

Jim watched Catherine as she explained everything to her daughter. The doctor had been pretty plain spoken yesterday about the risks for Catherine and the baby. Plenty of rest and no stress were two key items on the long list of things to do to insure a healthy outcome for both. Jim was watching for signs of stress. So far, other than a little embarrassment, he'd detected none. He hoped things would remain as calm as the word spread.

He had already put things in motion for his retirement and knew that Catherine was composing her letter of resignation. Even though their official dates to leave LVPD weren't for a couple of months, with their built up time they would essentially be free before the wedding which was three weeks away. Jim knew he would be bound to his desk for the remaining time and thought the same would be true for Catherine, especially since she was pregnant. They had discussed Jim staying with the department for awhile longer for insurance but in the end decided against it. Both would be eligible for insurance benefits for a few months more at their expense. And the Eclipse would provide benefits as well, once they were employed there. At least they didn't have that worry, Jim thought.

Getting Catherine to slow down might be another matter, Jim mused as he continued to watch her talk with her daughter. She was used to being in high gear all the time and slowing down wasn't going to be easy. He knew he would need to find creative ways to encourage her compliance. _Part of my job,_ he mused happily as he contemplated being a husband again.

He knew he shared responsibility with his ex over their disastrous marriage. He really had been wrapped up in his job and often failed to put her and later their family first. Looking back, he realized he'd been a bit of a dumbass, wanting a family so desperately but not doing everything he could to preserve it. This time around, things were going to be very different. He'd given up long ago on a second chance at happiness and now that he had it, he wasn't going to screw it up. The irony of it, he thought, is that life with Nancy could never have been as good as life with Catherine will be. _Maybe it's because I'm older and wiser but…no, it's the difference in women. Catherine is…once in a lifetime._

Finally she hung up and turned her attention to her fiancé. Jim looked contemplative, almost sad, sitting in the chair next to the sofa she was on. "Sorry about that…she was in a talkative mood," she said neutrally, trying to get a fix on his mood.

Looking up, he smiled. "It's okay. She seemed to be taking it okay…at least from what I heard on this end."

"Yeah, I'm sure once it all really sets in, she'll have something to say about it, but for now things are good."

Jim grunted in agreement and Catherine looked at him sharply. "What's going on? You look…thoughtful."

Her heart almost stopped as he looked up at her, his eyes shining with adoration. "Just thinking about my second chance," he said quietly, "and the irony of it being better than my first one."

"Second chance at what?"

"Happiness…marriage…family, the good stuff."

She patted the cushion beside her indicating that she wanted him near. Moving to her side, he pulled her to him to snuggle. Contentment spread through him as she purred with pleasure. "I love you, you know," he told her.

"I know," she cooed back. "And I love you. Kind of makes things just right, doesn't it?"

"So, what are we hoping for…a boy or a girl?"

Catherine was quiet a moment before answering. "Well, we both have daughters so maybe a boy this time."

"I've heard that boys are easier in some ways…"

"Well, I don't know, but a teenage daughter is enough to put us in our graves. I'm not sure I can do that again."

Jim laughed. "I know…Ellie about killed me and I wasn't even on the premises." He sighed deeply and then, "she still tears me up," he said sadly.

"You sure you don't want to reconsider…invite her to the wedding?"

"I'm sure," he answered firmly.

The next ten days were a whirlwind of activity and planning, so much so that Jim was amazed. She had said it would be a simple wedding; to him it seemed anything but. He watched her carefully, not letting her over do and insisting that she rest frequently. He was so diligent that finally one afternoon, she snapped. "Stop being a mothering hen," she barked at him.

Jim stood across from her, his fingers flexing as he tried to decide how to proceed. Finally, his inner imp took over. "Cluck, cluck," he said, his eyes twinkling. Catherine wasn't impressed, however. "Not funny," she declared. "Not funny at all…"

The news began to spread around the department, not only about the impending marriage but also about the little surprise package they were expecting. Jim was a bit jealous because Catherine was getting all kinds of hovering attention, the CSI guys making sure she was comfortable and didn't overdo things. They'd been a bit taken aback at first when she had delivered her news, but as usual, came together in a family like manner to support the both of them. He, on the other hand, was getting needled to no end. It finally culminated one night when he found a stuffed horse on his desk with a tag on it, "Stud Brass" it said along with "guaranteed results." He assembled his detectives and reamed them royally only to find out it was his administrative assistant that had left it on his desk. Catherine was visiting him in his office later and found the thing in his waste basket. She claimed it for the baby, "without the tag," she'd smirked.

Once the whirl of planning was over, there was a lull, sort of a waiting period when Jim really began to worry about Catherine. She seemed fidgety and nervous. He tried to find things to do to distract her but she had too much time on her hands, even with finishing up at the lab with all the reports and preparation for her departure. He accompanied her to her doctor visits and was relieved when Dr. Marcus said things looked good.

Finally their wedding day arrived. Catherine had decided to wear a pastel blue tea length dress that was modest, by Catherine standards. She'd chosen Jim's suit, a midnight blue one that fit him like a glove. His tie was a conservative blue and silver design that she thought brought out the color of his eyes. Lindsey, as the maid of honor wore a dress similar to Catherine's.

She had finally decided that she and Jim would walk the aisle together. The priest did away with the usual line "who gives this woman…" because Catherine insisted that she was no man's chattel and therefore no one could give her away. Jim's eyes had twinkled all through the ensuing discussion until the priest gave up and scratched the line from the service. "That's my girl," he'd whispered to her as the priest made the change.

After the ceremony, their was a small reception in the dining room at The Eclipse, which was due to open in few weeks. All of their friends from CSI and LVPD attended and Catherine had also insisted that Ecklie be invited as well. She'd also invited Sam's old business partners that were the investors in The Eclipse.

A small ensemble played as some of the couples danced, after the initial one with Jim and Catherine. They visited and sat out the next few until Nick and Greg harassed Jim to the point he asked Catherine to dance just to get away from them. His leg still bothered him at times, however, and all the standing and now dancing was beginning to take a toll. Catherine could feel it in the way he held her and diplomatically suggested they sit for awhile.

Finally, the newlyweds were ready to leave for a honeymoon that Jim had planned and told no one about. Catherine threw her bouquet with precision and it landing firmly in Wendy's hands drawing chuckles from everyone as Greg nudged Hodges.

"So where are you taking me?" Catherine asked as she sat next to Jim in the limo.

"I'm not saying until we are far away," Jim replied mischievously. "Don't want Stokes and Sanders getting any funny ideas."

Catherine glanced out of the window. "Well, we're not heading for the airport…"

"That's right, we aren't," Jim answered smugly. He took her hand in his and sighed. "This isn't the honeymoon I wanted for us but Dr. Marcus nixed what I was planning. She said later, after the baby. So following her suggestion, I planned something quiet and not too strenuous."

"Now I am curious. Can't help wondering what you had planned as well as where we are going now."

Jim chuckled. "Well, I've always wanted to take you someplace tropical…like Tahiti, so when the time is right…I've got it all planned."

Catherine's mouth formed an "O" as her eyes widened. Then collecting herself, she tilted her head. "And for now…"

"Well, first we eat…have to keep your strength up."

"But there was food at the reception…"

"Yeah, and you did exactly what I thought you'd do, spent so much time talking to everyone that you hardly ate anything."

"And after we eat?"

"We go for a little drive…" His eyes twinkled with excitement.

"Quit being a tease, Jim, and tell me…"

"You'll see when we get there," was all he would say.

Finally they arrived at the destination. "Carrabba's" she exclaimed. "I love this place."

The limo driver opened the door and offered his hand to Catherine. She stepped out and felt Jim climbing out behind her. He offered his arm as they walked towards the restaurant. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw the limo drive away. "But wait…how are we…"

"My car's parked over there," Jim said motioning to the other side of the parking lot. "We'll go in my car."

"You have been busy with the planning… and my bags?"

"…Are in my car. Lindsey helped me with that while Sara and the others kept you occupied last night."

"So, you don't have the bags I packed?"

"Nope. But Lindsey made sure you have everything you need."

After they were seated, Catherine looked across at her new husband. _Husband…who'd have thought?_ "So what did you boys do last night?"

"Well, Sanders had a wild evening planned complete with strippers and a couple of bars…"

"But?"

"Strippers lost their charm for me a long time ago. I think Gil and Doc felt the same way. Sanders and some of the others followed through but the old guys…and Nick… just had a few drinks and watched the younger guys being idiots. I think Nicky had appointed himself in charge of me making it to the altar in one piece."

"Sounds like Nicky. But poor Jim didn't get to have any fun…"

With a glint in his eye, he responded. "I was saving myself for the honeymoon."

After they ate, Jim asked her if she wanted to change into something more comfortable for the drive. She changed in the bathroom, picking an outfit from an overnight bag that he brought in from his car. A few minutes later, they were on the road and she still didn't know where they were headed.

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	29. Chapter 29

About four hours later, Catherine was dozing in the front seat when Jim drove the car down the historic Route 66 into a small Arizona town. After the darkness of the surrounding desert, the lights of the town filtered through her sleepy haze and she began to wake. "Where are we?" she asked as she looked around, confused.

"Route 66," Jim said fondly. "Thought you might get a kick on Route 66."

Catherine looked at him scornfully and groaned. "Yeah, there's a song about that…" Then looking around again she gave it some thought. "This is Arizona…so we're in…Flagstaff?"

Jim chuckled. "Can't get anything by you, can I?"

"Yeah…and remember that."

Glancing at his GPS display, Jim took a turn at the next corner and proceeded down the road. "We're almost there," he told her.

A few more turns and they arrived. "What is this place?" Catherine asked as she eyes the modest looking house.

"Cherry Inn B&B," Jim answered as he cut the engine. "Nice, quiet, and good location. Just what the doctor ordered…literally."

He walked around the car and opened the door for her and then they walked towards the house. "I called while you were sleeping to give the hosts an idea of our arrival time, so they should be expecting us." As if on cue, the porch lights flickered on.

"Mr. Brass?" a voice called from the doorway.

"Yes, Jim Brass," he answered offering his hand to shake.

The man on the inside stepped out and shook hands and then glanced at Catherine. "And this must be Mrs. Brass?"

"Yes, my wife Catherine," Jim beamed.

"Welcome and come in," the man. "I'm Bill Smythe, by the way. I know you've had a long day so I'll just show you the suite and then leave you to relax. Oh, here're some keys. Just make yourselves at home," he said as he handed Jim two keys.

Catherine settled on the couch as the men brought in the luggage and then Bill disappeared. Jim put her bag on a stand and threw his on the floor next to hers. Then he settled next to her and watched as she looked around the room. "So what do ya think?"

"It's…very Southwestern," she said ambiguously. "The bed's very…rustic."

"Yeah, I know…it ain't the Ritz and that's what you deserve. But…it is private and quiet and we can come and go as we please and …no other guests. And I didn't want to go overboard on expenses so I can afford to take you on our real honeymoon for our First."

"First?"

"Anniversary," he answered, surprised that she didn't catch on.

Again her mouth formed a large "O". "Tahiti, right?"

"Yep."

"Then I like this just fine. And having it to ourselves…with no one around…we don't have to be so…quiet," she said, her eyes glimmering mischievously.

"Quiet? Oh you mean when…."

Smiling, she nodded.

"And when do we…"

"Well, if you'll open my bag, I can see if Lindsey packed my surprise for you."

Jim moved hurriedly, opening her bag and then stepping away to let her rummage. He retrieved his own bag and fished in it for his own little surprise. Her form disappeared through the bathroom door just as he pulled his from the bag.

Jim held several different items in his hands, trying to decide which was most appropriate for his first night as a married man. Finally, he tossed all but one back in his bag. Catherine emerged from the bathroom to find him in the middle of the room wearing a pair of white silk boxers that had the word _taken_ embroidered on the left leg. She smirked as his jaw fell open when he saw her. She was wearing a black teddy that was more lace then anything but did have a small strip of fabric across her abdomen. On the fabric the words _all yours_ were in a screaming red thread. He chuckled as he looked down at his own attire.

Catherine moved like a predator cat across the room, her eyes alight with desire. "I think I'll have more of those made up…one for each day of the week. Then if any other woman gets any ideas…"

Jim snorted. "I wish…I mean, the ladies don't exactly …but even if they did, there isn't anyone outside of this room that I want to show my boxers to."

Catherine caressed his cheek. "What do you mean the ladies don't…there was that woman last year…Rita? And what about that woman a few months ago, the one who'd lost her entire family in one night?"

"Rita was a mistake and the other was a case," he replied as his senses relished her so close and caressing him. He wanted to quit talking and moved to silence her before any more conversation was necessary.

Her lips were soft beneath his, pliable and eager. His hands moved to her hips, the silk and lace battling for his attention. He felt her wrapping her arms around him and broke the kiss, grinned and moved her to the bed.

"You're wearing too many clothes," she murmured as her fingers slipped beneath his waistband. Her black teddy joined his satin white shorts on the floor an instant later. The look that Jim gave Catherine as he hovered over her sent shivers through her. "I want to make love to you, Mrs. Brass," he growled.

"You're the captain," she teased as her hands settled on his shoulders and pulled him to her.

Sometime in the middle of the night, Jim woke. Catherine was snuggled against him, her body warming his. He fought the urge to caress her, afraid he might wake her; she needed to rest. The more he fought it the greater he felt the urge. He didn't want sex, didn't think he was up to it after their earlier session anyway. But he wanted to touch her, run his hands over her lovingly; he needed it. But she needed her rest more, so he scooted out of the bed carefully and headed to the living area.

In the kitchen, he discovered the Continental Breakfast that had been set out for them. His stomach growled and that was all the encouragement he needed as he perused the goods.

A few minutes later, Catherine woke to an empty bed. She padded to the bathroom and then recovering her teddy from the floor, slipped into it. Then she began to look for Jim. She found him sitting at the kitchen table, munching on some fruit and breakfast pastries. Siding up to him, she chuckled and took one of his treats. "Hmmm, I dunno which treat I'd rather have, this one or the one you've got in your lap," she purred.

Jim flushed as he glanced down at his obvious delight in seeing her. "I'm sorry…guess I've been on my own too long and just wandered in here as I was," he said shyly.

"Oh, I'm not complaining. You can wander around in the buff all you want; I like the view," she said softly into his ear. Her breath on his ear created a stronger reaction to her presence and his treat grew. Being a trained observer, Catherine caught the change. "I think I've decided," she said as her hand reached down to claim her choice. Jim grabbed another pastry as she led him back to bed.

The sun was fully up when they woke again. Catherine rolled over and began to nibble at Jim's ear and then her tongue laved his ear lobe. "You're killing me here," he grumbled in a throaty voice. "I haven't been this active in years…"

She paused, glanced at him south of the border and grinned. "You seem up to the challenge."

He flipped her over and was once again over her. "It might seem so, but I don't think I'll hold up," he said frankly. "You are insatiable though…"

Running her hand over his hair and then tickling his ear she hummed, "it's my partner; can't get enough of his good lovin." Jim snickered, "you're getting all he's got. He might have lots of good lovin' but you might be too much woman for him."

"No, he's all man…just out of practice maybe," she said seductively.

Laughing now, Jim agreed. "He is a little out of practice maybe, but then he hasn't been with anyone like you before. And thank you…for the all man comment. At my age, there are days that I wonder…"

"I never have," she answered confidently.

After perusing the breakfast choices again and getting their fill, they showered and dressed. "So what do you have planned for this honeymoon trip," Catherine asked cheerfully.

"I think we've already covered that ground," Jim smirked at her mischievously. "But in the interests of giving me a break I thought we'd see some sights." Catherine's responding bawdy laughter made Jim wonder if he really wanted to take her anywhere but back to bed. "I thought maybe we would check out the Downtown Historic District, check out the shops and find a cozy little place for lunch. What do ya think?"

"Shopping? I like shopping…"

Jim rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I kinda thought so…"

They'd been browsing through various shops for a couple of hours, Catherine finding and buying souvenirs for her mother and daughter and the guys at work. At one shop that featured works by local Hopi artisans, Jim spotted a necklace and matching earrings that depicted the sun. He thought the set was beautiful, with intricate carvings and the sun in gold overlays. While Catherine stood off in the corner gazing at Kachinas, he managed to make the purchase. Slipping the bag with the jewelry into his pocket, he joined Catherine in the corner. "I like this one," she said. "It makes me think of you."

Jim studied the doll and then looked at her, smirking. "It's a clown."

"Yeah," she said definitively.

"That's what you think I am," he asked, feigning hurt.

"Sometimes." Her eyes were laughing at him even though she was keeping a straight face.

"Okay, sometimes maybe…but not when it comes to _you_, right?" His answer came as a peck on the cheek.

Looking up, Jim saw a display of rattles. "Hey look, we could get something for the baby." Guiding her over to the display, they checked out each one. "This one," Catherine said as she pointed to one with a brown head and cartoonish characteristic on the painted face. Jim read the label. "Mudhead…_mudhead_ ? My baby won't be a mudhead," he declared. Catherine started laughing. She moved off as he continued to study the rattles, hoping to find something suitable.

Her smile softened as she spotted a money clip with a golden sun inlaid into silver. Glancing over her shoulder to be sure Jim was still across the store, she pointed to it and the clerk, sensing that it was to be a secret whisked it up and set it one the counter. She slipped him her card and walked away for a moment. Then she came back to quickly sign it and slip the bag into her handbag. Jim had moved on to some pottery and was oblivious to the transaction. Each left the shop happy with their surprises for later.

Jim was childlike as they sat in a diner with a 50's Route 66 theme. Catherine wasn't a child of the 50's and didn't have the same sense of excitement and nostalgia but was having fun watching his. Then suddenly her mood changed as the waitress began flirting with her husband. It started subtly enough and Jim had played along at first. But then he was getting uncomfortable with the woman's forwardness too. Catherine was gratified for a few minutes as he made several comments about what his wife wanted or when the waitress invited him back for dinner, he said he thought _his wife_ had other plans for him.

From Catherine's view, the last straw came when the woman sided up to Jim, sticking her rather abundant ass in his face. Jim turned beet red, looking away as quickly as he could and nearly choking on the sip of coffee he'd just taken. Catherine began to fume and dropped her fork on her plate. "If you don't get your ass outta my husband's face instantly, you're going to be sitting on it across the floor," she said angrily.

The woman huffed and stalked away. Catherine huffed, trying to calm down as she looked across at Jim, who was watching her sheepishly. "You're scary," he finally commented with a slight grin.

Heat suddenly flushed through her and she felt a rush of wet going south, as her hormones took another swing. She could feel her heart rate increase and she licked her lips seductively. "Let's get out of here," she said huskily.

Jim wondered what had suddenly come over her but seeing her physical changes, he decided this wasn't a time to argue. He'd barely paid the check before she grabbed his hand and all but pulled him outside. Their hands still clasped, she pulled him around a corner into an alley doorway and laid a hungry kiss on him. "God I want you so bad right now," she groaned as her mouth worked along his neck.

Pleased but confused, Jim quickly scanned their surroundings to be sure she wouldn't be embarrassed later. Then putting his hands securely around her waist, he pulled her away slightly. "You okay," he asked, concern lacing his expression.

Her eyes were on fire as she stared at him. "Yeah…I just…all of a sudden I'm just so horny. I could jump you right here," she said, a little surprised at her own emotions.

"While I like the sound of that, I don't think here is a good place," he chuckled, still unsure of what was happening with her. "We could go back to …"

"Now," she said with urgency as she turned to head for the car.

Jim followed her, bemused but excited. _This just doesn't happen to guys like me…_

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So many readers, so few reviews... oh well.


	30. Chapter 30

"So what is going on with you?" Jim asked as they basked in the afterglow of their latest love making escapade.

"I'm not sure," she answered lazily. "I think it's the hormones. I just can't get enough sex…"

"Oh," he said mildly humbled. "And I thought it was all about me…" he quipped.

"Well, it is," she answered as she ran her fingers through his chest pelt. "Otherwise I'd be jumping every male that came across my path. But it is only you I want."

"Well, that feels better," he said cheekily.

She swatted him and he caught her hand in his, pulling it to his mouth where he nibbled on her fingers before closing his hand over hers and resting it on his chest. "You're just insatiable…I married a nymphomaniac."

"You complaining?"

A grin slowly spread across his face as he watched her. "Only when you wear me out…but I'll get over it."

She settled into him, her head resting in the crook of his shoulder. As his heart beat slowed and his breathing settled into an even rhythm, she knew he had dozed off. Soon, the comfort of being near him overtook her and she dozed too.

That night they dined at one of the town's nicer restaurants. When they got back to their little house, Catherine changed quickly and climbed into bed. Jim eyed here nervously, wondering how long he had before he was expected to perform again. His little soldier had been working overtime on this trip and he was beginning to doubt how much longer he could hold up.

Finally, he was ready for bed and crawled in with her, expecting the onslaught. Her fingers played across his chest as she sighed deeply. "You mind if we just…cuddle for awhile and then go to sleep," she asked quietly.

Jim blinked. Had he just heard what he thought he had heard? "What, you tired of me already?"

"No…but I…to tell you the truth, I am kind of tired tonight."

A low chuckle rumbled out of his chest. "Thank god!" he said softly but emphatically.

"What's the matter…Little Jim's too tired?"

Jim simply chuckled again and then wrapped her into his arms. "Cuddling sounds good. I like to cuddle," he answered tenderly. He felt her relax in his embrace and within minutes she was asleep.

The following day consisted of a ride along the famous Route 66, and afternoon nap, and plans for a trip to the Observatory in the evening to do some stargazing. The Observatory was interesting and Jim was pleased that Catherine seemed to enjoy getting a good look at the heavens. As they walked out, Catherine began to giggle.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing…" she giggled again.

"Oh come on…," he said as he stopped walking to look at her. "Something's got you tickled."

She stopped to face him and covered her mouth with her hand to control her giggling. "It's just that…" and she began to giggle again.

"Okay, okay…get it out or you'll be doing this all night," he said good naturedly.

"You were _so_ channeling Grissom in there," she finally said with another burst of giggles.

"What? I take you for a romantic evening of stargazing and all you can think of is Grissom?"

"Yeah well…you remember that case…several years ago now…you know, the one with the cult. And they'd broken into that house and killed the dog. We couldn't find Grissom for awhile because he was out back looking at some meteor shower…just staring at the sky…"

"Yeah, I remember. He had me watching it too…"

"Right. Well, it was kind of like that back there. You were so Grissom-like in your fascination."

Jim shrugged. "Maybe. I like to look at the stars," he said. "But you missed a lot while you were looking through the telescope because I spent most of the time watching you," he finished with a grin. Her laughter stopped and her faced settled into a tender, heartfelt 'aw' kind of expression. Jim simply stood there gazing at her looking every bit the smitten man that he was.

"You scare me sometimes," she said softly.

A frown creased his forehead as a question registered in his eyes. He tilted his head, wondering what he had done to scare her. "When you look at me like that," she said finally, "it scares me. No one's ever looked at me like that. I mean, Eddie, sort of…in the beginning but usually it was after sex and …well, most of the time it was just lust when he looked at me. And most of the others too…all I saw was lust. But when you look at me…especially like that…I see…"

"Love," he finished for her. "What you see from me is love. Maybe it's my age, maybe what's happened in the past, but while I can't deny feeling lust at times, what I'm feeling is love. You are all I can think about … I need you as much as I need to breathe. All I can think about is how happy you make me and how can I make you happy. So, I guess maybe the way I look at you is a little scary because in a way, I am obsessed with you," he finished with a shrug.

She stood absolutely still, staring into his deep blue, very beautiful eyes and found herself wondering where this Jim had been for so many years. Why had he hidden this side of himself for so long? But that wasn't entirely fair. He'd shown his loving side from time to time, just not quite in such a large way. She'd known all along that he had a tender side, one that yearned for love. And now she was the lucky one that would be on the receiving end of all that. And as she watched the sparkle in his eyes as he looked at her, she fell in love with him all over again. "Let's get back…" she said quietly, needing an outlet for all that she was feeling at the moment.

The rest of their honeymoon week went about the same with sightseeing mixed with naps and lovemaking sessions that made Jim feel like a twenty something again. Each night, Jim wore a different gift from the guys at his bachelor party. Grissom had given him the silk boxers from the first night. Catherine's favorite one was the Pinocchio brief that had a pocket for 'the nose' which had Catherine in hysterics as she watched it grow. Their love making after that demonstration had been punctuated by fits of laughter, which Jim took in stride. Seeing her so happy and light hearted made him feel on top of the world.

Although she modeled several different articles of nightwear, his favorite remained the teddy from the first night. "Well, you can thank Mom for that one," Catherine had chuckled when he told her. Jim blushed slightly and cleared his throat. "Uh, I'll let you do that for me, if that's okay…"

"I'll be sure to do that," she'd giggled before divesting him of the red thong he was wearing. "Who gave you this?" she asked as she tossed it away. "Um…" he said as he licked his lips, "uh, Sam I think…" he grunted as she crawled over him.

By the end of the week, both were so sore that they spent the last night simply sleeping. On the last morning, Jim woke to the sensation that he was being watched. His eyes fluttered open to see Catherine's staring at him with anticipation. Still groggy, he muttered a good morning and then headed to the bathroom for some relief. Then back in the bedroom, he was intrigued by her expression as she waited for him to climb back into bed. "You ah…waiting for something?" he asked brazenly.

Suddenly he was encased in her hug and then she sat back on her legs, extending her hand. He drank in the sight of her, totally naked and looking at him like that and decided he could die now, it just would never be better than this. Then looking at her extended hand he saw that she was holding something. "For me?" She nodded. He took it from her and opened the bag. Inside was a silver and gold money clip with a Hopi image of the sun inlaid. "To keep with you and remind you of this trip," she told him.

He glanced up at her and back at the clip. "I won't need any reminders," he said as he admired the clip. "But this is beautiful. Thank you," he said, his voice deep with emotion.

"I was going to wait but since you gave me this now…I have something for you too." He retrieved his gift from his bag and gave it to her. She opened it and gasped, then began to smile. "Like minds," she said as she saw the same sun image on the necklace and earrings. "They are beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you," he said so honestly and guilelessly that it clutched her heart. She smiled at him and then held up the necklace. "Help me put it on," she said excitedly. He fastened the clasp for her and then she hurried to the mirror to put in her earrings. Turning around, she smiled at him wearing nothing but the jewelry. "What do you think," she asked excitedly.

Pausing to remember to breathe as he gazed at her with the morning sunlight playing in her hair and the gold in the jewelry reflecting the rays, he answered. "I think I've never seen anything more beautiful in my life."

They left Flagstaff that afternoon, still warm from the glow of their honeymoon and the magic of the time spent alone. "We should come back on out Fiftieth," she said nostalgically as they drove away. Jim grunted. "Yeah, I'll be a hundred and eleven so we'd better plan on wheel chair accessible though."

"Okay, so maybe sooner…like out Twenty-fifth."

"That'll work; I'll only be eighty six for that," he groaned as he gave the car some gas and they sped away.

* * *

little shorter than usual but it covered everything I wanted to cover so... Off to start the next chapter. What can I come up with next, I wonder.

So let me know what you think about this one and...anything else.

BTW, has anyone seen anything about whether PG has signed for next season? I keep reading where they are doing some cost cutting by not resigning some people. Surely they wouldn't dare to cut the Brassman!


	31. Chapter 31

The following weeks were busy for Catherine and Jim. He finished his paperwork and made one last court appearance before retiring. She spent hours closing files, meeting with her CSIs to catch them up on open files, and also making a couple of court appearances. Finally her last day came as well. Catherine happily turned the role of Supervisor over to Nick and walked out of her office for the last time.

A week later Mr. and Mrs. Brass began their new jobs at the Eclipse. Jim whistled when he saw her office. "Wow," he said as he surveyed the room. Her desk backed up to an expansive window that looked out over Las Vegas. "I think I'll like this," he said as he looked around. "Every time I walk in, the sun will be playing in your hair."

"Unless I'm sitting over there," she said as she pointed to a conversation area on the opposite side of the room. "The chairs are quite comfy so I plan to use them often."

Jim smirked. "And the sofa?"

"Might come in handy as well," she grinned mischievously.

"I like where my mind is taking me," Jim said huskily.

"What about your office?" Catherine asked happily.

"Oh, it's a few doors down but not as nice as this," he answered.

"Show me."

They walked down the corridor and Jim stopped in front of a door that had 'Security' printed on a nameplate. He opened the door and followed her in. They crossed an outer office that was staffed by two assistants. On one side of the room was a door that led to the security room that housed all the monitoring equipment. Another door led to an area that housed a small kitchenette and lounge for the security employees. The door to Jim's office was on the opposite wall. He opened it and allowed Catherine to step in first. "You brought your things from your PD office," she exclaimed.

"Most of it." He said happily.

"Good, it'll feel familiar. Besides, it tells the story of your life."

Jim grimaced. "Yeah…maybe…but not the best part of it."

She spotted a picture on his desk that had been taken while they were on their honeymoon. Moving to it, she picked it up and smiled. Jim's face relaxed and he smiled. "That's the best part of it," he said softly.

"Only the beginning," she answered as she set it back down.

A few days later Catherine began to complain about back pain. She woke one morning feeling it but thought she must have slept in an awkward position and caused it. Jim had chuckled and teased her about getting older. "Just wait, when you get to be my age everything is stiff and sore in the morning."

"Well, as far as I'm concerned you have one body part that can be stiff every morning," she'd replied.

Jim began to get concerned as he watched her rubbing the small of her back as they stood in a meeting with the pit bosses. The pain wasn't getting any better, he realized. By that night, it was worse.

"You okay?" he asked her at dinner.

"Not really," she answered as she pushed her plate away, not having much appetite.

"Why don't you call the doctor?" Jim suggested.

"For a backache? I don't want to interrupt her evening for that."

Jim frowned but didn't argue.

Both of their houses were on the market and they were living in the penthouse suite of the Eclipse until their new house was built. So Jim suggested that she head on to bed. He told her he would keep an eye on things for awhile and then be up later. The casino had only been open a week and there were still some rough spots in the operation that he wanted to observe.

She agreed and headed up to their suite. Jim grimaced as he watched her move across the room. _Something's not right…_ His phone rang before he could complete his thought and soon he was embroiled in a dispute with some customers. It was a couple of hours before he could get free to check on his wife.

Quietly, he made his way through the suite into the bedroom. He listened and decided she was sleeping from the sound of her breathing. Letting out a deep breath, he felt the tension wash out of him. Maybe everything was okay, he thought. Just as he turned to leave, he heard her moan. It was full of pain. "Catherine," he called to her softly. She moaned again and he was beside her instantly.

"Jim," she said as her eyes fluttered open.

"Yeah, I just came up to check on you…you still hurting?"

"Mmmm, yeah…" she stretched. "Be right back," she said as she worked her way out of the bed and headed for the bathroom. She was back quickly, too quickly Jim thought as he watched her looking for something.

"What do you need?"

"My phone," she answered.

"Ah…" he looked around and spotted it on the bedside table. "Here," he said as he handed it to her, watching curiously. "Everything alright?"

Catherine took the phone and then froze. He could see the panic that was threatening to overtake her. "What?" he asked.

"I…I'm spotting…need to call…"

"Yeah, okay," he said as he moved into action, taking the phone from her. "You sit…or better, lie down. I'll call." She complied and he was dialing the phone immediately.

Listening to the doctor's instructions carefully, Jim's face was a picture of concentration. "Okay…yeah…right, we'll be there in say…fifteen maybe twenty….okay…" He closed the phone and turned to Catherine. "She wants us to meet her at Desert Palms…ASAP."

"It's bad, isn't it?" she asked fearfully.

"Well, maybe but it could be nothing too, she said. She wants to check you out just to be sure so throw something on," he said as he perused her rather flimsy nightgown, "and I'll get the valet to pull the car up front."

As Jim had told the doctor, they were at the hospital within twenty minutes.

Jim paced the hallway as the doctor examined Catherine. He watched as various nurses and med techs went in and out, carrying instruments that looked ominous to him. His gut began to churn as the reality of the situation settled over him. This baby, his last chance at being a decent father, was slipping away from him…from them. Sadness settled over him as he braced himself, straightening his shoulders and shifting his weight in preparation for what he feared would come next. He stood absolutely still as the doctor approached him from Catherine's door. When she stopped in front of him, he began to flex his fingers at his side, the only movement in his otherwise frozen stance.

"Why don't you come in and I'll talk with the both of you at once," she suggested somberly. Jim nodded and followed her to Catherine's bedside. The doctor gestured to a chair next to the bed. "Maybe you would like to sit?" she said to Jim gently. He nodded negatively and sighed. "No…so…what's going on," he said levelly, determined to keep his emotions in check.

"Okay then…" the doctor said seriously. Then looking at Catherine, she began. "We discussed the risks of pregnancy at your age," she said. Catherine nodded and blinked back tears. "Well unfortunately, the odds aren't favorable…about fifty percent for a miscarriage…and you …didn't beat the odds. The backache and the spotting…they were signs of what was happening."

Jim's eyes swept from the doctor to Catherine as he felt all the air go out of him. Tears welled in her eyes as she took in the doctor's meaning. Feeling a constriction in his chest, Jim reached for her hand needing to touch her, give comfort as well as get some. Her hand felt cold in his grasp. He watched her intently; her face was white, all the color had drained with the doctor's information. She was holding the tears in her eyes, fighting for control. But what chilled him the most was that she wouldn't look up at him. A sudden wave of anguish washed over him and he fought for balance. Once it had subsided, he looked back at the doctor. "What about Catherine? Is everything okay?"

"We'll need to do a D&C but yes, everything should be fine once she has a few days to recover."

Jim nodded, glancing at his wife. He didn't think it was possible but she seemed even paler. Finally, she spoke. "Wh…what about the baby? What…was it? Could you tell?"

Dr. Morris shifted her weight and looked from one to the other. "It was a boy," she said finally.

"And…could you tell …how old…how many months?" Catherine whispered.

Dr. Morris knew what Catherine was getting at. Clearing her throat, she answered. "Judging from the size and stage of development…it wasn't from the rape, if that's what you were asking."

Catherine let out a sob. Jim was sitting on the bed next to her instantly, stroking her arm and trying to comfort her as he dealt with his own sense of loss. "I'm sorry," she sobbed.

Jim frowned. "For what?"

"It was…I thought it was from…but it was yours and it was a boy, like we had talked about and… I couldn't…I…" Jim bent to meet her as he raised her to him. He hugged her tightly. "No…no you don't… this isn't your fault, nobody's fault. You heard what she said about the odds…it just…wasn't meant to be," he said, choking back the emotion that was sitting in his throat.

"But…"

"No," he said firmly. "No buts…it just…happened. And I'm sorry it did. It would have been…great," he said over a small sob, "having a baby with you. But…the timing…it just wasn't…time," he said as his own tears began to fall. She clung to him as if he were her life line. "Still, I'm sorry…"

The doctor mumbled something about setting up the procedure and excused herself, leaving the grieving couple alone for a few minutes. Jim held Catherine, gently rubbing her back and trying to think of anything he could say or do to make things better. Of course, there was nothing so he just held on.

Eventually, she let go of him and laid back, tears still trailing down her face. "A son," she said as she fought to stop the tears. "Yeah," he said through his own. "Who would've thought…"

"I….I wanted him to be like you," she told him, the tears slowing but still there.

Jim shook his head.. "You gonna be okay?" His thumb was slowly stroking her cheek, wiping away tears.

She nosed affirmatively. "In a while," she said. "You?"

"When you are…I will be…I just want you to know…I mean, we didn't really have time to get used to this…you know. I mean, not really. The thought of ...a baby…it was kind of… surprising. But I want you to know, I wanted it. I was happy that we…that…

She put her fingers to his lips. "I know. You were…scared, like I was but happy. This…hurts but…we'll make it through, right?"

A small smile tried to form on his lips. "Yeah. You and me…we'll get through it…together."

She nodded. "Then I'll be okay," she said as she sat back up to burrow into him. He wrapped his arms around her.

She stayed in the hospital overnight and was at home in their suite by late the next afternoon. Jim hovered, seeing that she had anything she needed or wanted, afraid to let her out of his sight. "Jim, you're driving me crazy," she finally huffed.

"I just want…need to …help." The sadness in his eyes tore at her heart. "I know. But …it's too much. Why don't you go check on things…make sure things are running smoothly with the casino? I can't…that would help me. My heart's just not in it right now but I need to know that it is taken care of."

Jim blinked and then grimaced. His heart wasn't in it either. But if it would help her, then…yeah, he could do that. "Okay. I'll be back in a couple of hours, okay?"

"Yeah," she said. "That would be good. It'll give me some time to…I don't know…think."

He bent down to kiss her on the cheek. "Well, while you are thinking, just remember that I love you."

She patted his cheek. "That's the only thing keeping me going right now." He covered her hand with his. "Me too baby," he said throatily. "Call me if…"

"I know," she smiled faintly. "I will." He nodded, his emotions clearly evident in his eyes. "Okay then, I'll see you later." Turning he headed out before she saw the tears that were about to fall.

* * *

As always, I appreciate comments and reviews.

Also, I posted a new poll on my profile page. I'd love to see your repsonses. The last one ran almost a year and were overwhelmingly in favor of Brass and some romance, especially with Catherine. Looks like TPTB missed that boat! Maybe this coming season...


	32. Chapter 32

Jim tried to focus on what the various department heads were telling him as he made the rounds through the building. Things seemed to be running smoothly enough, considering that everyone was new to the job. There had been a few glitches, but had been handled appropriately. His last stop was the security room. Standing in front of the video monitors, he watched the action on the casino floor. It wasn't especially interesting, but it gave him time.

He wanted to be with Catherine, needed it. But she needed some space. He knew he was smothering her. It was just that he'd been so scared. Losing the baby had been bad. The thought that maybe he could have lost her had been unbearable. And now, more than anything he wanted to be the man she needed him to be. He had failed the people he loved so many times, but he was determined to get it right this time. Failure was not an option. Consequently, he was standing in front of the monitors, staring at them, giving her space and marking time until he could go back to her.

Catherine was relieved to have some time alone. Jim was great through the whole thing but she needed some space. She didn't want him to see how much this hurt. _Strange, _she thought_, I was so ambivalent about the baby until I lost it. No, that's not it…until I knew for sure that it was Jim's. When I thought it might be from the rape…I wasn't sure I wanted it. No…I know I didn't want it. But I wanted it if it…no he…was Jim's. Did my ambivalence …could it have …could I have caused it?_ It was crushing to think that she might have killed their baby with her lack of enthusiasm, her fear. How could she face Jim knowing that she had killed their baby? A small voice in her brain told her that she was being irrational but she ignored it. Her baby was dead; she didn't want to be rational. Anger flared within her and she turned it on herself. Jim would hate her if he knew, she thought. She couldn't bear that; she couldn't tell him. He could never know what she had done. Fear, anger, and despair combined to overwhelm her, reducing her to exhausting sobs that only subsided when sleep claimed her.

Jim glanced at his watch one more time and sighed with relief. He had willed himself to stay gone for two and half hours. Time was up and he could go back to her now. The suite was quiet when he walked in but it didn't surprise him. Quietly he made his way to the bedroom and found her sleeping. Tears gathered behind his eyes as he saw evidence of hers on her face, in her hair, and on the pillow. How long had she cried, he wondered. Was that why she wanted him to leave, so she could cry? Why couldn't she cry with him there, when he could hold her and comfort her? Why didn't she think she could cry in front of him? She didn't trust him, he decided. On some level she knew he was going to fail her, so she took the opportunity from him. Something in his heart broke with that knowledge.

He ordered supper from the kitchen downstairs and woke her gently when it arrived. "Thought you might need a little something," he told her as he sat next to her, on the edge of the bed, his hand on her back gently stroking the length.

She nodded lethargically, not really feeling hungry bit acknowledging the need to eat. She felt Jim's concern for her and through the evening, she fought back tears several times as she watched him trying to be considerate. She could read his pain in his eyes and blamed herself for his suffering. They'd shared their frustrations and feelings of inadequacy as parents for years. She knew how much he felt he had failed his daughter. Now she had cost him his last opportunity to be a good father. She knew he was looking forward to a second chance. Besides, Jim was never dishonest with his feelings…not necessarily forthcoming, but never dishonest. The tears at the hospital had been real; he had wanted their baby. And her fear and uncertainty had cost him a son. She couldn't look at him.

Anguish washed through Jim as he watched her try to eat. It was obvious that her heart wasn't in it but she was trying. He also knew that if he weren't there prodding her, she wouldn't make the effort. His gut began to churn as he realized she wouldn't look at him, wouldn't make eye contact. Why was she avoiding him? Was he smothering again? He tried to back off a little and give her more space but that just seemed to make her more despondent.

Bedtime was unbelievably awkward. Jim wanted to hold her; he needed it. He was hurting too and his only comfort was Catherine. But she backed away from him as if she were afraid of his touch. She could have stuck a knife in him and it wouldn't hurt as much.

Catherine hated herself for the way she was acting. She could see the effect it was having on him. The pain in his expression as she backed away made her want to cry again. And then she saw something else flicker across his countenance…acceptance. That hurt even more. Little things he had told her over the years had clued her about his self doubts. That look, the one he was wearing now, had disappeared over the last few months as their relationship had grown. Because of what she did it was back; at least, that's the way her thoughts were working.

Jim watched as various emotions worked across her face and the fact that she was fighting back tears wasn't lost on him. Tension flooded him, tightening his neck and bringing on a headache as he watched her slowly backing away both physically and emotionally. The minefield in his stomach wasn't helping either. Everything was falling apart; he was losing the happiness that had been in his grasp. And he didn't know how to claim it again. But he had to try…

"Catherine?"

Wide blue eyes stared at him, terror evident. Why was she afraid of him? "Honey?" She blinked but said nothing. "Please baby, talk to me…" he said as he leaned on his elbow, instinctively closer to her.

Grief was etched in his face and Catherine felt responsible. But what could she say that would help? She was the reason for his grief. "I'm tired," she finally mumbled.

Her words hit hard. She wouldn't talk to him. Jim nodded and settled back on his side of the bed, putting space between them. He stayed still until he thought she was asleep and then rolled to his side to watch her. How was he going to fix this?

Catherine felt his gaze and fought to remain still and keep her breathing even. The sobs that threatened would only hurt him more and she didn't want that. She had caused enough pain. Finally she heard his breathing even out and she knew he was asleep. After a few more minutes, she slipped from the bed and went into the small living room where she curled up on the couch and let her sobs have their way.

Jim felt her as she left. A small debate ensued within him as he wondered if he should follow. But when he heard her muffled sobs, he was immediately in motion. Before she heard him, she felt him, his arms surrounding her as he pulled her to him on the sofa. His hands stroked her back soothingly and he kissed her head as he rocked her. And then she heard him, his own tears and felt his sobs and realized that he needed her in his grief. How could he? Wasn't he angry with her for losing his baby? How could he want her?

In her confusion, she continued to cry, despair fueling her waterfall.

After a few minutes, Jim straightened up and tried to look into her face but she kept her head down. His fingers brushed back her hair and he lowered his head to see her eyes. "Please, talk to me," he said softly.

"I…can't," she cried.

"But…why not?"

"I…it…hurts…it just…hurts."

A sigh escaped him as he tried to decide how far to push. "I know, baby. I…yeah. But I'm worried about you. I can't lose you too…"

That got her attention and she looked up. "I…I'll be…okay."

"Just talk to me. All this crying…it can't be good. I mean, I know you're sad…grieving, but…"

"So are you. I've seen the tears that you won't let fall. I see the grief in your eyes, the sadness in the way you move. We lost our baby…"

Those grieving eyes looked into hers. "Yeah…and it hurts. And it hurts that I don't know how to help you with this. I…I want to be here for you, make all the bad go away but I can't. And it seems like you are slipping away from me and…that scares me."

She looked at him for a long time, wondering why he was there at all. After all, she had killed the baby. "I…I'm not slipping away. I just don't understand…"

"What baby, what don't you understand?" His voice was soft, soothing.

"How you can…feel that way after…" she bit her lip to fight back the despair she felt.

"What? After what?"

"I…lost our baby," she sobbed.

"But it wasn't your fault. It just…happened."

"But…at first I thought…maybe it could be…that it was…Kava's baby. And…I didn't want it then. And even after we thought it was yours, there was always this doubt and…you were so happy about it and I couldn't…"

"Couldn't what, honey?"

"I couldn't tell you that I was afraid…that I thought it might be his." She took a deep breath. "You had already raised one kid that wasn't yours. I was afraid that …that I'd be doing that to you again. And…if it was his, I didn't want it."

"But…you seemed happy about it."

"When I thought about it being your baby, but then the doubts would come back and… I'm sorry Jim. I'm so sorry. I killed our baby," she cried out.

He hugged her tightly. "No, no you didn't. Even if you had your doubts….that's not what…ended it. The doctor told us the risks; you knew them. We both knew it was a long shot. It's not your fault, honey."

"But if I had…if it felt wanted, maybe…"

"Honey, it … I mean…do you really think he could feel anything like that? He was barely ... I mean you were only…"

"He wasn't just a fetus; he was a real person…unborn but…real. And I killed him with my fear and uncertainty."

"He was real to both of us. And you have to quit blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault."

"You…don't hate me?"

Jim was stunned. "How could you think that, baby? You've made me so happy."

"Until now." Her statement was flat, emotionless.

"Catherine, listen to me. I love you. This was…terrible but I don't blame you. I know you wouldn't hurt my baby. Hell, you couldn't have hurt the baby even if it was Kava's. You proved that by not getting rid of it when you first found out you were pregnant. This didn't happen because of anything you did." He stroked her hair as he looked over her face, searching, hoping his words were sinking in. "I dunno," he continued, "maybe because it was so unexpected…another chance for both of us…maybe because it was our last chance at something, I dunno…really big. But I think if we were younger, if we thought we could have another chance at it, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. But to know that this was it…I mean, it was such a long shot but still, it was a chance…"

Her tears began to flow again but not so heavy; soft gentle tears of acceptance as she curled into him. "But we still…"

"What honey," he whispered as he continued to hold her and stroke her.

"We're still…okay?"

He held her tightly, so much that it was squeezing her but she wasn't complaining. It was reassuring. "Yeah, we're okay. We're better than okay. We've still got lots to look forward to, you know. We have this business to build and Lindsey's going to give us so much worry as s college student and then she'll meet somebody and fall in love and then, well somebody will be calling you Granny." He chuckled as he felt her tense with the picture he was drawing.

Leaning up, breaking out of his hold. "And you'll be a Gramps," she tried to smile.

"That'll be up to Lindsey. I'll be happy to have any part of her future and a role in her children's lives."

"But what about Ellie? Surely, you haven't given up hope?"

Jim sighed. "No, I guess I never will. But, it's up to her. She seems to have given up on me and until something changes, I don't have a place in her life." He sighed as the weight of his failed relationship with his daughter settled over him. "I can't keep chasing that dream." His expression changed as he looked into his wife's eyes. "I have new dreams to focus on now," he said tenderly.

Catherine smiled. Then cuddling back into him she asked, "Can we go back to bed?"

"Sure baby," he answered as he let go of her and stood, offering her his hand.

"Good, 'cause I like snuggling up to you but I'm tired too."

"I'm glad you like cuddling," he said warmly. "It's my favorite activity these days… as long as it is with you. Besides, I tend to get a little crazy when you aren't close by."

"Then, that's where I'll be. Can't have you losing it," she said lightly as she took his hand as walked with him back to their bed.

* * *

Many, many thanks to Yanukjc! The stats say there are lots of you still out there reading, but she has been a steady commenter, keeping me motivated. I do appreciate those who keep reading too.

One more installment and then I'm moving on to other ideas the plot bunnies have stirred in my brain. I hope you find this one satisfactory.


	33. Chapter 33

**Ten Years Later**

Catherine and Jim Brass stood, looking through the window and the most amazing thing. Catherine began to giggle as Jim wrapped his arm around her, his own expression one of awe. "So what so you think?" he asked softly.

"He looks a lot like you," she chuckled.

"Oh, you mean because he's follicularly challenged?" Jim shot back.

"Well….yeah," she snickered as she gazed lovingly at her husband.

"Well, hopefully he'll outgrow it. I wouldn't want the poor kid to have any of my traits," he said lightly.

"I do," Catherine said emphatically. "I want him to have all of your character traits…and your sense of humor." Jim smiled. "Thank you."

"For what?" she asked. "I'm just telling you what I feel."

"For making me feel like he really is my grandkid."

"But…he is. Remember, Lindsey said it, not me. She said even if he's not yours by blood, you had everything to do with her finding his daddy and with his arrival in this world."

"Well, all I did was see a guy who was perfect for her and make sure the connection happened, even if she couldn't see it at first. And as for junior there, it was a 911 call." He shrugged as if it had been simple.

"Yeah, A 911 and a ride in the car when they didn't come and a you being the only calm one in the car getting in the backseat with her and coaching her all the way here."

"Yeah, well…too many deliveries in the backseat of a patrol car," he said, brushing off any attempt at her praise.

"Well, it earned you the Grandpa title, along with having a namesake."

"Yeah," he grinned. "I'm kind of proud of that part."

Catherine turned to the window and gazed at her grandson. "James Samuel Williams…it's a good name, a strong one."

"Yeah," Jim said. "Jimmy Williams. I can see it now, his name on the Stanley Cup. With his mother's brains and courage and his dad's build and athletic ability, he's a shoe in."

Catherine chuckled. "And who's going to teach him? His father is a fantastic baseball player but couldn't skate two feet."

A wicked grin crossed Jim's face. "I can still skate. I still have a little of the juice left in me."

Catherine's eyes widened. "Careful what you say mister. I might just make you prove it."

"Anytime baby…anytime," he said huskily.

Catherine smiled and turned her attention back to the baby on the other side of the window. "He's so beautiful," she said adoringly.

Jim looked at the baby and then at her. "Not as beautiful as his grandmother," he replied earnestly.

Catherine looked at him with the same adoring look. "Charmer," she accused teasingly.

"Hey, it's the truth. What can I say, I'm crazy about you." His eyes were dancing with glee.

Putting her hand on his cheek, Catherine kissed him tenderly. "And I love you," she said as her lips hovered over his. Jim smiled. "Let's go tell Lindsey about her son's future," he said eagerly as he grabbed her hand. "I have big plans…"

Catherine chuckled to herself as they walked hand in hand down the hall. She could see that Jim was taking this grandparent role seriously. And he was certainly a proud one, having already passed out cigars to everyone he knew, it seemed.

Later, as they cuddled together in their bedroom in the large house that had been built with a little Brass in mind, she couldn't help thinking about the baby they had lost. What kind of father would he have been to that baby, she wondered although she already knew the answer. Then thinking of his antics at the hospital with little Jimmy, she knew. _Crazy,_ she thought as she burrowed into him more. _He's so crazy when it comes to the people he loves…_

* * *

_And there you have it. Hope you enjoyed!_


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